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Dear Wendy

Found Out I Have 1/2 Sibling

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  • #912193 Reply
    avatarS.C.
    Guest

    I have brothers and sisters. We’re all grown but we just found out through connections in one of those DNA discovery things that we have a half sibling.

    My parents had split in the late 90s because of my dad’s infidelity but later reconciled and have been together since. We found out that during that period they were apart he had a brief relationship with someone else that resulted in this half sibling we just found out about.

    Family is kind of in a big of surreal tailspin right now. I don’t know exactly what I’m asking for but maybe I’m moreso venting. This is some heavy shit! I want to meet my half brother and am really interested – on a positive note. But my mother, who has stuck by him, I know is having a harder time than she’s leading on. On the surface she has been positive and I believe she wants us to have whatever relationship we can with him. But it’s like.. what do you do now if you’re her? Am I mad at my dad for what happened 20 years ago? Even as an adult I’m all over the place.

    Anyone have words?

    • This topic was modified 5 days, 7 hours ago by Dear WendyDear Wendy.
    #912932 Reply
    avatarAlex
    Guest

    There is nothing like family drama! I stay away from it. This will sound harsh, but get over it. What happened 20 years ago is between your parents. It is exhausting to keep going on and on about the past and it doesn’t change anything.

    Be there for your Mom. She seems to be handling the situation in a classy way. In her shoes, I would not want a big fuss made, but a little special occasional attention or hug without words would be nice. Are there any interests/hobbies that you share and can talk about? She might appreciate it if you let her know when you meet your half sibling.

    It may be too soon to sort out your feelings for your Dad. You can dislike what someone did but unless there is ongoing nonsense, move forward and forgive. Let your Mom who was the one offended against take the lead.

    With a new family member, there will be changes. Focus on getting to know each other. Be practical. See what happens and don’t dwell on the emotional side until some time has passed. There will be time enough to assess your feelings once things settle down.

    #913606 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Does your dad know? Did he know back then?

    I’d be more attentive but let her feel her feelings, which can she might not even want to burden you with. This is complicated but she may not want to dwell on it.

    #914418 Reply
    avatarS.C.
    Guest

    My dad didn’t know until now. I think the relationship with this other woman was more in depth than at least I expected but I do think it’s good advice to try to move on mentally/emotionally. It was so long ago, it’s just hard because the information is so new.

    My mom has put up with her fair share and her motto was always, ‘not everything broken has to be thrown away.. you can fix always fix it’.. while I think it’s admirable I also can’t wrap my head around her ability to remain calm and forgive.. just fresh and I don’t know what to do with the information yet

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