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Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 85 through 96 (of 114 total)
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  • #887657
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    There is actually a fairly wide range of opinions on this thread.

    But yeah, I’m calling out the BS against women. Why are you defending this guy with out at least acknowledging the red flags?

    #887659
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    I said he has issues. And I said he should end the relationship. He is a codependent mess. But I don’t see how he has been a classic creeper.

    And I say that somebody who has been stalked a a friend’s father in Highschool. Fired for NOT sleeping with my creepy boss. And once had to call the cops on a friend’s crazy baby daddy who was so jealous of me (even though he knew i was gay) that he double parked — blocking me in and threatening to slash my tires and more if I didn’t stop hanging out with her too much.

    She dumps him and the comes running back over and over. Its stupid he takes her back. Very. But creepy? Eh, I don’t see it. The friend stuff is bizarre. But all he really knows about that is through her decidedly unreliable filter.

    #887660
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Not taking no for an answer when she keeps breaking it off? Showing up at her house without telling her, to wait for her on the street? Not considering her mental illness when trying to get her to move in with him? Thinking she should choose him over her old friends? Not having any friends himself? None of that is creepy?

    #887661
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I’m not actually asking you. It’s definitely creepy.

    #887663
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    Honestly, he way he is dealing with US is creepy – he had a couple of us eating out of his hand for a while back there – a very slick switching of gears to convince is that her reality isn’t to be trusted and he’s the one wronged. Outside the internet, I’d be very wary of that tactic because it’s classic abuser’s charm.

    They both sound toxic as hell and shouldn’t have anything to do with one another – but she has a severe diagnosis she’s still getting to grips with (with what sounds like a terrible therapist!), so what’s his excuse? He needs to let her dump him and stop goading her friends.

    #887664
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Nothing her therapist says sounds real at all. It’s just more utter bullshit she is making up.

    #887665
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    Yeah, I don’t understand that part – surely no professional is giving her such terrible advice – is she lying to him, or is he lying to us? If she’s lying to him, is it because she doesn’t want to say what her therapist has really told her, or is it related to BPD? Personally, his recounting of it is way too detailed and narrative, and far too correlative to what benefits HIM – I said before that it’s weird he knows it so deeply – I think that points to him making it up to get us on his side.

    #887667
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Like I said. If she is making it up, it’s to help her distance herself from him. But it’s just as likely, if not more, that he’s making it up. He’s an unreliable narrator who sounds worse every time he posts.

    #887669
    avatardinoceros
    Participant

    I’ve skimmed through all this, and I don’t get it. Your relationship is a train wreck. Even if you are dating someone with mental illness, if they’ve broken up with you four or five times, especially in this short of time, you move on.

    Whenever I see someone who has an answer for everything people say on the forum, it makes me wonder why they are asking for advice. People are giving you their opinion. You don’t like it, so you are trying to tell them why they are wrong. But for what? It seems like you’re hoping there’s a magical way to make your relationship work, but there isn’t. You can’t control other people’s actions, so you really can’t do much to change this.

    You also can’t base your decisions in a relationship on their potential. Sure, with therapy or whatever, she has the potential to have health relationships (in theory, because based on folks’ comments who have more knowledge and experience with BPD, it sounds like maybe not). But people don’t always do the things you think they have the potential to do. If you make a decision based on what you think they could be like one day, that’s nonsensical (and you say you’re logical and practical…). All the evidence points to your relationship not working. I don’t know how you can go off on this business plan, but not say that a 9 month relationship with that many breakups where you don’t even know her friends (who hate you) is going to work.

    I think people like to look at mental illness and think of it as some kind of cloud that hangs over someone, and you think that if the cloud goes away, you’ll get to have the “real them” and they’ll like you more or be good at relationships. This is who she is. She may be able to manage symptoms, but she’s not going to morph into a whole different person. And with her diagnosis and where she’s been at this whole time, it seems unlikely that she’s going to be able to manage this in a way that makes your relationship viable.

    #887670
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    Yeah, I think you’ve been on the money from that start that he’s sinister and manipulative, and there’s something really off about all his posts. My “women’s intuition”, as it were, doesn’t like this.

    OP: if your sense of yourself has allowed you to stick around this far into the post – block her on everything and stay away from her. For her sake.

    #887679
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    “Not taking no for an answer when she keeps breaking it off?”

    Actually she keeps coming back around with an apology after breaking it off, according to the narrative.

    None of us know what is really going on here, just that it is a mess and that someone is lying. I see the LW as more codependent than creepy, but everyone is applying their own experience to fill in a lot of blanks. None of us are 100% right because we’ve never met these people.

    #887681
    avatarMiss MJ
    Participant

    I think we’re dealing with an unreliable narrator “translating” another unreliable narrator and the only thing clear is that this relationship, such as it is, needs to end.

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by avatarMiss MJ.
Viewing 12 posts - 85 through 96 (of 114 total)
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