Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy



Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #872971 Reply

    Im a single mommy of 2 and need advise. So Ive been seeing this guy for approximately 4 months – after a heart break I met this guy through mutual friends and we started a strictly Friends With Benefits relationship… it worked we dont stay in the same town so every second weekend or so well get together and spend time at his place, watching netflix, never going out in public together except to our mutual friends house. So we had words now and again not speaking for a week or 2 and then make peace…Over December I went away with my best friend and hanged with her friends and parties etc…So he texts me after christmas telling me he wants to start a relationship with me cause the one thing he wants with him is far from him…now I was wondering maybe his just jealous…I get to his place a day later for us to not talk about anything and a day after that he bails…we dont really talk for 3 weeks and then over this passing weekend I ended up with him again… this time though he took my out with him in public every night and kissed me infront of everybody and said I was his girl, when I confronted him about it he said that he doesnt know what the future holds for us and from there on he has been weird again…He was hurt badly by his ex and he has told me he is afraid…but truthfully I want to settle and dont want to waist my time anymore – I love him soooo much but I need to know must I move on…What do I do…do I ignore him and see what happens – Im tired of being a booty call – even though things has progressed slightly I cant wait forever?

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by avatarZonikaJor.
    #873036 Reply
    avatarPart-time Lurker

    Honestly, if you’re already doing the on again off again thing and you’re only four months in it’s not a healthy stable relationship and never will be. It’s not even FWB – there’s no actual friendship. It’s just a regular I’m bored, let me get my rocks off booty call. Is that what you want? Because it will never be anything else.

    #873040 Reply

    I fell in love with my ex-fwb. He spent the next ten years exploiting that love by gaslighting me with the idea of one day being together when the time is right. One day it would be like “No one gets me like you. We should have babies. Even my grandmother wants me to marry you.” The next day, it would be “Allornone, meet Tanya. We’re dating.” It finally ended for good when one Thursday he told me he was thinking about ending his relationship and that we should maybe finally get together. The next Tuesday he told me he was getting married. On that Saturday. And oh, could I be his best man? So yeah, that guy might have actually been the devil, and yours might be better than that, but I would still tread REALLY lightly.

    For what’s worth, about three months after I reclaimed my self-respect that day, I started dating my current significant other, who I’ve been with over five years and am madl in love with (and he loves me back).

    #873041 Reply

    If you don’t want to waste time, don’t fuck around with a guy like this who is so hot and cold. He says words (what?) and then ignores you for weeks. I have to ask, when he ignores you, are you trying to get ahold of him?

    Taking you out in public is not evidence of anything.

    #873048 Reply

    A guy who wants to be your boyfriend will want to be your boyfriend every day, not just once every so often. A guy who wants to be your boyfriend will act like a guy who wants to be your boyfriend.

    The guy who says he is too afraid to date because of a bad past experience is using that as an excuse to not be your boyfriend. If he is so afraid that he can’t date he shouldn’t be dating. Don’t hang in there waiting for him to get over his past relationship so that he can commit to you. If he wanted to commit to you he would. He’s just coming up with an excuse to string you along. He wants you for sex and nothing else.

    You could spend years of your life waiting for him to want you as a life partner. The odds are low that it will ever happen.

    Know what you want going into a relationship. If it is a committed dating relationship then skip FWB situations. If what you want is casual sex then go for it.

    #873050 Reply

    You shouldn’t do FWB at all if you want more than that.

    #873052 Reply

    You’ve been with this man for 4 months, but only seeing each other every second weekend and then you go weeks between not talking. I don’t want to go through your whole post counting the days but i don’t think you two have been in person for more than few weekends.

    1. You are not madly in love with this man. You’ve barely just met him.
    2. If what you’re looking for is a relationship and to fall in love then don’t start a FWB situation.

    This relationship is too much drama, so i’d suggest cutting your losses and figuring out what it is you’re actually looking for.

    #873057 Reply

    Seriously, seriously get some self-worth, since you have two little kids to look after. You have to model self-respect for your kids. You barely know this person; that’s not what love is. Move on, not to another guy but to a therapist. Or at least read a book about how to get some self-worth. Try to be smarter; you owe your kids that.

    #873513 Reply

    This is actually very simple.

    Tell him what you want. If he can’t give it to you, move on. No “maybe some day”, no “but I’m scared of getting hurt”, no excuses. Either he wants to be with you and you want to be with him, or not.

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