- This topic has 46 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 4 days ago by Sara.
October 8, 2020 at 9:37 pm #963064FYIGuest
Your family is 45 minutes away, and you’re citing that as one more reason why you feel “very alone.” That … doesn’t make sense.
That, along with the length of this post and the fact that your boyfriend totally DID stand up to his dad, makes me think that you should dial it down some.October 8, 2020 at 10:12 pm #963067OriginalusernameGuest
45 minutes by car. I don’t own my own car, I never needed one when I lived in the city. When I commuted to work there my BF would drop me off at the train station because it was on his way to work. It’s over an hour and half via public transit. We can only find the time to drive out to see them once every few months or so. I feel lonely sometimes because it’s hard to meet anyone around here if you don’t already know them. It’s a dry county, so there are no bars and the one local coffee shop is still closed down. My BF grew up here so he already has all his friends that he has known since childhood.
For real though, I acknowledge that this was way too long. Like seriously, that shit is ridiculously too long when I look at it. Omg.October 8, 2020 at 10:54 pm #963068SunflowerGuest
hmm Not to sound harsh or anything, I understand it is difficult to make new friends, but an hour..?
Thats not far away at all.
I had to do long distance with my boyfriend who lives literally on the other side of the world, which takes me 2 days to go by plane, and still managed to visit each other every 3 months or so.
It really just sounds like an excuse to me, if you did feel so lonely you would have made the time and effort to go visit.October 9, 2020 at 3:18 am #963071briseGuest
If your BF’s family likes reunions and invites you both all the time, go every 5 times. An invitation is not an obligation. Remain free, that was my point. But let your BF go and have an excuse for why you don’t go each time. But now, I wouldn’t go to any invitation for a good while. Don’t spend Thanksgiving or CHristmas there. Go to your own family. Give yourself a rest, it is messing with your head.October 9, 2020 at 6:19 am #963073OriginalusernameGuest
Sunflower-I have gone and visited. But I also don’t want to bring Covid home to my family because I take so many busses and trains to get there. Seriously, good for you for holding up a long distant continental relationship. That’s good its working out for you. Not to sound harsh, but your situation isn’t mine. The same things don’t apply. Good for you for being able to make those trips during the middle of a pandemic though.October 9, 2020 at 6:26 am #963074OriginalusernameGuest
Me occasionally feeling lonely as the only brown skinned, half asian jewish woman in a predominantly all-white catholic suburb full of ” Trump 2020″ lawn signs where my BFs dad just told me he doesn’t like me dating his son and I don’t know anyone around here I could hang out and talk to about this is…an exscuse for what exactly? Yeah, sometimes I really fucking miss corner stores, and not feeling like some sort of transplanted outsider.October 9, 2020 at 8:11 am #963077anonymousseParticipant
Did you move there for your boyfriend?October 9, 2020 at 8:30 am #963078OriginalusernameGuest
Yeah, sort of. Before we moved in together I was living with a friend not far from my old job. He was living with his brothers in a rented house in basically the same area he grew up in. Both of his parents and even THEIR parents all grew up and raised their families in this suburban district outside of Philadelphia, where I am from. I had wanted to move in together for awhile, but he always told me that that would screw his brothers out of a roommate/ money towards rent. Finally, after his one brother gets engaged and my lease was coming up, we decided to move in together. I thought he would atleast look at some neighborhoods in the city or halfway point between us, but he didn’t. Then we found this cute little row house that was, I thought, a good halfway/ middle ground point. It was right by the train line and some bus routes. We didn’t move in because after he told his mom, she told his aunt and all of sudden we were getting late night crime reports for that neighborhood through text and messenger.
I originally didn’t want to move to the place were at now. It was so close to his parents and there aren’t many busses or anything. Well, for one reason or another here we are. We were going to move this year, but then the pandemic hit and it became increasingly difficult to find rental properties. Our landlord wouldn’t be increasing our rent and we decided to just stay another year. It’s disappointing but there wasn’t much to be done about it.October 9, 2020 at 8:59 am #963079briseGuest
Yes, LW, this is tough for you. Reason more to visit your own family when you can! I hope you can develop some social life where you live beyond your BF and his family. Perhaps about hobbies? Hopefully, this pandemic won’t last for ever!
If you get melancholic, you could write your autobiography, the story of your family. You write well and your story is very original. This could be a nice project!October 9, 2020 at 9:25 am #963080sunflowerGuest
Oh no those trips where years ago haha
Ah yeah i wasn’t really thinking of the current situation, since it sounded like something that has been happening for a while.October 9, 2020 at 9:43 am #963081anonymousseParticipant
I’m outside of Philly in the burbs, too. Very curious as to where you are, but I respect your privacy so don’t think you have to share.
Just as an outside perspective, you want him to stop being so close to his family, right? Your last response you say you were getting texts from his aunt and mother even late at night. How do you picture this working out? He’s close to his family, despite their beliefs. Why do you live in the burbs, if you hate it? Like it seems like you just go with the flow for the most part, even when it isn’t good for you.October 9, 2020 at 10:34 am #963083FyodorGuest
This bit here makes me a bit worried about whether your bf is able to maintain boundaries with his family and whether you have a good system for joint decision making.
“Then we found this cute little row house that was, I thought, a good halfway/ middle ground point. It was right by the train line and some bus routes. We didn’t move in because after he told his mom, she told his aunt and all of sudden we were getting late night crime reports for that neighborhood through text and messenger.
I originally didn’t want to move to the place were at now. It was so close to his parents and there aren’t many busses or anything. Well, for one reason or another here we are.”