Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

feelin insecure.. help:(

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 1 week ago.

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  • #843386 Reply
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    marley

    ive posted soo many topics on this website i hope i am not annoying and that there is no limit:/ anyways… so i have this one friend, we r bffs. however im feelin a little insecure:( i really want to be her best friend (she says i am but i have doubts) but there r a couple of issues. she has a hobby that is kinda unique and not many ppl do. she has friends that do this with her. i feel like since her hobby is so unique its not something someone can just pick up and do.. it involves thousands of dollars and a license to be able to do it, it feels like i cant compete with those friends. sort of like i cant relate to her on that level. this hobby is her LIFE and she lives, eats, and breathes it. so those friends prob mean a lot to her.. in a way that i never will. also she has a couple health conditions that i really wish i could help her with but i cant because i simply cannot relate and other people can. also she has a unique family situation that i cannot relate to but other ppl can and they can help her. and i hate that i cannot relate and help. i feel bad bc we r so close but we rly dont have much in common. i guess we dont have big things in common. ya we may like the same band.. but we dont share hobbies or anything major, yet we are so freaking close. its gone so far that ive thought about taking up her hobby so we could do it together but im rly not passionate abt it and i dont care about it. help!!!! how do i cope with these feelings :/

    #843392 Reply

    You sound obsessed with her. You’re already close, so don’t waste thousands and do a hobby you don’t care about just to be closer to her. It’s weird that your jealous of the other people she interacts with. See a therapist. That’s my suggestion.

    #843393 Reply
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    marley

    i dont think i am obsessed with her.. i do have other friends that i care about. its more about feeling bad that i cant help her in her tough situations. i feel like i am not enough because of that:/ i dont care that she has other friends, i just want her to know that i care and want to help.i only thought about picking up her hobby like once a couple years ago. i would never actually do it.

    #843394 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    Judging from your other posts on here, you really do sound obsessed with her. Therapy is a good suggestion.

    #843395 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Okay… Maybe (Please notice my use of the word — maybe. It was deliberate.) not obsessed but you do seem to be going rather overboard here. No one can be anything and everything to a friend. It’s normal and healthy for her to have other friends… you should, too. If you can’t recognize this on your own, therapy is much advised.

    #843396 Reply

    Then why do you care to include that in your post? I’m not trying to be mean, but you do sound obsessed. You’ve written a few posts about issues relating to her and your insecurity related to that and friend issues.

    You can’t turn yourself into a completely different person because you think she’d like you better that way. She already likes you! She calls you her best friend! If this were your first post, I’d say she probably values that you don’t have everything in common. That you aren’t carbon copies of each other.

    You aren’t confident or secure enough with your own self. She seems to like you the way you are.

    #843397 Reply

    No one should have to work hard and stretch themselves to attract a certain friend. Or partner. Like, they either like you- or they don’t. Faking it isn’t going to be easy or worthwhile in the long run.

    #843399 Reply
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    marley

    ive actually posted about a few different friends in this forum. Not all of them have been about this one girl cause like i said i do have a couple other friends.

    #843400 Reply

    Even if every post you’ve made were about different friends, you seem very insecure in general and you still seem overly concerned about this one person. I didn’t know about all the other posts when I first commented on this post.

    BGM is right on when he wrote you can’t be everything to her. You have to be you, and she is going to be her. You’re friends. She likes you and values you.
    When people don’t like you or value you, they don’t spend time trying to be your friend.

    Your deep insecurity with yourself is in every single post you’ve made. This isn’t judgement on you as a person, many people have these problems. I know one of your posts was about how to feel comfortable seeing a therapist. I was glad to read that you were going to take that step because I think it will really be beneficial to you.

    #843401 Reply
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    marley

    Just a question…how can people see all of the other posts I have made?? It seems like you cant click on peoples accounts unless they are members?? Just curious!!

    Yes I am seeking therapy for lots of issues besides my insecurities. I do agree that it is my own deep rooted insecurity that makes me jealous in relationships.

    #843402 Reply

    Your avatar stays the same and I can see your different posts under your various names when I am looking for the same avatar. You even wrote in this post that you’ve posted multiple times. Had you not written that, I probably wouldn’t have looked.

    I know you feel outed, but being anonymous and changing your avatar/identity won’t help with getting better advice. You know these fixations aren’t exactly 100% healthy. Do you want to hear what you want to hear, or get real advice?

    #843411 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    You’ve posted a ton (under other avatars and names too) and it always seems to be about feeling insecure or jealous about “this one friend.” When you post over and over about basically the same thing, and you keep changing your name, that’s a sign you need help. I think I told you this a while back. You should go to your college’s health services and ask for counseling.

    ETA I see you had a post a few days back about starting therapy. Have you made an appointment? You’ve mentioned having depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, insecurity about friendships, and these are all things a therapist can help you with, plus it’s just good to have someone to talk to. Have you made an appointment? What are you waiting for?

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by avatar Kate.
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