Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend is pushing me away

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  • #1097421 Reply

    I have an online friend who I met 3 months ago. I really enjoy talking to him and our friendship seemed to be smooth sailing until yesterday. He blocked me and then told me that he didn’t want to end our relationship like this but he had to because he was used to feeling empty and said it was very pressurising to have someone waiting outside of their walls for them to come out. He said he’s not sure whether he’s happy or sad to have someone. I previously mentioned that I hate it when people ghost me, so I guess he didnt want to ghost me and just decided to end it there. He changed his game account pw (I used to go on there to help him with commissions) but didnt unfollow me on any other social media platforms. Long story short, I asked for us to still remain friends and that even if he ghosts me, I’ll wait for him. I can understand why he’s doing this as he was neglected when he was a kid and eight of his cats died recently, with one dying just yesterday. Im very worried for him, but he hates comforts, so I cant comfort him when he’s feeling very sad. We talked again this morning and were on good terms but he’s blocked me again now. Im not sure what to do. Am I causing more harm than good clinging onto this relationship? And what should I do if this happens again?

    #1097422 Reply
      When he blocks me, he still talks in the discord server but just never talks to me. Am I the problem? Is he better off if we just never talk again?
    #1097429 Reply

    You are not the problem. Dude has more issues than a magazine stand in an airport.

    Leave him alone because he’s asked you to leave him alone. If he reaches out tell him that you’re going to respect his boundaries, because that’s what friends do. But you also have to protect yourself. You can’t get pulled in and pushed away endlessly. He doesn’t get to control the friendship solely on his terms.

    And this is manipulation 101 kiddo. “How much do you care about me?” “If you really cared about me, you’d be there every time I come back.” “I can’t love/can’t be loved and you’ll leave me too.” “Prove your friendship”

    #1097433 Reply

    You are better off if you don’t talk again because this is a three month online friendship with someone who isn’t very friendly who no longer wants to be your friend and also…

    Eight cats died recently? That seems suspicious and highly strange to me. Back away and look for more friends you can meet IRL.

    #1097436 Reply

    In part it is you. You’ve invested too much in a 3-month online-only friendship and then basically refused to back off after he demanded you do that. The big problem is that you seem to think you can fix him and restore the friendship. You can’t. He sounds like a hermit with mental health issues. You’ve been walking on eggs with him when he’s sad, which he seems to be quite often. I agree with anonymousse about losing eight cats recently. Either he isn’t getting them proper veterinary care and a disease is spreading among them, he isn’t feeding or otherwise caring for them properly, or he or someone in his living situation has played a more active role in their demise.

    #1097437 Reply

    The usual reasons this happens are 1) he has a girlfriend and 2) he isn’t into you or finds you to be “too much” but doesn’t want/know how to tell you that.

    Trust me, it is *not* that he has crippling mental health issues he needs your help with. Respect the block and don’t keep reaching out.

    #1097441 Reply

    No, you are not the problem…but you HAVE over-invested in this online-only friendship. You don’t know who this guy actually is, you just know who he has held himself out to be online for a short, three-month period of time. You will be better off if you cut communication now instead of going through the emotional rollercoaster of being blocked, then unblocked, then blocked again.

    How are your real-life friendships and relationships? Online friendships can turn into IRL friendships sometimes, but you really ought to be investing time and energy into the people who live nearby, who you can spend meaningful time with in person. Trying a new hobby or joining a club you find online can be great ways to do this.

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