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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend is mad at me for postponing our trip so I can attend my cousins gender reveal

Home Forums Advice & Chat Friend is mad at me for postponing our trip so I can attend my cousins gender reveal

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 15 total)
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  • #1109079 Reply
    Rosie
    Guest

    Hey guys, so I actually posted here a day ago asking for advice about a trip with my friend. But to get to the point, today my cousin told me the date of her baby shower (May 28). Problem is, I (20F) was planning on visiting my friend (20M) from May 21-31.

    My cousin has been through a lot the past couple of weeks after finding out she’s pregnant and she is the person I’m closest to. Her boyfriend left her when he found out she was keeping the baby and she has been having a hard time with him lately. I told him that we would have to postpone the trip a week or two so I could attend. He got mad at me and kept saying a gender reveal is a ‘small thing’ and that it’s not that big of a deal. I tried explaining to him that I really want to be there to for her, not solely because it’s a gender real but because it’s a big milestone and she’s been dealing with a lot, but he kept telling me ‘it’s just a reveal’ and that it’s not important.

    He also told me he took off work and I told him that I can still come from the 21-27th, but he was still angry because that shortens the trip … I then told him I could come mid -June but he got angry and said ‘you can decide, you’re the one changing shit. You’ll probably change the next one too’ He then restated that he took off work but he can easily let them know that there was a date change with his plans (his workplace is very relaxed and he is able to do this).

    We went back and forth for a minute and it got a little heated… honestly, I wasn’t mad that he had a different opinion than me , I was angry because I felt like he wasn’t listening to the reasons why I feel I need to be there for her or trying to understand. And I know it’s a just a gender reveal but I want to support her. I ended up telling him I had to go but I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here. Advice ???

    #1109080 Reply
    Rosie
    Guest

    Meant to say gender reveal lol, not baby shower

    #1109082 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Is this “friend” you are visiting a sex friend? Or boyfriend? Because he’s acting like a real asshole. You should support your friend if that’s what you want to do. You don’t have to ask his opinion, take it into account and make a decision based on what he wants. You can decide it’s important for you and that can be the end of it.

    #1109086 Reply
    ktfran
    Participant

    IDK, I’d be pretty upset if a friend canceled a trip because of a gender reveal party. Especially if I took an entire week off of work. An entire week is different than a day or two here or there. A week takes some planning with workload and making sure you’re covered. A day or two doesn’t necessarily require that.

    I’d react differently though. I probably wouldn’t have been so angry on the phone, but I would definitely reconsider the friendship and think twice about planning something like that in the future.

    #1109088 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    That’s true, but I think he does sound over the top angry about it.

    #1109091 Reply
    Rosie
    Guest

    That’s true … though I did tell him I could still visit from the 21-27 but he didn’t seem to like that either since it shortened the trip by a couple of days

    #1109092 Reply
    ktfran
    Participant

    Oh, agree he’s over the top angry about it! @rosie, give him some time to cool off and maybe broach the shortened trip again.

    #1109095 Reply
    SM
    Guest

    I agree that his response would make me question the friendship/relationship as he seems over the top. Is he this way about other things that don’t go his way?

    That said if this is out of character for him, since he already has the time off of work, is there a reason he can’t come to you? This way you could take a few hours on the 28 May to go to the gender reveal and be there for your cousin, and still all the time with him?

    #1109096 Reply
    Rosie
    Guest

    No not a sex friend lol. Granted, he did kiss me when we were drunk at my house when he visited me in December but I told him I’m more comfortable being friends

    #1109099 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    So it’s a guy who wants more from you but is hoping you’ll change your mind?

    I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I’ve never had a male friend go from expressing sexual interest to actually being a friend, because it always gets in the way.

    I don’t know, this is a weird situation. You’d think with a months notice he wouldn’t be throwing a fit. That’s what makes me think he likes you more than you like him, even as a friend.

    Regardless of what you choose to do, I’d choose supporting a friend who is genuinely in a hard spot and having a tough time vs. one who ultimately is probably upset that he’s been friendzoned and now you changing plans. That’s less important than your soon to be single mom, IMHO.

    #1109101 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Have you visited him like this before? Because his reaction sounds like he was trying to set up the perfect week where he’ll finally convince you that you were meant to be together.

    Unless I had purchased theater or concert tickets I really wouldn’t care if someone adjusted dates on me. Shit happens. This dude is either really high strung or really expecting more from you on this trip.

    #1109236 Reply
    Greg M
    Guest

    Gender reveal parties are the absolute worst. I’d be upset if I was your friend.

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