Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friendship with coworker, not a good idea?

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  • #834381 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I think you should take two steps back and focus on the job, and not these girls. The thing is, you are part of the immaturity and bad behavior because you are participating in it. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone. You don’t have to be a person trying to make everyone live in harmony. You don’t have to explain yourself to people you just met. You don’t have to care what this other girls thinks, or whether she’s upset. Those are her feelings to manage, not yours.

    #834382 Reply
    avatarJD
    Member

    Girl you make me want to smash my face into my keyboard. Start job hunting now. This won’t last long. You are just too immature.

    #834926 Reply
    avatarCET
    Guest

    I have never worked with people like this…it’s like you are all 14 year olds. Hm. Ignore the drama. Don’t gossip or talk about others. Be professional. Take the big picture…you might be working with all these people for the next 10 years. No one needs to wait for someone. You don’t need to listen to gossip or feel like you are being slighted. You don’t have to give in to the insecurities of your coworkers. You don’t have to get drinks together or hang out or have a social life with these people. Just do your job and be professional and friendly. I’m guessing that if you don’t take sides and complain to certain people about other people and just treat everyone the same that eventually (give it a year or two) you will just feel equal to everyone and like you are all coworkers. Right now you feel like you are divided into teams. That’s silly. Anyway, try to not feel slighted or worry about “clicks” at work and just do your job being friendly to everyone. That’s my advice.

    #835057 Reply
    bittergaymarkBittergaymarkright
    Guest

    Again, bitching is not inevitable. Unless you’re a bitch. …Oh, right. Got it. Nevermind. 😉

    #836078 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    “But if I write to D for instance, I have to report to my friend cause otherwise she says I am doing it behind her back.”

    It’s time to leave 8th grade. Seriously. This is a workplace, not the cafeteria at middle school. I promise you, it’s going to hurt you professionally. It probably already has. People who bring teenage drama into the office get put on the layoff list.

    You are WAY too involved in these people’s thoughts and lives. Read what @Lucidity said. That’s how adults behave at work. If you want to have outside-of-work friendships with coworkers, that’s fine, but keep the drama out of the workplace.

    #879377 Reply
    avatarAnonymousXX
    Guest

    You are looking for a way to extract yourself from the current situation. That could be difficult. All I can say is to focus on the work almost exclusively and on being professional. An occasional friendly lunch with a co-worker at work is fine, but keep everything including lunch talk, email and texting completely professional. Do not discuss your home life or many personal details about yourself. Some talk about current events and what is going on in the community or broader events at work should be fine.

    Working proactively through work problems is also fine. As an exanple work together to figure out out how to improve a process that is not working. Common issues related to personnel can be discussed when they are egregious and it is something you need to take to HR. In most cases focus on documenting the problem and facts. I almost hesitate to include this last as an item of discussion. You must be very careful that it does not cross over into just plain gossip.

    Lastly, I rarely have friendships with co-workers outside of the workplace. There are exceptions. I never went to work to make friends but I was friendly. I have a life outside of work. The goals for work were to find a good, professional working environment and to support living. Good luck!

    #879466 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    You are in this situation because you gossiped. Full stop.

    It’s not because “the other team ignored us,” or because D is controlling, or your other friend is possessive, or whatever. It’s YOU. You have agency. You are the creator of your own experience. You are acting like a big baby and have from the very beginning.

    Nobody was ignoring you. YOU are the one that immediately isolated yourself into a clique and walled yourself off from productive relationships with all of your colleagues. It takes time to get to know co-workers, and you didn’t even try. You’re in training still, and you formed a clique because all three of you are insecure.

    I’m not saying all of this to make you feel bad, but because your current approach — wanting other people to change — will never, ever work. When you accept responsibility for your own choices, you have a shot at making better choices. When you blame everything on others, you have no shot. Zero.

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