Feeling some type of way about my friend.
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Me and this girl have been best friends for
about two years now. She recently came out last year
and I’ve always been a supportive friend to help her
through her journey when it comes to talking it out,
dealing with homophobia from family members, and
challenging relationship dynamics like all friends would
do. However recently, I’ve noticed her making a lot of
“jokes” about heteronormative relationships and
straight people, I brushed it off a few times, and even
thought some were funny, but now it seems like every-
time we hang out, she always has something to say.
She’ll say things like,
” I could never understand why
anybody could be straight, straight people are boring,”
etc. Or she’ll make comments about how I “dress so
straight” (wtf does that mean), or how she hates
looking at herself from last year and insinuates we
wouldn’t be friends if I’d met her like she is now. I
validate her and try to get her to understand that it
doesn’t matter to me, she’ll say she’s just joking, but
idk. She also hyper-sexualizes everything and everyone,
which can get annoying and uncomfortable at times. I
also notice how quick she is to point out how different
we are, with a slight negative undertone. I honestly miss
my old friend, not because of her sexuality but because of
the person she has become. Part of me feels as though
she’s projecting, or not 100% comfortable with herself. I
know we are all changing and going through learning
processes, but I don’t know man. She was one of my
closest “true” friends and now I don’t recognize her
anymore. We’ve kind of drifted apart, but I do care
about her deeply, but I don’t think I could be her friend
anymore. Am I looking too deeply into this?
It’s ok to not be friends with this person anymore if the friendship is toxic or unsatisfying for you. I had a friend who was trans and we were casual friends for years but as she got more and more toxic, she had fewer friends in her life and so the ones who stuck around, like me, were leaned on more by her. She was really toxic though and I wanted out of the friendship but I worried that that would leave her with no one and I felt bad about that. I didn’t want her to have no one or to be sad. I wanted her to be happy and healthy. I had a hard time negotiating these seemingly conflicting feelings, so I stayed in the friendship longer than I wanted and she eventually blew up at me over something that wasn’t my fault in a moment that I was particularly vulnerable (my 19-year-old cat was dying) and I said enough! I blocked her number and haven’t spoken to her since and I only wish I’d gotten out sooner.
I say all this on the chance that you have any feelings of guilt, like I did, about leaving a friendship with someone whose support system is already small. You are not obligated to stay in a friendship that doesn’t serve you.
