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Dear Wendy

Fiancés ex wants to visit with his daughter

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  • #892262 Reply
    avatarkat s
    Guest

    My fiancé was in a four year relationship with Amy. He has a daughter that is not his ex’s. He and Amy were together for four years. They were together when his daughter was 9 years old to 13 years old. His daughter comes home to visit with us four times a year. I have a great relationship with his daughter who is now 15. We have been together for two years now. The problem we are having is his daughter and Amy are constantly trying to spend time together when she is home visiting with us. Amy tells his daughter about things that happened in their relationship. I understand Amy played an important part in his daughters life. They have a history and still keep in touch. What’s frustrating is the mother of his daughter and Amy have become great friends. Keep in mind they hated each other when they were together. I’m also frustrated that Amy is constantly trying to arrange time with his daughter by passing messages through his daughter. She does not contact him and they haven’t spoken since he left two years ago. I need to know should they be allowed to meet up. I’m not approving of it but am I overreacting? For the past two years he’s been saying “no” to them getting together. His daughter has been persistent in trying to meet with her. Now I feel like he’s bending to having them meet because he says his daughter will just keep asking. He has told her if he allows it then it would have to be when he is at work… WHAT?!?!

    #892265 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Isn’t this his decision to make? What are you afraid of? That she likes her more than you?

    I don’t see the big deal. But if her mom and Amy are such good friends, why can’t she see her with her mom?

    #892266 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    What possible reason could there be for him to cut this woman out of his daughter’s life? Is she dangerous? His relationship with Amy didn’t work out; that doesn’t mean he has to ban Amy from his daughter’s life, especially if they were / are friends.

    And … four times a year?! He sees his own daughter four times a year?! Why? I hope there’s a good reason he sees her so seldom. Maybe if he saw his daughter more often, he wouldn’t be so covetous of her time.

    #892274 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    “Should they be allowed to meet up?”

    Allowed? Really? What purpose could possibly be served by trying to break this relationship? Are you really that insecure? Why?

    #892275 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    Oh, and you do realize that in 3 short years, his daughter will be 18 and will meet up with whoever she damn well pleases?

    #892381 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    OP, are you worried because you’ve left some rather big clues that your current partner easily walks from one partner to the next?

    How much time (or overlap) were between the ex wife and the ex girlfriend? You say he left the last ex two years ago and you’ve been dating him two years. How much time (or overlap) was between those two relationships?

    #893178 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Good grief – she’s 15! Unless this woman is dangerous, she should be able to visit her. Is she dangerous? Is she high level drug dealer? Is she violent?

    I can’t see any reason to not let her visit, so unless there are some major details be omitted; yes, you are overreacting.

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