Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Found a picture

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar Bacon Mistress 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #757082 Reply

    I was doing some website on a computer I share with my partner while he was picking up his oldest daughter. I had downloaded an image and when I went to retrieve it, I found a topless picture of his ex wife. She comes to visit us and one of her children every 2 months or so. Now, I’m not sure of when this picture was taken, but I do know it was downloaded on 5/20 from another computer. We have been together for 3 years now. I’m pretty hurt and am not entirely sure how I want to proceed. His daughter just came to town( with whom I don’t get along because she is horribly rude and disrespectful) and I’ve been holding this in to not ruin his time with her.

    I don’t know what I am hoping to get from posting here.. I’m just hoping for some relief I guess. I’m pretty hurt right now.

    #757085 Reply
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    JD

    The only thing that makes me curious is if he downloaded a bunch of stuff, like a file dump, and it just came, or if he basically just downloaded that. I know I have a pic or two that transferred from my old phone when I finally did a computer backup rather than icloud. I really don’t even know where it was hiding in my photo album on my phone.

    The down side is he will likely say it was an old download or something like I mentioned which could either be true, or an excuse.

    I think you just have to go with your gut if it feels true and if there are other things that make you think it is an issue. I would be upset too! Sorry you even have to figure this out.

    #757087 Reply

    Well, I had bought him a hard drive docking station so that he could transfer files from old hard drives on to his computer. Thing is, it was the only lone picture in there. There were other folders, but I didn’t bother opening them. Maybe everything else was in folders and that was the only line picture. It just sucks. I don’t really want to look at the other folders and find anything. 🙁

    #757090 Reply
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    JD

    Grr, ya it doesn’t make sense it wouldn’t be in a folder. I would just ask and see how you feel about the response assuming otherwise the trust is there. Expect all the folders to likely disappear though so while I don’t condone snooping, I also don’t feel bad about it when you literally put it in front of my face and give me a darn good reason to look. I think if I am being really honest I’d copy it onto a flash drive, toss it away into a drawer and access it if I ever felt I needed the info. I think a lot of people would say not to do that but after finding that pic I would really have a hard time not doing so.

    #757131 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Does the image look three years old?

    In this case, seeing as how the computer is shared and not private sure, look around. Just don’t go crazy snooping. I know some keep things like this, but I honestly think it’s kind of creepy to keep nude/topless pictures of people you aren’t in a relationship with anymore.
    Or, I’d just tell him what you found and see what he says. I am familiar with what lying looks like, (although I know my partner would be honest with me) so maybe get yourself ready to observe and don’t jump to conclusions unless they are duly supported by evidence.

    #757133 Reply

    I have no idea honestly. He hasn’t been with her for quite some time. He was married after her to a woman who subsequently took her own life. The first wife, the woman in question, cheated on him which is why their relationship ended. He has always maintained that he finds the thought of her in that manner utterly repulsive, but finding that picture makes me wonder. I’m trying to be level headed and not go off.

    #757134 Reply
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    Kate

    Isn’t there some way to look at the photo properties and see when it was taken? I’d google that. If you can see that it was taken recently, meaning he took it when she visited or she sent it to him while you were together, that’s grounds for breaking up. If it was taken previously and he saved it, that’s not necessarily a deal-breaker, depending on how he explains it and how much you trust him. You need to tell him you came across it and ask him about it, but like other people said, before you do that you probably want to look around a little more, knowing that you may not have a chance to after you bring it up.

    #757165 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I get not wanting to find something else, but even if you don’t find it, it’s there anyway, you know? Considering if you ask him, you’re probably going to get the same answer regardless of whether it’s true or not, you need to probably do some more digging around so you can have a better idea of what actually happened.

    #757173 Reply
    avatar
    Fyodor

    If you’re on windows you should be able to right click on it, choose properties, select details, and see the photo metadata. There will be a section labeled “origins” that says when it was taken.

    #757174 Reply
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    Autumnrose
    Member

    LW please update if you do confront husband over this. I’m curious about this one too. Unless it was saved on an old file, its concernimg and weird.

    #757175 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    And where it was taken probably too, right?

    #757186 Reply
    avatar
    Fyodor

    If it was taken on a location-enabled device and geotagging was enabled.

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