Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Feeling like there’s no one out there for me

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  • #1034303 Reply

    So I’m a late twenty-year old woman. I have finally moved out on my own. For some reason, lately I have been having thoughts of thinking that I will never meet someone that could possibly become my partner. During my twenties, I didn’t really date because I was so focused on school and working. Now that I am nearing thirty I am feeling as though I am running out of time. Two years I did meet someone but it turned it was all games and was not going to lead to anywhere. I am feeling a bit hopeless in my situation. I need some advice on how I can shake this feeling. I do work and I do have friends by the way.

    Thanks in advance

    #1034304 Reply

    You are far from running out of time! If you’re ready for a relationship (or just a date or 2) start looking. Everyone meets online nowadays. Throw up a profile and see what happens. I didn’t meet my now husband till I was 30

    #1034718 Reply

    I have a mate who met her first long term partner as an adult a year ago and is now pregnant with her first kid at 40. It can happen! But also just be cool with yourself, once you’re ok with who you are no matter what happens the rest doesn’t matter.

    #1034769 Reply

    If you are burnt out on dating, take a break and invest in other areas of your life, like friends, hobbies, volunteering, etc. Build a life that makes you feel mostly happy and fulfilled.

    I think most people are meeting their life partners later now. Late twenties is not at all too late to find love. If anything, I’d say you’re right on time to feel this way. You haven’t missed the boat, I promise.

    #1034839 Reply

    Believe it or not you’re in a great place. You have more clarity about who you are and what you want and need. Go do things that make you happy (once you’re vaccinated). Join clubs. Do sports. Take a class. Many men your age are also at a point where they’ve mostly sown their oats, have put a foundation on their careers and are ready to find meaningful relationships.

    If you’re worried about your fertility – go talk to your gyno! Get some real information instead of half-truths from magazines and websites.

    #1034845 Reply

    Also, the last year has been a sub-optimal time for dating. things will probably improve a lot by the summer.

    #1034850 Reply

    Then again — maybe there isn’t. This fantasy that there is somebody for everybody sure fucks a lot of people up.

    Newsflash: if age has taught me anything it’s that most people “settle” and by 46 wind up miserable in their blah marriages. Or just plain bored. Lord know they all sure damn well act like it. PS —- look at those divorce rates…

    #1034858 Reply

    Round about 30 is a pretty good age to find a partner. I’d have ended up divorced from the partners i had before then for sure if I’d made it permanent. You’ve got plenty time, don’t rush into anything, life has been well odd; but I would imagine when things open up again, opportunities to meet people will be rife, so I’d join groups where you might find people who share your interests as soon as that’s all possible.Don’t panic. Some people do find perfection in relationships early on but that’s rare and I think a fair bit of self-discovery first goes a long way to ensuring lasting compatability.

    #1034887 Reply

    You didn’t prioritize it in your 20s, and that’s okay. A lot of people — especially those focused on school and work — don’t meet their life partners until their 30s or beyond. One of my friends didn’t go out on a single date until she was 27, when she jumped into the online dating scene. She met her now-husband at 28 and they got married a couple years ago at 31. In fact, fa-haaar more of my friends met their now-partners in their late 20s and into our 30s than in their early- or mid-20s. And maybe like half of my friends who paired off younger also divorced young.

    If you’re not taking advantage of online dating platforms, I think you should be. This is the easiest way to find other singles in your area. Go on dates keeping an open mind and keep your mindset positive. You’re not too old to meet someone and the objective truth is that there are probably quite a few guys out there who would be good, compatible partners.

    When I was actively dating, I did sometimes get down on myself or feel old or whatever, but for me, those thoughts weren’t constant. Some of it was comparing myself to friends/my peer group, so if you’re doing that, stop. Everyone takes their own journey. Otherwise, there wasn’t any specific thing I did to shake the feeling. I created a life I loved and wanted to live regardless of my relationship status rather than waiting for a partner to live/enjoy my life. I tried my best to watch my inner self talk and also spoke to a therapist about how I felt. I’d encourage you to do the same.

    #1034896 Reply

    I started dating my now-fiancé when I was 35 and we’re getting married in September (my first marriage). By our wedding day, I’ll be 40. Seriously, you have so much time left. Don’t sweat it.

    #1037844 Reply

    I got divorced from my ex (after a 7-year marriage) at 29, and I remember feeling the way you do. But you definitely have lots of time ahead of you! I met my current husband at 32, married him at 35, and am now 39 and expecting a baby boy next month. When I was younger I thought for sure that I didn’t want to have children later in life, but I am really glad things have worked out the way they did. I actually *want* to have a family with my husband, my career is established, and despite being an anxious/neurotic person overall I’m way more chill about my imminent parenthood than most of the younger women I see posting on social media pregnancy groups. You’ve got this! 🙂

    #1050346 Reply

    Girl, there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Congratulations on your professional success! You are a winner. Try dating and meeting new people to get into the game- it’ll be easy for you- you sound like a catch! You might come back here writing to ask us about who to pick cause you will be having too many options. Of course, you will know that answer yourself but you get the idea. You’re good, don’t worry about it.

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