Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Feel lost advice please

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  • #1095517 Reply

    So two years ago my mother passed away suddenly. I was incredibly close to her and she would talk to me about anything to help me. I’m very sensitive at times and she would realise this and take time out to help work through whatever was upsetting me. Since she has gone a lot has happened. I was in a controlling relationship where I had a abortion as he kept throwing me away constantly, we would always be on breaks and I felt to have a child with him would be not the right choice. He still messages me and tells me he wants to see me and because I get so lonely I go, yet I know I’m going back to the cycle over again. I then fell out with my best friend. Her boyfriend who was a sleaze messaged me by getting my number off her phone and when I sent her the messages she still didn’t believe me and said I wanted to ruin her relationship so I don’t speak to her no more. I feel like I have gone through so much pain and loss and it never ends. I have my family but I hardly ever See them. I feel really alone. I wake up craving stability and someone to care for me like my mother did. I just don’t know how to pull myself out of this rut.

    #1095532 Reply

    Sorry about your mother.

    You say you want someone to care about you like your mother did. But you still have part of her. We all build little models of people in our minds. It’s how we know whether someone would like a particular gift, or hate a movie. We have little “simulations” of people that we build, based on our interactions with them, that let us anticipate how they’d feel, what they’d say, etc.

    So, you have this little part of your mother still within you. The best way to honor how she’d take care of you, is to listen to those parts of you and take care of yourself. You know she’d want the best for you and not want you to settle.

    You know the old BF is bad. Stop going back to him. Block his number so you don’t even get his messages. Whatever you need to give you the strength to move past him.

    You did what you thought was right with your friend, but she wasn’t in a place to hear the truth about her loser BF. It’s sad, but you did the right thing.

    Care for yourself and nurture the relationships that build you up and not the ones that tear you down. Don’t look for a relationship to replace the care you got from your mother. Look for ones the fulfill you in their own special ways. Best wishes.

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