Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

For some reason, I had better luck with girls as a kid than I do now.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice For some reason, I had better luck with girls as a kid than I do now.

This topic contains 67 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by avatar Kate 1 week ago.

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  • #847071 Reply
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    Fred

    In elementary school, I was more well-liked by the pretty girls in my class. They’d always be nice to me and liked hanging with me, and in 5th grade I took this one cute girl to a spring dance as my first date, and we both had a great time.

    Once I hit 7th grade, I basically lost all my mojo with the ladies; most of them think I’m weird, or just not interesting nowadays. I don’t ask girls out often anyways, but I couldn’t get a date even if my life depended on it, like one time in 10th grade I got video-taped and laughed at when I asked this one girl out for pizza. It’s amazing how things change in five years.

    What the hell happened that made all the girls lose interest in me? I’m not mean to anyone, at least not on purpose. What should I do to turn this around? I’m heading into 12th grade now.

    #847100 Reply

    There are so many things that could have changed. One is puberty has clearly changed things.

    Do you have good personal hygiene?

    Are you awkward? You say everyone thinks you’re weird. Why?

    Do you have friends and hobbies or take part in any sports? Do you have female friends?

    Many things could have changed for you and for the female population around you. For one thing, girls in fifth grade flirting with you has very little to do with mojo. It’s all pretty innocent then.

    Are you a nice guy? You say you’re not mean on purpose, does that mean you could be thoughtlessly mean or crude? If you stare at body parts or make some people uncomfortable that could influence how others feel about you.

    I’m just speculating. I have no idea why they think you’re weird.

    #847112 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Young children don’t date in the same way that teenagers and adults do. It’s apples and oranges. Girls saying the “like” you or are your girlfriend in elementary school is children just role-playing what adults do. It’s not based on anything. I would say that making those comparisons is not useful at all.

    #847131 Reply
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    Fred

    Interests: I played high school baseball in 9th & 10th grade, and I’ve been playing basketball as a hobby since I was like 6 years old. I watch UFC & Monster Energy AMA Supercross, plus cartoons & action/comedy movies. Other than that I like to play Nintendo & PlayStation, listen to rap & reggae music,

    Hygiene: Deodorant under arms and teeth brushed every morning. Showers every night, hair brushed morning and night.

    Friends: I’ve got a bunch of friends, mostly guys. The girls who do hang out with me are mostly just my cousins.

    Awkward: No, I do have a bad habit of flicking a pencil, but I’ve been doing that since like 3rd grade.

    I’m a nice guy, I do tell blue/black jokes every now and then, but most people seem to like hearing them and think they’re funny. I started making that kind my “thing” in like 6th grade.

    The only other thing I can think of that changed since my elementary school days is my voice, which happened in about February 2017, when I was 14. But what does that have to do with anything.

    #847133 Reply

    Ask your friends why. Ask your cousins. What are blue/black jokes? Brush your teeth a minimum of two times a day.
    Why do you think girls don’t like you? Are you attractive? Nice to people? Or crude? Creepy?

    #847134 Reply
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    Fred

    Blue comedy: Dirty jokes; Black Comedy: Dark jokes

    I’m nice to everybody by default. Only thing is if someone tries to piss me off, then I won’t be so nice.

    #847135 Reply

    When I first read black jokes, I thought you meant racist jokes. Google “black jokes.” Dark comedy is an actual term most people know.

    A lot of women don’t like guys who tell dirty or crude jokes. If you make people uncomfortable, they won’t want to spend more time with you. Are your jokes sexist? You say that’s your “thing” maybe that’s why the only female friends you have are related to you. I don’t know. I imagine you could probably ask your friends and family and figure this out.

    #847142 Reply
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    Fred

    Well, what else do you think could’ve changed? I’d really like this to go back to how it was from about 2nd/3rd grade through 6th grade. When the girls actually wanted to hang out with me. That spring dance is literally the only date I’ve ever been on, pathetic isn’t it?

    #847149 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Hi Hunter.

