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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Feelings of Betrayal for probably no reason (please tell me if im being dumb)

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Feelings of Betrayal for probably no reason (please tell me if im being dumb)

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  • #1100389 Reply
    I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the stress I am under
    Guest

    There was a girl who I was friends with for around 3 years. We were extremely close, especially during the pandemic. We talked every day for at least half an hour. She was really toxic, and would rarely bring up her issues except for during arguments to guilt trip people or on occasion. She caused a ton of unnecessary drama in our friend group, and made a whole ton of arguments out of almost nothing whenever she felt someone said something ‘offensive’. She would make everybody extremely upset on multiple occasions.

    Thing is, everyone was pretty much done with her after one big blow-up she had for little reason at one guy in our group. She kinda screwed off to a different group of people, and its been around a month.

    But now everyone is just starting to be really friendly towards her and stuff? Like, people she made really upset and that were complaining about her ive heard say things like “Yeah, she the best.” or “Shes really great” and basically its almost like theyre all friends again and she didnt do anything. As far as im aware, shes never apologized or even acknowledged anything she did wrong at all.

    I sort of feel a bit invalidated? Im starting to question if all the things she did were as serious as I thought they were, like her telling me I made her want to kill herself the one time I got mad at her, or her leaving for three weeks after causing a huge argument then coming back like it was nothing. Or her arguing with two people so much she make them permanently leave the group of people. I cant tell anymore if me telling her to back off when she made me feel like shit for three years was actually okay or not? I would spend hours worrying about her because she constantly seemed so depressed and would make suicide jokes all the time.

    Because hey, if everyone else that was there thinks shes okay now then maybe I was just being rude to her for no reason by refusing to be around her?

    I dont know if I should even really say anything or express how I feel about it, or if im just overexaggerating.

    Should I just ignore it?

    #1100395 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ok I’m assuming you’re in HS as I write this.

    You should work on building your confidence in yourself and your intuition, and learning to set healthy boundaries, because you’re setting yourself up for people to mistreat and manipulate you. Even just your avatar name here, and all your question marks… it says a lot.

    Look, why would you be this close with someone this “toxic?” Your choices n life with toxic people aren’t necessarily “be extremely close with them or have them be out of the picture altogether.” There’s also the option of keeping them at arms length, or accepting and enjoying the cool fun things about them while rejecting their bullshit and refusing to engage with it. Do you see that?

    You don’t need to question yourself just because other people seem to like this person. You can absolutely dislike someone, for perfectly valid reasons, that other people like, or vice versa. Everyone does not have to agree all the time. Differences of opinion are okay! You can and should accept that some people enjoy and appreciate this girl – or at least some things about her – while sorting out for yourself whether there’s anything YOU like about her that you could potentially engage with, and what behaviors you will not engage with. If she starts hanging out with your group again, you do not have to jump in and make peace when she’s being dramatic or offensive. In those situations, you can just kind of stare at her neutrally, or leave, or just turn your attention elsewhere, and then when she behaves in an acceptable way, you can encourage it. And of course, you don’t need to talk to her for half an hour on the daily!

    You can’t control other people’s behavior and reactions, but you can control your own!

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