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Dear Wendy

Girls: Would you date one of your best friends?

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  • #962779 Reply

    Hey girls. Please give my your honest opinion on what you’d like a guy to do. Thank you so much. 🙂

    I’ve known her since Jan of 2016. We were always good friends, but not SUPER close (This is all during High School, we’re currently both 18)

    Jan 2019, I joined her friend group (all girls, but I typically get on better with girls). Her and I grew very close now. But then I got feelings for her and asked her out in Feb. She said no, but my approach was off. I just lacked confidence. Asking her out really didn’t affect our friendship though, we remained close. However, I left her group in April 2019, because there was drama there. As a result, we drifted as of April 2019, and I also moved on from her. But we were still fairly close friends.

    But then in October of 2019, I rejoined her friend group (which was now just her and her best friend – girl). When I joined her and her best friend, one of my close friends (a guy) also joined the group. The four of us just got on so well with each other. No filter between us; nothing. We just have a good understanding of each other.

    Feb-June of this year though, I had this crush on another girl at our school, and my current crush knew about it. I had some hard times with her and I ended up venting to my current crush, so I think she knows a bit too much about my insecurities now. But in venting to her, she told me that things have slowly been falling off between her and the girl in our group (her “main” best friend) and she’s said that I’m practically her best friend now.

    I worked on myself and moved on from the other girl. Then in August, my crush had a bad case of Covid and I made sure to comfort and check up on her via Whatsapp. I was just doing my “friend duty”, especially given that she said it seemed like I was the only one who cared. But in the midst of all of this I got strong feelings for her and I still have them now. Should I just tell her? We finish High School in a month and have plans to meet up afterwards (as friends), so I don’t know now.

    My main concerns is that she knows what a mess a was with the last crush, and throughout High School, I’ve had a crush on 4 other girls, and she knows about all of them.

    Thank you so much 🙂

    #962782 Reply

    You already asked her out and she turned you down. She knows where to find you if her feelings have changed. I say this as someone whose best guy friend repeatedly expressed his feelings, and it did get awkward.

    I mean, you can try again, but it might make things weird.

    I do think if she had feelings for you, it will naturally progress to a relationship. Why not just wait and see how it feels when you do hang out in person?

    #962788 Reply

    Do not tell her! don’t tell her and leave it, let it go, and let her go. Find another friend.. My experience, no one is worth it!

    #962789 Reply

    Half the world is women*. Find someone who hasn’t already turned you down.

    * amazing but true!

    #962796 Reply

    No, if someone is my friend, I don’t want to date them. That’s me, though. The important thing is she turned you down. “Girls” (you need to start calling them women now that you’re 18) don’t turn down a guy they’re into because he didn’t seem confident. If she likes you that way, your approach doesn’t matter. She turned you down because she didn’t want to date you. And you need to respect that and not ask her again. She told you. If she changed her mind, it’s her responsibility to let you know.

    #962797 Reply

    I think there are many relationships that start as friendships and evolove into more.

    That said, that’s not your situation. I know this, because you already asked her out and she said no. She has not said anything to indicate her feelings have changed.

    I just said this on another thread, but when people like you back, they make it clear. She knows you had feelings for her, even if you had another crush, if she felt them eventually too she would’ve let you know, and you’d naturally fall into dating.

    That’s not happened, in fact, she’s affirmed how important your friendship is to her.

    She doesn’t want to be with you romantically.

    If it’s too hard to be her friend while having such strong feelings for her, that’s understandable. But she wants you to be a friend to her, so if that’s too painful, you’re going to need to distance yourself, not make another hail mary attempt at dating after she already told you no.

    #962798 Reply

    In the past, I’ve had a couple friendships turn into relationship. But it happened easily and naturally. Your friend has already turned you down. She’s not interested in you as more than a friend.

    #962802 Reply

    Stop using the word “girls” when you are talking about women. Grown-ass women.

    #962806 Reply

    While it is true that women will sometimes grow feelings for a man over time, the odds aren’t in your favor. You should proceed assuming that she wants to be your friend and nothing more. If her opinion changes, it’s on her to let you know and see where you’re at.

    If you can’t just be friends with her without pining for her, you should just break the whole friendship off. Yes, it will suck but it will be best for everyone in the long run.

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