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Friend Problems

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  • #1031495 Reply
    avatarraspberry21
    Participant

    So basically I just feel like the black sheep in my friend group. I feel irritable and impatient with them. I feel like everything they say annoys me almost to the point where I hate them. I really don’t want to hate anyone especially not my friends. I don’t know why I feel this way, I’d love to agree with their opinions, to enjoy what they enjoy and to have fun in their company but everything they say or do has started to irk me so much and I think it shows. We just seem to have completely different views on everything and it makes me feel like if I say how I feel I’m wrong cause I get ganged up on. We have different opinions on everything, for example how we view the pandemic, they seem to be more concerned with feeling bad for students getting fined for house parties than they do for people actually sick with the virus. They would donate to pay off someone’s fine before they would donate to charity. I’d rather go for a hike and they would rather drink in the living room. I just feel like there’s something wrong with me. Why can’t I loosen up? Why am I so uptight? I had a different friend group two years ago in college and I fell out with some of the girls in that group too because I felt so impatient and irritated at their immature outlook and how out of touch they were with reality. I want to be more tolerant, how do I stop feeling burning irritation in my gut at some of my friends. I know I need to lighten up a bit, I just can’t help getting this feeling. I have a few friends I’ve had since childhood who I love and don’t feel this way towards, it’s really just the people I seem to be meeting in college but it hurts because I always considered myself a friendly person and now I’m starting to feel like I’m difficult to get along with. I heard back recently that one of the girls said nobody likes me. It hurt.

    #1031503 Reply
    avatarAnonymous
    Guest

    There is nothing wrong for being you or being mature at your age amongst your friends or being thoughtful/considerate for other people or for what’s you think/feel is more realistic than your friends. Friendship is like any other relationships or job, if it doesn’t work out for you then go find another that is more compatible for you, of course you’ll be happy. If you find yourself so attached to your current friends then teach yourself to accept who they are even if they are immature and don’t care about less-fortunate/homeless people. Treat them as “friends by mouth” and not as “good friends or best friends”.

    #1031504 Reply
    avatarAnonymous
    Guest

    But never change yourself for them or anyone else. Be you for you. Don’t feel hurt for what they said because obviously they lack the sense of care for other people’s feeling or well being. Friends by mouth. Look for diff group of friends who are mature like you then you’ll be happy.

    #1031505 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    I imagine there’s a common theme with how you keep falling in with people that annoy the living shit out of you but also how people apparently don’t like you. Hanging around with people you can’t stand doesn’t make you more mature than them, even if you think they’re childish. Mature people realise when a situation isn’t working for them and make moves to change it rather than sit around and argue with people they’re never going to agree with. They don’t like you, you don’t like them – seems like the solution has presented itself, no?

    #1031521 Reply
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    Since you’re in college, it’s time to take advantage of the many groups and clubs on campus. Since you like to hike see if there are some outdoor clubs you can join, or trivia club, book club, or clubs for people who don’t want to party/drink. Talk to someone at student life about social events being held on campus/virtually.

    You say you have burning hatred for these people, but then say it hurts to hear they don’t like you. You don’t like them either! I’m not exactly sure what you mean by them being immature, but, yeah, people in college are often into partying and enjoying themselves. And as Ange said above, keeping yourself in a situation that clearly isn’t working and then blaming other people isn’t something a mature person does. If you’re worried the root cause of this is something going on with you, then I recommend taking advantage of your college’s health services to meet with a counselor there.

    #1031522 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Agree with golfer.gal – get involved with groups who have the same interest. There are likely groups who support charitable organizations or social support networks. Join student government, student media. Shit, I volunteered as a seamstress in the costume shop for the theater department and I can barely use a sewing machine. I spent my time happily ironing, ripping seams and dying fabric.

    Sometimes we grow apart from people. It happens. And no one likes to be disliked, but in reality, it sounds like you don’t really respect them very much so not being liked by them… eh.

    #1031530 Reply
    avatarRaspberry21
    Guest

    Hi guys thanks for the feedback.
    I think when I wrote that I was in a really bad place and was really upset. I don’t hate anyone and the situation is a bit deeper than I explained in the first place, I think the first person who replied hit the nail on the head. They’re party friends and that’s okay. A number of things have happened since falling in with this group where I’ve supported them as best as I could when they needed someone and then when I needed someone when I was at my worst they would act like they didn’t even notice. I wasn’t always this way with them. I don’t think I’m more mature or better than them in any way I was clearly very upset that I feel I don’t fit in anymore. I just don’t feel good around these people and I think the reason I feel so irritated in their presence these days is because they really make me feel shit about myself for not being the same as them. I don’t always lose the friends I make, it has happened on one occasion other than this. I have many lifelong friends not from college. I’m really not an awful person my group was just making me feel so shit and I wanted some advice, I didn’t phrase it properly in the moment so I understand where ye are coming from. I have only disagreed with them once or twice when I felt they were really out of line, for example standing up for my friend when they had a house party in lockdown without asking my friend (who lives with them) if she was okay with it and she was upset. But even having a difference of opinion once or twice and they’ll immediately turn on you for not always thinking the same as them. This was the situation that apparently nobody liked me for. So I don’t think it’s fair to imply I give them reason not to, I’ve put a lot of effort in to my friendship with them and they have changed their opinion of me based on one or two disagreements. the group mentality of always having to be the same as the others when that isn’t how I feel just makes me feel like a shit person. I hope this makes more sense. I understand now that I’m not so emotional about it that they just aren’t deep friends, they don’t want to help with things they just want to party which is their business and if that’s not the kind of friend I need right now I just need to focus on my other friends.

    #1031531 Reply
    avatarRaspberry21
    Guest

    I think a big problem of mine is that I always want things to be perfect. I always expect to like everyone and for everyone to like me so I try so hard to please people but end up feeling shit because that isn’t who I am. I want to be able to have fun with the girls but it seems I’m trying to force something that isn’t natural anymore, I think we’ve grown in different directions and I need to accept that it’s natural to not get on with everyone so by me trying to I’m damaging my relationships with people instead of making them better. I would be better off being civil with these girls and distancing myself in regards to closeness. I always try to love everyone and expect them to love me back but when im forcing it it’s just never going to work and I feel constantly conflicted between caring about people and also not enjoying their company or agreeing with their views on anything. I think I need to accept that not everyone is for me and I’m not for everyone and just focus on the people who make me feel good to be around. Thanks again for the replies so far.

    #1031532 Reply
    avatarRaspberry21
    Guest

    Honestly I’m feeling like an even worse person now. I didn’t mean to be nasty I was just really upset.

    #1031533 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    A few years ago I was describing the extreme anger/irritability I was experiencing with my psychiatrist. She told me it was probably coming from anxiety. I didn’t think so, but the next time I felt that way I really paid attention and….she was right. The anger & irritability was rooted in anxiety. Big aha moment for me. I don’t know if this is helpful for you, just my experience. I don’t think you’re a bad person.

    #1031540 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    I think a LOT of people have a really short fuse right now. A LOT. We’re now hitting the year mark with this pandemic, and even the most resilient person has to be low on fuel at this point. It comes out as irritation — and yes, anger — for me too.

    Don’t feel bad. It does hurt to hear “no one likes you,” even if it’s not true. I just think everyone is in coping mode right now, so don’t be hard on yourself if you’re not rainbows and sunshine these days.

    “Let fools be fools.” — that’s advice I got from a friend recently.

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