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Dear Wendy

“FWB Continously Cancels On Me”

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Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 26 total)
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  • #864342 Reply
    bittergaymarkBittergaymark
    Guest

    Prognostic-gator: more like “Fuck When Bored…”

    #864365 Reply
    avatarsaneinca
    Guest

    Breakup already and find a guy to date for real.
    If he blew you off when you complained before, what makes you think your next discussion will have a different result ?

    But if you want some revenge, make plans to meet one last time and cancel them at last minute.

    #864397 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    Somehow I doubt the dude would even care. A bloke who cancels that often with no regard to losing out on a sex opportunity is either not at all hard up for ladies or doesn’t think much of it with OP. IF OP pulls that move odds are she’s going to be even more hurt when the dude doesn’t give a crap.

    #864661 Reply
    avatarAlice
    Guest

    I suggested the fwb after we broke up, because the only reason we broke up is I eventually want kids and he does not. When we dated this kind of stuff NEVER happened he always showed up to dates on time(most of the time early), planned cute dates, we always had a great time. We dated a whole month before having sex for the first time so we didn’t even start out “just having sex.” But about 3 months later the kids Convo came up and he said he’s never wanted kids and doesn’t have any desire to. At which point I told him that’s not something I am negotiable on I have always wanted kids, but I don’t expect to try to convince him to have kids either so I broke up with him. We cut everything off cold turkey for about 3 weeks then I suggested fwb because I don’t like sleeping around prior to this relationship I hadn’t had sex for 4 years. So I decided to keep him on the bench and he was down for it too. We did fwb for about 2 months then communication stopped from both ends I stopped messaging him and he stopped messaging me and for about month nothing went down. Then around Nov 1st he messaged me saying we need to get together and he really missed seeing me. I told him I wouldn’t mind iv always enjoyed meeting up with him. But since nov 1st it never happened 8 cancelled plans in. So that’s why I’m so confused if was truly done being fwb why did he reach back out when nothing happened for a month? Is he just trying to get me to break it off officially?

    #864665 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    When you dumped him, he wasn’t sure he could find a new partner, so was up for fwb with you. He has since found one or more women he prefers to you: either they share his view on kids and he sees a future with them, or he finds he as happy with them as sex partners as he was with you and wants to avoid the complications that fwb with a gf who dumped him involve. Being dumped may have hurt his ego. Your being so eager for fwb salved the bruises. He got what he needed out of the fwb arrangement and has now moved on. You are still on his deep-reserve bench, if you choose to stay there, and he may well contact you again next time he hits a sex dry spell. While he knows his not wanting kids makes relationship with you impossible, you’ve convinced him that you just can’t resist him as a sex partner. This doesn’t make him a player. He was content in relationship with you, simply unwilling to be a parent. You dumped him. Now MOA emotionally.

    #864666 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    “When we dated this kind of stuff NEVER happened he always showed up to dates on time(most of the time early), planned cute dates, we always had a great time.”

    But you were his girlfriend then. Those were dates. He was trying to build a relationship with you. Now you’re just a fuck-buddy option, maybe one of several.

    I assume the plans with you are being cancelled because he’s finding things he’d rather do than have sex with you. I mean, that’s what it boils down to, right? Otherwise, he’d be keeping the plans with you.

    If it’s bothering you, just put an end to it. It gets annoying when people cancel plans, no matter what the plans are. Just like you would with any friend who flakes out all the time, stop making plans with the guy. If you’d rather have a definitive end, just tell him that the FWB thing isn’t working for you, and say goodbye.

    #864675 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    It doesn’t matter why he does it. He just does, and it makes you feel like shit, so do yourself the favor of moving on.

    He probably got in contact because he likes to keep you on retainer in case he wants sex sometime in the future. That’s why some people “paper clip.”

    Why would you stop dating because you have different life goals, but keep sleeping with him? Are you dating other men right now? It seems like you’re taking his cancellations as very personal when it doesn’t have to be. It supposed to be casual sex. It’s not working for you anymore, so just end it.

    #864742 Reply
    avatardinoceros
    Participant

    I agree it doesn’t matter why he does it. But I don’t think it’s that complex. You guys aren’t in a relationship and don’t have a future. He’s treating this that way, but you’re not. I do think even FWB should not be total flakes, but he clearly doesn’t feel that way.

    I think you have two options. Either accept that he’s flaky and make “plans” with him that are spur-of-the-moment and don’t hold up your entire life for him. (After that many times of him flaking out, it’s sort of on you that you are putting everything on hold for him.)

    Or decide you don’t like this arrangement and end it.

    I also think that sometime people start acting this way (perhaps subconsciously even) if they can sense that you are treating them/seeing them like a relationship, as a way to lower your expectations and make it clear that this isn’t a relationship.

    #864761 Reply
    avatarAlice
    Guest

    @dinoceros I would assume that too except he is the one that treats it like a relationship, not me. He always wants to spend the night after, text all day and night he even asked me to go on vacation with him over spring break. That’s why I’m like wtf are we doing here dude? Are we fwb, engaged or ex cell mates. His behavior just doesn’t line up with anything haah.

    #864817 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    He’s not treating anything like a relationship if he’s canceled 8 times on you in a month. Most likely explanation, like people said, he’s got some other options in his rotation. Why did he reach out on November 1? Who knows, probably because on that particular day, he was light on other options. Maybe he started seeing someone right around that time. But his actions clearly show he has more compelling things to do than hang out with you. It’s also plain rude to make plans with someone and then cancel. Most people would do that to a friend or potential date ONCE, then make sure they don’t do it again next time. This guy does not care. You really should stop making plans with him and get back on the apps to find guys to *date* since you are looking for a relationship. Stop putting up with and wasting energy trying to decode this guy’s behavior.

    #864818 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    “ His behavior just doesn’t line up with anything haah.”

    Correct. Because you two are nothing now.

    #864825 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    His behavior lines up with someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. I mean, you’re still wasting your time on him- writing into an advice site trying to decode his behavior when it’s crystal clear that it’s over.

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