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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 13 total)
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  • #1098155 Reply
    Mia
    Guest

    My friend has been trying to set me up with her friend, let’s call him Jake. She’s been going on and on for the past two weeks about how great we would be together. Last night she went out with him to a party and ended up making out with him. Am I overreacting if I’m mad at her for this? I never met the guy Jake but it still feels kinda hurtful just because I would never do the same to a friend

    #1098156 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Wow! Get over yourself. You have dibs on someone you refused to meet? Your friend was supposed to just keep hanging out there on the possibility that you might some day change your mind and agree to meet or date him? She suggested Jakke to you, in part, because she thought very highly of him, thought he was a possible match for you. You gave that a hard pass. This should not have been hurtful to you, apart from the sense that perhaps you missed an opportunity, which is entirely on you, not on your friend.

    #1098157 Reply
    Mia
    Guest

    I would like to clarify I never refused to meet him! I was going to meet him later this week for the first time

    #1098160 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Eh, you don’t get to claim someone you never met. Your friend obviously liked this guy, and she might have been talking him up as a way to protect her own feelings for him.

    #1098163 Reply
    ktfran
    Participant

    It’s ok to feel a little bummed and maybe even a little betrayed, especially since your friend was trying to set you up with him. Shake it off and don’t let it ruin your friendship. Shit like this happens all the time. I could give you a dozen examples of similar situations where I was the friend or you. It was never done maliciously and it never ruined a friendship.

    #1098167 Reply
    Hazel
    Participant

    Aye, I’d forgive your friend. You hadn’t met him, she obviously thinks he’s the bees knees, and the inevitable happened. Not worth losing a friendship. Pity she built your hopes up for something nice, did she have a reason to be thinking he was for you rather than her? As in, does she already have a love interest? Maybe they were just having fun.In which case at least she can tell you if he is a really nice kisser.

    #1098169 Reply
    Marie
    Guest

    This is just a missed opportunity. Should have met him right away I guess. Snooze you lose. If you’d actually met and dated him, then you would have a right to feel betrayed. Get over it.

    #1098170 Reply
    ktfran
    Participant

    I’m surprised at the callousness of some of the comments. I’m sure most of us has been where the LW is and has had similar feelings. Yes, we all get over it. Compassion is far kinder for someone who seems to still be figuring things out.

    #1098172 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    I’m assuming you’re young. This reminds me of some of the friend group drama I remember from my teens. I will always remember fondly a friend who cried in the bathroom at a middle school dance when her crush asked a friend to dance and the friend said yes. LOL.

    Anyway, my two cents: Feelings aren’t always rational or logical, so if you feel disappointed or hurt that’s okay! Whatever you feel is valid — we can’t control how we feel. But what you can control is how you react. I wouldn’t end a friendship over this. If you decide to bring it up with your friend, you can calmly tell her how you feel.

    #1098179 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    I mean, I’d be a bit bummed just because it sounds like she did like him and would have been talking him up. However ultimately you may have missed your window and it’s a shame but there will be plenty of other opportunities to meet guys. Maybe just tell your friend to ease up on the match making until she’s in a committed relationship lol.

    #1098208 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    KTfran —
    The story changed drastically from post one to post two. In post one her friend was trying unsuccessfully to get her to agree to meet this guy. In post two she has made arrangements to meet him. Rather different and the cause of the responses she received.

    #1098271 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Eh, the posts aren’t that different. She never said or even implied she didn’t want to meet the guy. The detail that they were scheduled to meet soon would’ve helped, yes, but I’m not sure why the first post was interpreted as LW taking a hard pass on the guy or why some commenters are acting like two weeks is an egregious amount of time to go from first hearing about a friend of a friend to actually meeting that person.

    I’d tell someone my own age to get over it. This LW seems very young (or if she’s not, very inexperienced), so I agree with @ktfran that those comments are not helpful here.

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