Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Found out the guy I met on dating site is married
- This topic has 12 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 7 months, 3 weeks ago by
Melts.
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Melts
GuestI’ve been talking to some guy online for some weeks. He is in the forces so away from his home, but obviously it takes effort for him to leave the base but I was okay to get to know before we meet. He showed very much interest in me. Texting every morning, messaging during the day time,calling me everyday video, voice calls.
it was emotionally building up something and definitely flirting. A few times felt he was trying to push me away talking about the job would send him to different country. Would be hard to meet then. But kept talking to me. One night soon he was saying I don’t much ask questions about him. What if I’m married and have kids. I had a look on Facebook page and little research helped me find his family photos. Which means he is married. I feel too depressed going through this experience. Luckily I haven’t met him yet and he says he is sorry… And yes like every married men lies, he says he mentioned about divorced to the wife. I know I should avoid the situation but I’m not even mad at him. Just feeling so depressed. What should I do?GuestWe met on the dating app. He said he was there only for conversation but he got away with it. He is sorry etc.
Fyodor
GuestDo not become emotionally invested in “relationships” where you haven’t met in person. Find people who are local and go on dates with them.
GuestHere is a post dealing with the same problem where we gave the same advice.
https://dearwendy.com/topic/is-my-ldr-boyfriend-losing-interest-in-me/
GuestThank you very much Fyodor
GuestFor what it’s worth, you’re not the first person to make this mistake and you won’t be the last. It’s easy to kind of get sucked into an online interaction because there is a kind of fake-intimacy to it without any real risk. But it’s not the way to go. Half the world is men-I’m sure there are many nice men local to you. Find one of them and go get a milkshake or go bowling.
Kate
KeymasterRUN! Don’t talk to this guy ever again. Block him. He’s trying to cheat on his wife. He’s 100% lying to you that he mentioned divorce, and even if he’s not, which he is, HE’S STILL MARRIED with kids and trying to meet women online.
The reason you’re depressed is because you wasted weeks of your valuable time chatting with a loser who’s not actually available and getting way too invested. When you meet a guy on a dating site and you hit it off on chat, you need to immediately meet him in person. Suggest meeting for a drink or coffee if he doesn’t. If he’s at all squirrely about meeting, stop engaging with him, he’s not available. If he’s long-distance, don’t even chat with him. He should not be on a dating site wasting people’s time who live in other countries or time zones.
You can’t chat with guys for longer than a few days before you meet up. At best, you may not have physical chemistry. At worst he’s catfishing you. Don’t waste your time.
KeymasterI would add, don’t talk to military men on dating sites. There are so many scammers out there who pretend to be military guys stationed overseas. They steal pics and make a fake profile. Eventually they will ask you for money. Same with guys who cla to work on an oil rig.
And if they’re not a Nigerian scammer, they’re probably married.
CopaParticipantYeah, this guy is a liar. Block, delete, do not meet.
There is a statistic I’ve read that 30-something percent of online dating service users these days are in some form of committed relationship and based on my experiences and friends’, I’d believe it. Years ago, I learned a now ex-boyfriend had been online dating a little over a year into our relationship. A few years ago, a friend had a newer boyfriend of maybe 3-4 months end their relationship by admitting he’d been online and telling her she should go get an STD test. I’ve had multiple friends unknowingly end up out on dates with men who were married. One friend even discovered about 4-5 months in that one of her now ex-boyfriends was married… I met the guy! I’ve even learned in the past couple years that there are FB groups based by region/city called Are We Sharing Boyfriends.
All this to say, there are lots of shady, selfish, manipulative guys on online dating sites. They’re not looking for a conversation. If that’s what they wanted, they’d find a website to make friends like MeetUp or even a forum like this one.
And of course he’s “sorry” now that you figured it out. He’s still hoping to cheat on his wife!
peggy
Guest100% what Kate and Copa said! Exchange 3 or 4 messages and then meet within
a few days, or no longer than a week after you first connect on line. I would take the “no long distance” to be not more than an hour’s drive away. Some places are more rural and spread out than others.
I must have been on more than 50 coffee/first dates before I met my partner.
It is a ‘process”. I met guys that weighed 60 pounds more than their photos. Guys that turned out to still be in love with their “ex” wives. Guys who lived in a borderline hoarder house etc. Meeting right away gets you farther down the path of their reality.
Also if a guy is only around or available at certain/odd times, then that is a red flag. I had a guy message me when I was at work and wanted to talk on phone. I said I was working, but if he gave me his number (I did not give him mine at this stage) I would call him in the evening. I never heard back from him. Guessing he was married or had a live in GF.Anonymousse
GuestDamn. Everyone already said all the good things! And Copa that Facebook group sounds awesome!
I have never dated online, but from being on this site for ages, so many people use apps to cheat. It’s so easy to lie. In person, in real life, it is much harder to, which is why you need to meet up right away as Kate said.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, just learn from this experience. Don’t let it hit your confidence.
GuestI did go on a date from an online dating site back in the early aughts. The guy showed up was at least a decade older and then after one drink, I left and he literally followed me home. That’s why I stopped! One online date and I was done.
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