Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 114 total)
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  • #887487
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    Why don’t you have friends? That will be a red flag for anyone you may be romantically interested in. This may be part of the reason you’re clinging to an unhealthy relationship.

    A cluster B personality disorder is one of the most severe mental illnesses one can have. Have you done any research on this? Read any of the books? BPD is characterized by severe mood swings, explosive anger, emotional manipulation wherein they pull in and then reject those around them, and a lack of compassion and empathy that is generally permanent. The diagnosis is lifelong.

    You’re 28 years old and from the sounds of it you aren’t making good decisions and have enough issues of your own to deal with. You admit you aren’t giving us the whole story and I suspect the remaining parts don’t paint you in the best light. For example, what the actual fuck does being a feminist have to do with having a driver’s license? Feminism is the belief that men and women are equal. Your girlfriend has a phobia of driving. How does this make her less feminist? Are you saying that any time a woman asks for help from a man she is forfeiting the right to call herself a feminist? And as a (presumably) white male you get to be the arbiter of who is and isn’t a feminist? This comment alone shows a serious lack of understanding and a giant dose of privilege. It’s icky and hints at a controlling and dismissive nature, and if one of my friend’s boyfriends said it I’d tell her she was dating a fucking asshole and to dump him. Research some of the many available resources to understand privilege and become an ally to women. Get yourself into therapy stat. And leave this woman alone, neither of you should be in a relationship and certainly not with each other.

    #887489
    avatarDMChilds
    Guest

    Sonny,

    Thank you for the comment!
    Sadly, yes that does sound exactly like her. She has gotten furious at me for one thing and then the opposite thing the next day. I e given her what she’s asked for, and then been at fault when she changes her mind.
    IN HER DEFENSE!! She IS aware she does this. She is actively in counseling/therapy, and is quick to acknowledge where she went wrong once comes down. I feel for you tho! As it’s impossible to reason with her in the first few minutes or hours of her newest emotion. This is where the breakups come from… it’s like it’s not even her consciously thinking anymore.
    I would never put up with it.. except that there is an actual condition and she is trying to work on herself. I really do care abt this girl. While she has hurt me a lot I don’t want to abandon someone who’s trying.

    Thanks!
    I found it comforting that someone else has experienced BPD this way.

    #887491
    avatarSonny
    Guest

    Glad I can help. While I have to deal with this person, because she’s family, you have a choice. It doesn’t make you weak or a bad person if you back away. Her behaviour may not improve.

    Like I said, I don’t like to tell anyone to flee based on a mental illness, BPD is an especially bad one. Quite often it’s the people around him/her who end up also needing a pile of therapy.

    #887492
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    I don’t think I would advise anybody to continue dating someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder and is already treating them badly. Nope. I just wouldn’t.

    #887493
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Honestly, you need to look at yourself. You really need to look at yourself. Why is it okay for your girlfriend to gossip (a lot, it seems) to her friends about you? Why is it okay for her to get furious and lash out at you? Why is it okay for her to hide your relationship? Because you’re lonely? Because she’s trying? Come on, man.

    She’s codependent, according to you, but you want to live together after less than nine months of knowing her, and have broken up at least four times in that nine months. Don’t be ridiculous. Codependent sex is very intense, but that shit wears off, and it’s not worth the toxicity.

    Again, you need to look at why you’re attracted to someone who sounds like a disaster. YOU need to get therapy.

    AND — being afraid to drive has absolutely nothing to do with feminism. Nothing.

    #887494
    avatarDMChilds
    Guest

    Hey Anonymouse,
    Thanks for the comment!

    They live in a house that I parked outside of. It wasn’t an apartment situation. I also drive a recognizable White Cadillac.

    I know! I know!
    I’ve never been a dramatic person either.
    But she always comes back with a pouty lipped apology and I melt.

    #887495
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Stop melting. Things will only get worse — not better.

    #887496
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    You come across very questionable here, with all the important info you’ve withheld, having no friends, weird ideas about women, etc.

    #887497
    avatarDMChilds
    Guest

    Hey GolferGal,
    Thanks for the comment.

    I think you misunderstood. My GF DOES drive.. her friend Does not. I don’t know her friend. My GF was upset and venting to me abt her. She made fun those facts.. which I agreed was ironic. Granted I likely overhumored my upset GF.. but it was never my opinion, it was hers.
    Then some of my comments were shared as if I brought it up. (Which would be impossible, since again I don’t know her). I see your point, but I was only humoring my upset GF

    No weird reason for not having any friends. I was adopted and then did foster for awhile as a Kid. Then did 9 years active in the Marines. I traveled a LOT. Now I’m a software engineer and work alone. I don’t even see other people in a normal work day. I also just moved to Ar. But that’s why I don’t know anyone Lol

    Thanks!

    #887499
    avatarDMChilds
    Guest

    BitterGayMark & Sonny,

    Thanks guys,
    But definitely easier said then done!
    She’s the COOLEST, funniest, most fun and intelligent girl you’ll ever meet…. and then all of a sudden isn’t.
    I’ll admit I’m a hopeless romantic and find it hard to walk away.. I like the idea of a comeback and winning together in the end.
    I am 110% aware this makes me look unstable from your angle. My life apart from this is very secure. Romance is just my vice

    #887500
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Again, you need therapy. Have you ever had therapy to deal with your early trauma? BPD has nothing to do with romance or making a comeback. It’s not romantic.

    She (apparently) lied to her friends about you. For kicks. She wants to hide your relationship. YOU are the one who is codependent here, dude. Sheesh, wake up.

    #887502
    avatarDMChilds
    Guest

    Hey FYI,

    It’s not necessarily “okay” with me..
    But she goes out of her away to apologize, and everytime I think it’ll be different.

    You do have some good points here tho.
    I’m not particularly social so losing her is akin to losing 100% of my extracurricular Lol. Which does make me a little lonely.
    I Do try to give Her credit for trying tho!
    She’s in therapy and has been far more self aware the more comfortable she gets with me

    Whyyyyy did you say that abt Codependent sex?
    Not saying youre wrong. We’ve both agreed that the sex between us is unworldly. And I’ve considered that this is a Subconscious reason We keep coming back.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 114 total)
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