Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friend

This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar JadeSG 2 months ago.

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  • #739116 Reply
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    Mary

    I have a friend I recently fought with. We were both starting to ignore each other and weren’t treating each other the way friends should so I texted her about it to figure out what was going on. The text conversations were short and I suggested we meet up in person to tell each other the whole story on both sides over lunch. She agreed to meet but didn’t show up. A couple hours later after we were supposed to meet she ended the friendship. I told her off and said I didn’t like how she had stood me up. She didn’t apologize or explain herself and suggested we meet again. I told her no, and she now posts awful things about me on social media without knowing the whole story because she didn’t come to talk. Do I confront her about this or just let things be?

    #739127 Reply
    PanicPenguin
    PanicPenguin
    Member

    Well, I think it depends on what you hope to gain from meeting. It doesn’t sound like this was a particularly close/good friend. Are you still hoping to reconcile? Would you be able to genuinely forgive her current behavior? Is someone who slanders you to the world via Facebook someone you want to have as a friend (I sure wouldn’t).

    You didn’t really say that you wanted to talk or reconcile, though. You asked if you should “confront” her. Personally, I don’t think so. At least I doubt it’s necessary to have some big public falling out. If you are truly bothered enough by her sniping at you/your character to contact her I would recommend an email. It lets you gather your thoughts and there isn’t the temptation to blow up publicly.

    Tell her how you feel: why you backed away from the friendship, why you wanted to meet up and try to reconcile, how you felt when she blew you off/ended the friendship/took to social media to talk about you.

    Phrase things around how you feel instead of what she did or didn’t do. “YOU did x, y, z. Bad friend, bad!!” vs. “I was feeling hurt and angry when you didn’t show up to our lunch. It really makes me feel x, y, z when you post these things about me online because I thought that we were friends.” Avoid incendiary language and pointing fingers, address how you feel. She can’t tell you that you don’t actually feel something.

    You mentioned that you were both treating each other poorly at one point. Address that as well. I think we can all agree that social media smear campaigns should just stop, so I’m not defending her actions or blaming you for them. I’m just recommending you look at how things built up to this point and try to own your own actions. Were you sorry for ignoring her or treating her poorly? If you were/are say so.

    I think this relationship has run its course. While I would be tempted to defend myself, I wouldn’t seek out a confrontation. My friends should know my character well enough not to believe false accusations and mud slinging. Plus, people can always just ask what is going on between you two. You sound much more level headed and believable if you stay off social media about it and DON’T throw a tantrum…sorry, I mean have a “confrontation.”

    #739142 Reply
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    FannyBrice

    Honestly I’d just let it/her go. It sounds like the friendship has run its course and he two of you are just addicted to the drama involved in a long, drawn out friend break up. You’re toxic to each other. Block her on all social media, if people tell you what she posts tell them to stop, delete her from your contacts, and grow up.

    #739175 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Sometimes if you’ve been close with a person – the only emotions you have left are anger and sadness. If you make them angry or sad, it proves they must still care. I think this is where you are now. I know it’s tough but you have to let this person go, especially if either has said things that can’t be unsaid.

    Walk away. Don’t gossip. Make new friends. Treat them well.

    #739190 Reply
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    JadeSG

    Something like this happened to me. My “friend” slandered me on social media, posted dumb shit, claimed I was back stabber and all kinds of stuff that others filled her head with. We had about 100+ friends in common and everyone knew the person she was talking about was me.
    Want to know what I did other then blocking her?? Nothing.
    Whatever she said about me does not define me, it only defines her. Sure I was sad and mad but I never posted anything about her or the situation, I wasn’t going to waste my time or energy on stupid shit. I wished her well and forgave myself if I wasn’t a good friend to her.

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