Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend Advice

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  • #840936 Reply

    I don’t know if I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill or not but I need a 4th opinion. Little backstory, I’m a sophomore in college, one of my friends hit me up, asking me for something, just storage over the summer. Thing is last time we spoke was March, and I don’t know if she even wanted to talk with me, because I hit them by chance. We get along great, we were roommates for a while, and then this year starts. I get it people are busy, I’m busy, my best friend and I are states apart but we never get mad at each other if we don’t sometimes speak to each other for weeks.

    The thing about this friend is, they’re super nice and they care, and time are tough, so I try to help out when I can with little things. It’s summer, we all go home, well the ones that are fortunate enough do, they kinda can’t. So they need storage, I don’t really care I’d do it for free when it’s just mine, and I’m sharing with another friend and I don’t think they would mind when the financial situation is explained to them.

    What I’m having trouble with is that I’m a bit annoyed and disappointed. They were so sure they were going to get this opportunity that they were unsure if they wanted to live with me over the summer when I asked because they wanted the possibility of living by themselves, so I had to make other plans because I had deadline. I ask again if they wanted live with me for the school year, was unsure. I hate campus food, so I cook and I know they struggle with food sometimes, so I always ask if they want food or want to come over for some food, they say no because they have left over pizza or Chinese in the fridge or because they don’t want to come get it. Our buildings are 10 steps from each other.

    I made took care of them when they were sick for a bit after class, with medicine and tissues when they didn’t have. Never got the medicine back, had to buy new ones, that’s not really relevant though. Now it’s present time, I spontaneously get texted during class, answer a few questions asked to me, tell them I’ll respond later because I’m in class, but still get texted. There plans kinda fell through, I get it life happens, they ask for this and that, ask me who I’ll be living with over the summer, the position they were hesitant to accept while I had a deadline, (we lived together before and we got along great, they are in a relationship, hence the hesitation), they need somewhere to crash but I won’t be living by myself. I left the conversation at that, I didn’t know how to reply.

    Instead of studying for an exam, I’m doing this. I recounted all this to another good friend, but I think I left out some details or just wrote something that wasn’t as clear as I should’ve been. They told me that the person isn’t being fair to me, and though they appreciate and like that person as well, I deserve better. I just don’t know. What do you think? Thanks!


    #841016 Reply

    This friend wants to store stuff at your place over the summer? If you can, figure out a rate and offer them space for $30/month or something.

    If you don’t want to say, “No, sorry. That doesn’t work for me.” End of story. Stop offering, stop helping if you don’t like the way they treat you.

    #841019 Reply

    Are you feeling used? Not appreciated but used?

    You can always say no. It’s easy, as anonymousse said, to say that it doesn’t work for you. You don’t even need to give a reason it doesn’t work. Just that doesn’t work for me. If they push for a reason and it’s over text you don’t have to reply. If in person repeat, it just doesn’t work for me.

    #841024 Reply

    Ugh, it’s not about “deserving.” If you don’t want to do it, just don’t do it. That’s it.

    “Sorry, that won’t work for me.” Done.

    Stop over-functioning for people.

    #841025 Reply

    Also, it’s hard to understand what all happened here. Use periods when you write.

    #841030 Reply

    All the stuff about all the ways you’ve tried to help this person, and they’ve taken advantage (not given the medicine back) or not accepted the help (leftovers) why were you offering all of those things? Did you say, “Hey, could please return my cough medicine when you’re feeling better, thanks.”?
    The food thing is…were you upset that he would pass on spending time with you?

    #841037 Reply

    You have a roommate? Did your roommate agree? (Without your back story of need?) No? Just say you can’t this year.

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