This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by LisforLeslie 3 months ago.
- April 14, 2019 at 5:38 pm #841072
Hi. ive never really been depressed or anything. however right now i am 18 years old (freshman in college) and i feel so lost. i have a couple of “friends” who r in the same spot as me mentally. but rly I have 1 very good friend and thats it. none of my friend group from high school lives in the same state anymore really. I feel like as soon as my “depressed” friends become happy and find their way in life and find 1000 new friends, ill be stuck here sad and lonely all by myself. finding my way in life and meeting lots of friends seems so far outta my league and like it will never happen because i’m super shy. please don’t just tell me to join clubs or start a hobby to make friends because i try and it never works. i am more looking for advice on how to not feel jealous when these friends become happy and i’m still here sad. i know their happiness has nothing to do with mine, but its nice to know ur not alone. u know the saying “misery loves company” i don’t want to say i want them to be miserable with me, but the truth is i kind of do. is this normal?? i hope it does not make me a bad friend. jealousy is a normal human emotion..and nobody likes to feel alone in this world.April 14, 2019 at 6:23 pm #841073
A few, or even one, very good friend is a great thing to have. Often people with lots of friends don’t have the depth of friendship you have with your one very good friend.
I was very shy and didn’t make any good friends my freshman year of college. I ended up with a group of people who were nice but I didn’t have much in common with them. For me, it’s a matter of meeting nice people that do have something in common. Usually, that means someone with the same sense of humor and plus really interesting to talk to. For me personally it has always been important that they be a good friend rather than to have a large pool of acquaintances.
You need to do what works for you. Your value doesn’t depend on the number of friends you have. Be a good friend to your one really good friend and be friendly with the people around you. Most of them won’t be a good fit to become a really good friend but every once in a while you do run across someone that fits. Do the things that work for you. If you don’t like parties don’t worry about going to parties. You won’t find good friends there anyway.April 14, 2019 at 6:54 pm #841074
These are normal feelings, especially at your life stage! The best way to stop being jealous is to stop focusing on yourself. Have you asked yourself lately how you can be a good friend to your “friends”? Have you made them dinner, or asked them thoughtful questions, or tried to be a positive presence in their lives? I have also found a lot of joy in volunteering – I taught ESL night classes in college and loved it. You should consider volunteering not to make friends, but to make someone else’s life better.
Some of what you describe sounds like social anxiety – it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor about your fears and strategize ways to get over your jealousy.
Finally, you don’t want us to tell you to get a hobby, but that advice is common for a reason: it works. Again – don’t explore your passions with the goal of making friends, but to enrich your own inner life. It may take some self-exploration, taking some classes, putting yourself out there, etc. to get to that point, but you’ll be a lot less scared of being lonely when you know what you love and are going after it. Good luck!April 16, 2019 at 7:51 am #841222
You need to stop looking at your friends and focus on your education to get your mind off this jealousy shit you’re on. Once you do that you will be making friends through group projects and outside of the campus when you go to the parties/bars. Just move on with life, and who cares if you are alone, read this line.
“someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself company becomes an option and not a necessity.
-Keanu ReevesApril 16, 2019 at 9:07 am #841231
Hobbies and clubs are where yes, you may meet friends, but you meet them because you are finding people who like the same things you like. Point being – do things that make you happy and don’t rely on other people (their attention or affection) as a measure of your worth.
Study hard, get sleep, and do things that make you happy.
I know you’re shy, but as hard as it sounds, say hello to one person every day (different people each day). Best way to break through some of that shyness – give someone a random compliment: Awesome hair color! Cool shoes! Love your pins! Say it in passing – no attempt to connect with a conversation. Make someone’s day. Project an air of confidence (even if totally fake) and you’ll make a positive impression on the people around you. And I know it sounds stupid but giving someone a compliment, making their day, seeing them smile, will make you feel better. It’s sounds so stupid but I promise you it works.
Someone gave me a random compliment the other day and it was so unexpected and I’ve been carrying it around for a few days. It was in a grocery store, by someone I will NEVER see again. Still made my day.