    #847151 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    A few things:

    1) I can see where you’re located. 2) Even if I couldn’t, you sound exactly the same in every post, you really can’t change your “voice.” 3) Just use one consistent name across posts, you’re going to get much better and more accurate advice when people have the context; it’s really wasting people’s time to ask for advice but try NOT to give them the info they need to answer your question. 4)People were a bit harsh last time but really I think the only motivation was for you to keep your job.

    Look, you can’t go back to childhood, none of us can. It kind of sucks, but all we can do is move forward and try to navigate the world around us as best we can.

    My take on this is that you were a sweet innocent child who treated girls just like other children/friends/equals. They felt safe around you. Then puberty hit. Now you’re being driven by hormones. Girls no longer feel safe and comfortable around you for several reasons. Sex is in the picture now. You want to do physical stuff with girls. That’s not really a thing in elementary school. I know you’re going to argue that you don’t say that kind of stuff to girls, but it doesn’t matter. They know that’s what’s up.

    I think your maturity level hasn’t caught up to the girls. It will eventually, but you’re very much still a “kid,” while girls are looking for a guy who’s a little older or seems mature and intriguing. You’re kind of impulsive and out of control emotionally sometimes. You swear and make jokes that probably aren’t a lot of people’s sense of humor. You’re loud and attention-seeking. Little kids are impressed by you and think you’re cool, but girls your age have moved past you.

    But I guess most importantly, you seem desperate. That’s okay, I get it, it makes sense, but girls sense and understand when a guy is just looking for female validation, a girlfriend, sex. Like we keep saying, you’re not seeing girls as people just like you, you see them as trophies and prizes and princesses. I thought one benefit of a job for you would be to start interacting with girls as fellow employees in a work setting, with things in common and a shared purpose. The job you have is great, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not doing that. Your cousin is the only girl your age, right?

    I think you need to branch out, get a different type of job in the fall after school and weekends, save your money, get out of Hawaii for college, or at least to a community college or something where it’ll be new kids from different schools who don’t know your high school and middle school persona. You can start fresh. Look for girls to be friends with who like gaming and cartoons. A SUPER cute Chinese girl in a graduate class I’m taking in computer science did her presentation on a multi-player game she loves. She was adorable. There are girls who like the things you like, but I think you need to calm down and think about being friends first, approach them on their level, talk about stuff you’re both interested in. Stop thinking so much about yourself all the time and start focusing more on other people. As people, not princesses.

    #847152 Reply
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    Helen

    Before I got to Kate’s reply I was thinking this sounded like Hunter lol. Listen to Kate dude. She’s telling you the truth. You’ll do better with women if you treat them as people not conquests

    #847163 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Like here’s an anecdote, ok, I’m a 40+ woman in a class full of mostly younger people, full-time grad students in their 20s. A few older people, mostly male.

    The second to last day of class we had to do presentations, of 10 mins. With 24 people in the class, that would take a MINIMUM of 4 hours even if everyone stuck to the time limit. So the professor told us if any of us could get there at 5:30pm instead of 6, we could start class early. So I got there a little after 5, and it’s just me and one other girl I don’t know. So I make a little joke, I clap my hands and say, o-KAY, let’s get started! That turned into a whole conversation. I have little in common with her, as a mid-career American professional, while she’s a grad student who has to find a first job where they’ll sponsor her visa. But I just listened to what she was saying and responded based on what she was telling me, instead of trying to lead the conversation from my point of view. And she talked a lot and we had a nice conversation and I learned things about her.

    The girl who presented about League of Legends, the professor asked her a question because she didn’t understand the chart about banning champions. She’s like, I don’t get it, why would you ban a champion. So I commented, “I think it’s the other team’s champion you ban, as part of your strategy, right?” To help her out and clarify. And I think she appreciated it. Guys were asking her questions too. I think after class they could easily have approached her and asked a question about her game and listened to her answer and had a conversation.

    I feel like in college or at a job, you’d be able to start doing this kind of thing.

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