Friends w/ Children Don't Get Babysitters

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    November 15, 2018 at 9:30 am #808183

    My husband and I are one of six couples in our group of friends and the only ones without children. We like playing “uncle and aunt” to their children but we make it a point to try to organize adult only get togethers when possible. These don’t happen very often and we certainly understand that sometimes it can be difficult but we would like to be able to socialize without the kids around sometimes. Our friends have also expressed their desires to have more adult only get togethers, they just need time to plan for a babysitter, etc.

    Over the last two years, my husband and I have organized each other’s birthday parties with adults only in mind. We’ve given our group of friends sometimes 8 weeks notice of these parties with notice to find a babysitter for the night. Unfortunately, our small townhouse has not just hosted our friends but also their children at our birthday parties. It’s like the adults only on the invitation was just a suggestion and not a request. We find when we do host our friends and their kids, they do not keep an eye on them and my husband and I are going back and forth making sure their kids aren’t getting into things since our home is not kid friendly. The older kids complain about being bored since we have nothing for them to do and the smaller ones are always trying to get into things. We generally feel we do not get to enjoy our own parties in our home.

    We are planning my birthday party for next month and have stated again that we would like to have an adults only get together in our home. Four of the six couples have spoken up to say they will have no choice but to bring their children. One of the couples have stated to us that we need to be more understanding of their situations and they have to bring their children everywhere.

    I am extremely frustrated by this and feel like just calling off the party altogether. Should my husband and I just give up that our friends with kids are always going to have multiple plus ones when invited to events? Is it too much to ask for these adult only parties?

    November 15, 2018 at 9:51 am #808188

    Short of telling them outright that you don’t want them to bring their kids, I’m not sure what you can do.

    One possibility might be to change up the birthday celebration. Get it out of your home. Go to a play. Go to a wine-tasting event. Host a meal at a nice restaurant. I suppose there’s a possibility that some really tone-deaf people would still bring Junior to the wine-tasting or the play, but I think most people would be more inclined to get a sitter when it’s a venue like that.

    November 15, 2018 at 9:51 am #808189

    No its not to much to ask for. Go out with the couples who will not be bringing their children along. All you have to say is “Hey guys, blah blah celebration on xyz night, adults only if you would like you come, no exceptions.” You can also see if the couples with children wouldnt mind hosting at their homes so everyone can be there.

    November 15, 2018 at 10:02 am #808192

    Ya you are right, they are wrong. No choice but to bring their children? Ya you have a choice but are actually choosing what you want over what your hosts are asking. They suck.

    Northern Star
    November 15, 2018 at 10:48 am #808207

    “I’m sorry you won’t be able to make it, but we have to insist on adults-only for this get-together. We’ll see you some other time.”

    If only one or two couples can make it, change the event into a lavish dinner party. If the other couples who won’t find sitters can’t attend, oh well. You won’t miss their kids, and probably therefore won’t miss them…

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    November 15, 2018 at 10:55 am #808212

    Eh I agree it sucks but when 4/6 aren’t willing to pony up for a babysitter it’s probably time to start adjusting your expectations.

    November 15, 2018 at 10:59 am #808214

    Did you come here to vent and complain or for advice?

    You could use your words and ask them to leave their kids at home. BUT as one has already responded, and four others have said, they can’t do it without the kids.

    There could be a million different reasons why. The reasons don’t really matter, but your friends have told you they can’t come to your party without their kids. If you value their friendship, it might be worth it to make some accommodations rather than offend all of them.

    You could look for a kid friendly restaurant, park, museum, or maybe you could even come up with a more creative idea. What if you made some space for the kids in your home, and asked them to chip in for a sitter and kept the kids separate for the party?

    I have two kids and I really appreciate it when friends make it really easy for me/us to spend time with them.

    Miss MJ
    November 15, 2018 at 11:07 am #808217

    I get it, you need to read the room, here. Actions speak louder than words. These friends clearly don’t share your desire for frequent kid-free events, regardless of what they’ve said about wanting kid-free time. So, you need to either (1) branch out and seek out friends without kids or with older kids who don’t need sitters or (2) just accept that kid-free house parties aren’t going to be a regular occurrence with this group of friends and stop trying to make it happen.

    November 15, 2018 at 11:11 am #808220

    Now, I personally would take the tack of throwing money at the situation. You invite them as normal, they all come in with their children & you’ve hired a vetted & with good references babysitter or two( if it’s more than two children get at least two sitters) to keep the children amused for 3 or 4 hours. Problem solved, you & they can enjoy yourselves. But I would only do future events at your house occasionally and the rest outside the house. Also after this occasion, if they liked arrangements you could ask them to chip in to cost- before they come. Or budget it into the cost of a party.

    Sometimes throwing cash at a problem, if you can afford it, is the cheapest and least painful solution. I’m offering this only if you actually want to see them all.

    November 15, 2018 at 11:13 am #808222

    Asking people to take part of their precious weekend, buy a gift, and/or a bottle of wine, uber and spring for a sitter is a lot of money for most couples.

    If you really want to see the friends without the kids, just ask the women out for drinks at a drinking establishment at night on a Thursday or Friday. Your husband could suggest all the dads get together at the child friendliest house/food place and eat pizza and watch football while the kids tear the place apart.

    November 15, 2018 at 11:16 am #808224

    Why can’t they join together and get a sitter and a friend for all the kids? If they can’t afford a sitter that’s one thing, but if they can afford it – there’s no reason they can’t. This is simply that they won’t.

    I bet if you had kids a few years from now, and their kids were all older, they’d be like “Why ya gotta bring that baby?!”

    November 15, 2018 at 11:29 am #808227

    Agree with others who suggested inviting your friends out instead of to your house. Say “Hey Guys, it’s my birthday! Join me at X bar for cocktails and appies! See you at 9PM!” and whoever wants to come, will come.

    If your supposedly close friends can’t come out for 2 hours to have a drink with you on your birthday at a nice bar/lounge, they’re assholes.

    Of course it’s nice to accommodate people with kids, but in this case it’s not like you’re asking them to get a babysitter every Friday. You’re asking them to come out and celebrate your birthday with you at a nice bar/lounge once in an entire year.

    My best friend has 3 kids and most of her friends have a million kids as well. When it’s her birthday, all her friends show up at whatever restaurant she’s chosen that year and leave their kids at home.

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Friends w/ Children Don't Get Babysitters

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