Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Girlfriends Friends

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Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 114 total)
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  • #887597
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You believe you know what is best for her.

    You can’t let go after nine months and living an hour away from her.

    I agree that you do sound obsessive. She’s not your pet. She’s not a project that you alone can fix.

    It’s still just incredible to me that you know she talks shit about you to her friends and yet you stick around.

    She’s told her friend you won’t leave her alone and here you are…not leaving her alone. Leave her alone. Walk away. Block her number. Get some therapy.

    #887607
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    At the risk of sounding fatuous, I’m getting real “You” vibes here.

    It’s striking how the information about her mental health and how she can’t really be trusted comes pouring out once your story has been doubted. It’s too smooth – it feels like your game is convincing us that she doesn’t really know what she wants because she’s “cr*zy”.

    It’s disconcerting how much intimate detail you know about her therapy sessions as well – presumably she’s telling you, but this does seem like massive overshare. You’re also using these details against her in a way, to analyse her behaviour and assign psychological reasons that undermine what she means or wants, rather than the simplest explanation that she’s having a hard time giving you the full brush-off through a fog of mental health difficulties.

    Leave her alone. You’re not good for her, and she’s not good for you. She’ll need her friends, so don’t be the reason she’s isolated from them.

    #887609
    avatarSonny
    Guest

    “I still cant help but feel im just one small fix away from getting it all right.”

    That’s what I meant when I said you are addicted to the potential. You think that all you have to do is find the magic key and she will treat you like she did when you first met.

    There is no magic key. She will never be the woman you want her to be.

    #887615
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    Sonny, that comment struck me too. He’s not taking into account that she also gets a say in whether it’s “right.” It’s like he thinks he just has to figure out the magic password, say it, and they’ll be great together.

    LW, she called you obsessive. That wasn’t a compliment. Being obsessively in love with someone isn’t normal or healthy, and the fact that she said that was a 20-foot-high flashing neon sign saying “back off.” That you apparently refuse to see.

    #887617
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I had a couple of boyfriends I broke up with multiple times. One was a textbook creep, and that only lasted maybe 9 months total. The other one lasted years. He wasn’t overtly abusive, but we were terrible together and he definitely had issues he wasn’t getting treated for. I kept trying to get away from him via breakups, but he would always come after me and talk me into trying again. The sex was really good (for a while. It won’t last, trust me, not in a toxic situation like this), and I also had that problem of getting caught up in the potential and thinking we could crack the code. He probably did too. In the end, I finally REALLY had enough and was done for good. No two people who break up multiple times in the first year of dating are ever going to work out, especially when they’re both mentally ill. This needs to end.

    #887618
    avatargolfer.gal
    Guest

    It’s clear her severe mental illness is impacting her decision making. It also makes her more vulnerable to accepting behavior others recognize as unhealthy (showing up unannounced and being undeterred when the cops are called, being a person’s sole source of companionship to the point that person won’t leave even when they should, that person sticks around even when you’ve done about everything you can behavior-wise to show you don’t actually even like them let alone want a relationship with them). You are using these vulnerabilities to stay involved in an unhealthy relationship because you’re lonely and you want sex.

    It seems like you don’t actually care about what’s best for her, and your “lol”ing and casual tone in every post make it seem like you don’t understand or care about the severity of this situation. You’re displacing blame onto her friends instead of acknowledging that her behavior and your own is the problem. You need to leave this woman alone and get yourself into therapy.

    #887620
    bittergaymarkBittergaymark
    Guest

    Yeah. The friends have nothing to do with this — really.

    #887621
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    <b> “You are using these vulnerabilities to stay involved in an unhealthy relationship because you’re lonely and you want sex.

    It seems like you don’t actually care about what’s best for her, and your “lol”ing and casual tone in every post make it seem like you don’t understand or care about the severity of this situation. You’re displacing blame onto her friends instead of acknowledging that her behavior and your own is the problem. You need to leave this woman alone and get yourself into therapy.”

    — golfer.gal </b>

    ^^^^^^^ This. Excellently put.

    #887632
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Yep. Perfectly stated.

    #887633
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Agree. I also wondered if the lol/cas tone was meant to make him appear chill, friendly, and non-threatening. He seems manipulative enough to do that to try to direct the responses in his favor.

    #887634
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Eh, I honestly think he is/was just in denial about how fucked up the gf’s actions truly are. Men and women often seem oblivious to the obvious. Especially LWs.

    #887635
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    No offense, but I wouldn’t really expect you or Sonny to pick up on the creepiness here. Women are on high alert for this crap because we get it a lot and it can actually threaten our lives. Insisting we’re wrong about this is similar to telling people of color that institutional racism isn’t a thing so they aren’t in any danger.

Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 114 total)
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