Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Found the one? – off my chest

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  • #871955 Reply

    Hi, so basically this year I’ve had the most hopeless Christmas Eve so far. Sipping red wine, looking blank but still having this incomprehensible sense of something new coming in the way. Which only makes sense now, I shrugged it off that night.

    Real long story short, next day I was about to have the most spontaneous night maybe like ever. Got in touch with an old friend, everything happened in a soooo ’this is exactly as it should be’ way, it even scared the hell out of me. 5 years ago I had a crush on a guy. Typical unreachable, rich, handsome, popular, womanizer. Alright, we were 18 or something back then so maybe no surprise there. Regarding looks, he was not even my ideal. Brown eyes, dark hair…But there was something about him that was so familiar even then. But that was it I let it go, knowing it was just a cursh.

    Years passed without even seeing him, although we live in the same city. But this year… I mean last year (2019) Out of nowere came him. Omg I see him even in these letters I’m just typing right now…I won’t go into any deeper details, it’d take ages so if you’re curious, let me know. The point is I’m pretty confused now. Deep down it’s a brand new feeling, I’ve had a few crushes in my life so far, a few love maybe but this is something entirely different. And I’m for real. I mean it. I feel it.

    That night everything was spontaneous, happened in synchronicity. We ended up at their place. They live in a smaller flat. Firstly oc we talked a bit, I remember he was on a huff after I was mentioning something about we should go find him a girl, bc I was convinced he was just having fun no matter who is the girl he is doing it with. So he left me in the street, front of the pub we were partying. I was thinking of following him back in the building but then for some reason I just slowed down my steps and let it go with a bitter smile ’it’s better this way’.
    We kept on dancing with my friend and then out of nowhere he popped up again behind my back, gently grabbing my arm and asking if we should leave. Butterflies, dream come true and such feelings I said yes, I wanted to life for the moment, take this chance no matter how it ends. It ended at their place us making out. He didn’t even know my name, confused it with my friend’s name, and not that only bc of this but I didn’t want to sleep with an almost stranger. It’s just it felt like I’ve met the one… we were tipsy, but still I can say I had the most amazing night so far…I wanted to leave at least 5 times, he first was so upset and said ’ok, you go then, ****…’ but then ’just stay here, and sleep with me’ but then let me go at around 6 a.m. Yeah…

    Sadly – not on purpose – I left my earrings on his desk which I miss so badly. Days passed oc he doesn’t know my name couldn’t even find me. I met another friend of mine and synchronicity again, we bumped into them 2 times a night. And my friend was just sooo awkward asked him if they could have a word just the two of them. And he gently kept her off his back saying they are just about to leave. But I knew he recognized me, he said hi with his eyes smiling, barely looking at me. Then my friend contacted him on fb, she received no reply for like a week now.
    I was fed up with the fact, my belongings are still at him so I took control, wrote him. He replied an hour later. I thought he’d write something like Ok, or who is this, what are you talking about? But I wrote him ’I really miss my earrings, they mean a lot to me, so it’d be just great if you could send them back to me somehow.’ His reply:’Alright, I’m not sure when is the next time I’m traveling home, but I will give them back then.’ I replied ’Fine, you could just leave it somewhere or anything, just please let me know when.’ Him: ’Alright.’
    And that’s it. What do you guys think? Is it hopeless? I have a feeling it’s really different…I’ve changed a lot since that night, I became more responsible, even domestic What if even if just a little bit he feels the same way? I know this whole thing is ****ed up, he lives in another city working with an artistic company being an artist so who knows? Maybe he is having nights like this every other day…

    #871962 Reply

    I think it sounds like a hook up with a mean douchebag where he barely remembered who you were and can’t even be arsed to give your earrings back.

    It’s hardly Disney is it?

    #871963 Reply

    He doesn’t even know your name. There were so many opportunities for him to flirt or try to reach you and he didn’t. This isn’t love. That feeling when you saw him is called lust.
    If he liked you he’d have said something like, “Of course! I’ll be free Friday night at 7. Let’s meet at this place.” He would have made it into a thing and maybe even followed up by chatting with you more. He didn’t. I’m sorry.

    If guys are confusing, vague or seem not interested, they are not interested.

    #871964 Reply

    You think so? :/ He is barely home, maybe that’s why… He can’t be an arsehole, can he?

    #871967 Reply

    Sounds a bit like a “negging” behavior. He doesn’t sound like a catch, by any means.

    #871969 Reply

    Yeah, you are probably right :/ It must be my overly-romantic self playing its game in my mind again… 😀

    #871971 Reply

    “…I wanted to leave at least 5 times, he first was so upset and said ’ok, you go then, ****…’ but then ’just stay here, and sleep with me’ but then let me go at around 6 a.m.”

    Separate from everything else, this is not great.

    #871975 Reply

    He called you a ****? Like a demeaning word?! And he doesn’t know your name!? Please, please get some self-worth. Read a book on it at least. Try to have some standards. This is sad.

    #871977 Reply

    It sounds like you may watch a lot of movies, like romantic comedies or romantic dramas. Finding “the one” isn’t really about coincidences and stuff like that. It’s when you date someone, decide to get serious and then realize you fit into each other’s lives and want to build a future together. It’s exciting in the sense that you get to spend time with and perhaps have a family with someone you love, but it’s not going to be the climax of a rom-com. It is probably good to understand that going forward because otherwise I’m concerned you may continue making some unwise romantic decisions based on the idea that impulsivity and spontaneity means someone is a “soulmate.”

    #871985 Reply

    Haha no, the ****s stand for the f-word, interjection. He might have been upset that I wanted to leave without giving myself in 😀 After all, maybe he is a douchebag indeed. Had he called me using the b-word I’d even have slapped him right away.

    Feelings…I’m quite intuitive, sometimes it is hard even for me to understand the possible meanings or essence of these feelings but truth is no matter how arsehole he might have been, I still feel something different for him…And I know, my common sense tells me so, too that I shouldn’t and he is not behaving as a decent 24 yo should behave, but still. Confused af. I feel like I’m over those silly idealised crushes that lived only im my fantasies but it’s like for the first time in my life I had a feeling in the presence of a guy that made me think what I’d always denied, I could even imagine having a family with him…Silly I know.

    #871986 Reply

    I mean, this in the kindest possible way, but you sound like a mentally ill person and not in a cute movie way. This isn’t even some minor but benign interaction that you are blowing up. He treated you poorly! He didn’t want to deal with you at all! He mixed you up with your friend. He doesn’t like you.

    #871990 Reply

    Honestly, it sounds like you have created a fantasy and fallen for it. To even ask: “Is he the one?” is utterly bizarre, because far from being the one, he seems a poor choice for a second date.

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