Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Forgive People

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  • #853981 Reply
    avatarRobert F

    Should I forgive a friend/ bandmate who I was playing with weekly suddenly cancel and disappear for 6 weeks. Now he established contact like nothing happened.

    #853989 Reply

    Ask him what happened?

    #853991 Reply

    Yeah, without knowing what the reason is, it’s hard to say whether to forgive.

    There’s a world of difference between “Sorry I disappeared, I got a terrible diagnosis from my doctor and entered an aggressive treatment routine” and “I took off to spend time running drugs and sex slaves across the border with the hopes of finding better bandmates, but since I haven’t, I’m back.”

    #853997 Reply

    Also, just because you forgive him doesn’t mean you need to play with him again.

    #854003 Reply

    Don’t make decisions when you are angry.
    Let it cool for a couple of days, and ask him more information to know whatever path to take.
    I think you should let him know that you loathe his erratic behaviour, and you are not going to tolerate it anymore.

    #854011 Reply

    I’m with CurlyQue. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what he did and pretend it never happened. If you want to have a functional band you need band members that you can depend on. You can tell him he is no longer in the band but you could still hang out. Or, it is also fine to tell him he let you down and you don’t want to be friends. I wouldn’t pretend that nothing happened. I would ask where he was and what he was doing. If he had been terribly ill I think he would have let you know and even if he was ill and didn’t bother to tell you that is good enough reason to kick him out of the band.

    Think about what you need for the band to work.
    Think about what you need for the friendship to work.
    Think about whether your friend can fit into either aspect of your life.

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