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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend advice.. did I do something wrong?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Friend advice.. did I do something wrong?

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  • #1109041 Reply
    Di
    Guest

    I have or had a best friend from college. We were in each other’s wedding. She moved to Texas and Hawaii bc her husband is in the military. I always made it a point to keep in touch and send birthday and Christmas gifts to her and her baby. A year after my wedding I went to Texas to visit her to make an effort to stay in touch and be a good friend. We always called and caught up on each other birthday. Over time she stopped sending gifts. Which is fine I didn’t care too much when the gifts stopped. I eventually stopped when she stopped sending them. Then all of a sudden she started to forget my bday. I still to this day wish her a happy birthday. She has 2 other friends from college, we all use to hang out. She goes out of her way to travel and visit them. It hurt me when she came into to town (where i live) to visit family and didn’t tell me she was in town or visited. I get she probably got busy but in the past regardless if she was busy she made an effort and had me come to see her at her family’s. I know them all. It really hurt. It hurt more she eventually stopped saying happy birthday and threw her other 2 friends a 30th bday party. Invited them to fly to Texas to Stay with her. I stopped making the effort of calling and texting and notice we don’t talk at all. I was always the first to call or text. She moved back to the same state as me but lives an hr away. I found out through social media not directly from her. One day I commented on her post she said we should do a play date with the kids and have dinner if I came up to visit. I said sure and if she was on my side of town she can reach out too. I feel like our friendship pretty much ended. I kept thinking why the other 2 girls are still her friends and I am not? Did I not try hard enough? I truly believe if the other girls lived here she would have reached out to tell them she was moving back here. It just all really hurts bc she was my best friend. Now I’ve lost her. I keep thinking what did I do wrong?

    #1109046 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Everything you’ve described in your 3 posts is just a normal part of becoming an adult. Hanging on to a long distance relationship too long and getting hurt when it ends badly, getting married, having babies, moving states, losing touch with friends. That’s all just life. Happens to everyone.

    I think instead of having these high expectations of your friends and being annoyed with them for not living up to them, think about making new friends who are at the same life stage as you. You’re a new mom, do you meet other moms through FB groups or the park or other activities with your baby?

    With this friend, you grew apart and it doesn’t seem like there’s any point in continuing to check in. With the other friend, be happy when you get to spend time with her, but don’t push her to do more than she’s comfortable with. Be careful about guilting people or being passive aggressive or pushy.

    #1109047 Reply
    Di
    Guest

    Thank you for your suggestions. It’s one of those things you can’t really understand it bc your in the situation. From your explanations it makes sense. I guess I’m just sad with some of the changes. It’s hard to make friends in your 30s. I’m trying to make an effort in the moms group I just joined. Thank you for your suggestions.

    #1109048 Reply
    Di
    Guest

    Thank you for your suggestions. It’s one of those things you can’t really understand it bc your in the situation. From your explanations it makes sense. I guess I’m just sad with some of the changes. It’s hard to make friends in your 30s. I’m trying to make an effort in the moms group I just joined. Thank you for your advice.

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