Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend advice?

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  • This topic has 12 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 1 day ago by avatarTheOtherOtherMe.
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 13 total)
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  • #964413 Reply
    avatarMondaylady
    Guest

    A friend of 10+ years forgot my birthday. Should I forget hers too?

    #964416 Reply
    avatarKarebear1813
    Participant

    Intentionally forgetting your friends birthday because they forgot yours would be petty. You should call them up, make small talk and when they ask how are you doing you should mention something like “Oh I’m doing well, just turned another year old… I’m becoming an old fart” and see what they say. They could have genuinely forgot.

    #964417 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    No, you shouldn’t, unless you want to end the friendship. That’s so petty and immature. You should give this person some grace and forgive their forgetting. It’s been a really hard year for everyone. Some are struggling to get up in the morning and care for themselves. I’m sure they didn’t purposely disregard your birthday.

    #964419 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    No, you shouldn’t do that.

    #964421 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    Hell no. You have no idea what she had going on. A friend of mine forgot my birthday and I was disconcerted a wee bit but turned out her life was being super weird in a way she wasn’t able at the time to share.Nobody (well, very close ones did, which was lovely) marked my birthday pretty much this year as it fell right after lockdown. They couldn’t even go to a card shop.Just do what you would normally do for her and forget the past, these have been odd times.Cherish friendships they are worth much more than tokens.

    #964422 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Loads and LOADS of people do not treat birthdays as a big deal once they are adults. Some do, some don’t. I don’t know how old you are, but I suggest getting used to the idea that not everyone regards it as a reason to make a big fuss over you.

    #964426 Reply
    avatarsaneinca
    Guest

    I am going to say it is ok if you don’t want greet her or make a fuss about it yourself.

    Or if she is otherwise a good friend, you could be gracious, give her the benefit of doubt that she forgot it due to other factors and greet her (or whatever you usually do for birthdays) this year.

    Tit for tat is feels good in theory but it will not make you feel any better.

    If she does it again next year, then you can definitely forget hers too. I mean if birthdays does not mean that much to her, the same applies to herself too.

    #964432 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    That’s petty as fuck. I always forget birthdays. Shit, this year I totally forgot to check in with one of my dearest friends on her birthday. Things happen. Life gets in the way sometimes. We get distracted. It doesn’t mean I love a person less. Shit, my dad forgot my birthday one year. I definitely don’t care if my friends remember.

    Why not try “Hey, you forgot my birthday, that’s not like you, are you OK?” If her reaction is “Yeah, I’m not doing birthdays anymore” then you don’t have to acknowledge hers.

    #964436 Reply
    avatarCopa
    Participant

    Omg no, don’t do this. My birthday this year fell on a day where we were still under strict lockdown for COVID and the BLM protests were in full force and you know what? A lot of people forgot and ended up reaching out to me later. I didn’t care. I had a great day out in nature disconnecting with my boyfriend and dog. And on the flip side, I forget a lot of birthdays because I seldom know the date off the top of my head, don’t save them to my phone/calendar, and don’t log into Facebook often where I might be reminded. This just doesn’t need to be a big deal.

    Honestly, if this is your reaction to a forgotten birthday, this friendship is probably on life support and you don’t even need to continue it. I don’t really understand this level of resentment over a forgotten birthday unless there are other, bigger grievances here. IF you feel the need to address it, take a straightforward approach.

    #964543 Reply
    avatarCarrotstick21
    Guest

    I forgot my sister’s birthday this year. Not because I don’t know when it is; I do. It’s because with the pandemic, and every day stretching out ahead the same, I have no idea what TODAY is. I realized what day it was several days too late. Which she was cool about, because who is doing anything anyway for holidays, if they are a sane person? So I’d give people a pass this year. It’s unusual times.

    #964547 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    I don’t get the fuss most people insist on making over their birthdays. It’s always just needless pointless fucking drama. All of it petty.

    Grow up, LW. Grow up.

    #964549 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    It’s 2020. What even is time anymore? Do birthdays still exist? Should they matter if you’re over the age of 13?

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