Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friends with the Opposite Gender

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  • #891347 Reply

    I think engaging him on this issue at this point is a losing battle for you. You need to look at the bigger picture and his pattern of behavior. This isn’t because he is “friends with a woman”, this is because he has been continually dismissive of your feelings through the entire relationship. Arguing with him at this point isn’t going to be effective.

    There’s nothing left to litigate, or argue, or discuss. He’s drawn his line, and it’s your turn to draw yours.

    #891351 Reply

    He already told you to leave if you don’t like it. Which means that dating this woman is more important to him than your marriage. That’s what you need to know. He’s happy to have you stick around and be a doormat of a wife, on HIS terms. That’s it. He’s not going to change any of this behavior that’s hurting you.

    You can have a marriage on his terms that makes you miserable and sick, or you can leave and build a life. Maybe find love, have kids. Those are your options.

    #891355 Reply

    This is your concise answer: I won’t accept this manipulation anymore. I am done. I want a divorce and have a better life.
    Then act accordingly. Your examples are such obvious manipulations, I can’t understand how you cannot see it. Why the hell are you still there? Do you really fancy being like this, a spectator in your husband’s interest for an other woman? You do want to micromanage his appeal for her? He doesn’t have just one friend. He is a bigamist with two wives.

    #891358 Reply

    He truly doesn’t love you AND is a narcissistic asshole.

    Have you actually gone out with them?

    With knowing he isn’t going to change you should leave before he leaves you- or gives you an STD. There’s nothing you can say. His manipulative grip on you is so strong. You’re brainwashed.

    #891359 Reply

    Consult a divorce lawyer and get out of there when he’s on one of his Friday full day dates. Just grab your stuff and go. Start planning now and you could be out.

    #891360 Reply

    You don’t love him, either. He cheats and lies and gaslights you. You’re so unhappy. This is not the man to continue trying with.

    #891368 Reply

    Tina there’s no perfect argument or appeal to emotions that’s going to change this man’s behaviour and make him a good partner or a loving husband, he doesn’t want to be one.

    #891403 Reply

    “she’s my friend. And if you don’t like it, leave.”
    Yikes…if my husband says this to me, I’m out of there. I have no advice since everyone else has given them multiple times and you haven’t taken any.

    #891405 Reply

    If she is his only friend, how are they only seeing each other in a group setting? Who are these other people with the time to meet up with them multiple times a week? How are they going to see each other in a group all day, every Friday when most other people are working? I think we all know this isn’t true.

    You say you’re invited to come along every time. Earlier he was explicitly clear that you were not welcome. What changed? If you’re invited along, you should be going every single time. Does he actually verbally invite you every single time, or he made a general statement at some point? Do you actually think you’d be welcome? Are you telling us that you would face no negative repercussions whatsoever if you started simply coming along every time they hang out?

    I think the answers are “they regularly hang out alone” and “he’d flip his shit if you started tagging along”. So, why are you claiming these thing have changed when they haven’t? Because he’s not spending the night at her house anymore?

    #891406 Reply

    A concise response is “This isn’t friendship”. Or just concede the point. “You’re right, I can’t handle your relationship with this woman. It’s destroyed our marriage”.

    Whatever you say will be met with derision, gaslighting, projection, anger, blame, denial, and dismissal. So why bother?

    #891414 Reply

    Oh who cares. You clearly will NEVER move on letter writer. So suck it up.

    #891438 Reply

    So to answer some questions, the people he hangs out with in a group is her apartment Friends. They have a very dorm lifestyle where everyone keeps the door open and they are always going out of each other‘s apartment. So he goes over there and they all have a bonfire or hang out in the apartment. Her boyfriend is there too. I have dropped by a few occasions. but a lot of times he does make plans with her when I have plans with a friend. I think it’s his way of thinking that he is not Taking time away from our relationship because I already have plans.
    Her and her boyfriend and two friends are coming to our house this weekend. However I found in a text message that he is going to get drinks with her the day before to “celebrate his birthday” because she owes him a drink. Her and her boyfriend and two friends are coming to our house this weekend. However I found in a text message that he is going to get drinks with her the day before to “celebrate his birthday“ because she owes him a drink. He has not told me this yet and I’m suspecting he’s going to wait until the last minute. I just think it’s excessive. Who needs to see somebody the day before they come to our house and spend the whole evening with them.
    I know he’s going to tell me it’s because they need to talk about work and don’t want to do that with everyone at the house. Am I in the wrong for telling him that this is excessive to need to see someone two days in a row?

Viewing 12 posts - 37 through 48 (of 74 total)
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