August 13, 2020 at 11:32 am #951724AngieGuest
Am I being ridiculous? My husband and I were invited to a wedding next month and we are in disagreement as to whether its a good idea to attend. This will be a semi-large wedding (150+ people) at a large hotel ballroom in a major city about an hour from our home. . Many of the people in attendance work in various areas of healthcare and others that are invited don’t seem too interested/concerned about transmission (from their party/vacation pics, etc.). While the bride and groom are friends, I wouldn’t consider them good friends.
I told my husband I didn’t want to go because of the risk of COVID. While we are both relatively healthy and in our 30’s, I can’t bear the thought of potentially exposing myself and in turn, exposing others, including my 4-year old daughter and the employees/children/families at her daycare. It literally makes me sick just thinking about going to this wedding. I’ve decided I’m going to put my foot down (which is rare for me) and refuse to go. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
My husband feels it would be ‘disrespectful’ to the bride and groom if we don’t go because of concerns over COVID. He is nearly dead-set on attending this wedding. It seems like such a change from his normal views on the pandemic – when one of his networking groups wanted to resume in-person meetings, he was very vocal about voicing his concerns about any in-person meetings. I think he has FOMO and is worried about being perceived as ‘wimping out’/not manly.
Do you have any advice as to what I should tell him? He is welcome to throw me under the bus and tell the bride and groom that we’re not coming because of me, but I think I have to stand firm with my decision. Am I crazy? Thanks for letting me vent a bit.August 13, 2020 at 11:45 am #951744FYIGuest
Not manly?! Are you serious!? Tell him to go, if he wants to be that stupid, but that he has to quarantine for two weeks before he comes back into your home. The ones who are being VERY disrespectful are the bride and groom who are recklessly exposing everyone to disease in the middle of a public health crisis.
Does your husband think seatbelts aren’t manly? Speed limits? No smoking indoors? All these things protect you from idiots. It’s the same thing.August 13, 2020 at 11:56 am #951763ktfranParticipant
Oh my god. You are not crazy. He is. If he wants to go so bad, he can quarantine away from you and your four year old son for at least two weeks after.
Can a venue even host 150 people?August 13, 2020 at 11:58 am #951770PDX816Guest
Please don’t go, this bride and groom are being incredibly selfish, they aren’t even trying to limit the number of people. Not to mention if there are 150 people allowed, this is most likely in a state that isn’t taking the pandemic seriously and some of the guests probably fall into this category also. These people are part of the reason why this pandemic is never ending. Be part of the solution, nor the problem. If he goes tell him you’ll have a tent set up in the back yard where he can live for two weeks.August 13, 2020 at 12:18 pm #951803AngieGuest
Wow – you are all great! Thanks for your input.
Apparently the venue is allowing the wedding but they are opening up another room/combining rooms to increase the sq. footage to keep the tables farther apart and will be serving a plated dinner vs. buffet. I’m not impressed.
I thought about telling him he can go on his own but didn’t think about the quarantine after. He can stay in our shed for two weeks – LOL
The kicker about all of this is that the bride is a doctor and much of her wedding party are fellow doctors at a well known and respected hospital.August 13, 2020 at 12:33 pm #951829ele4phantGuest
I mean, I wouldn’t go. I’d send a big old gift and send my regrets, but you know, COVID.
Where even is this wedding? I feel like an indoor gathering with 150 is a no-go across basically every state in the US. Maaaayyybbbeee if you’re not in the US, if you’re in a country with a low infenction rate that explicitly allows these sorts of things (but rates are going up in Europe right now, so…).
I do think you should put your foot down – this isn’t about you and your family getting sick and suffering severe illnesses (although – that’s still a risk!), it’s about you you not getting the virus, being fine, but spreading it around to others.
That said, maybe instead of coming in hot, you should try to more gently get at the “why” with your husband. Why does this wedding seem so important, when he’s been pretty rigid about other aspects of his life? Is he getting fatigued? Is he really missing normalcy and other people? I’d want to figure out the root cause of what was making my spouse want to do something so risky. Is he starting to struggle a little more mentally than he’s been letting on? Does he need some more/different support right now?August 13, 2020 at 12:43 pm #951847CopaParticipant
No, you are not crazy. I wouldn’t go to this event. And though I know the rules are different everywhere, I’m shocked that any venue is allowed to have 150 people indoors. I’ll also be shocked if you two are the only ones to decline.
The bride and groom suck for not altering their plans. There was an indoor wedding in SF that was linked to something like a dozen guests getting sick with COVID. It’s just not worth it.
With the exception of one person — a coworker — literally everyone else I know who was supposed to get married this year either did a small family-only or courthouse ceremony and they’re planning to have a party when it’s safe. The coworker had a smaller-than-planned outdoor wedding last weekend. I wasn’t invited, but I still side-eyed that choice.August 13, 2020 at 12:50 pm #951861ele4phantGuest
I got married years before COVID and I had a small wedding. It was lovely, and my marriage is every bit as valid as couples that had a huge blow-out.
I feel for couples that big plans for big weddings this year, especially those that were planning Spring/early Summer weddings that were nearly all the way there and very quickly had to reverse course, some even losing money. But such is life. Things change.
At this point, I don’t understand couples that are trying to have a big wedding right now. This won’t last forever, truly it won’t. Just wait, or have a small ceremony now and plan for a big reception to be had sometime in the future when it’s clear it’s safe.
After all, what’s this all for in the first place? Celebrating your love and marriage, or having a super fancy party?August 13, 2020 at 2:06 pm #951986FyodorGuest
Having a large indoor wedding during COVID with 150 people is completely reprehensible. So many people cannot enjoy regular aspects of their lives like seeing their older relatives or sending their kids to school because others insist on acting irresponsibly. And I can bet you that the people showing up to this thing are not going to be people acting carefully in other parts of their lives.
Show him this.August 13, 2020 at 2:24 pm #952017August 13, 2020 at 10:20 pm #952681BittergaymarkGuest
It’s disrespectful of them to invite you. It’s disrespectful of them to even have the wedding.
PS — tell your dipshit of a husband that there is nothing less manly than going to a fucking disease ridden event simply because he doesn’t want to look like a “wuss.”
NEWSFLASH: he clearly IS a wuss for even arguing this point.August 14, 2020 at 10:37 am #953956becboo84Participant
I’m with BGM on this one, which basically never happens. We were invited to a wedding just last weekend. Simply sent our regrets and were done with it. This is just another example of how selfish we as Americans are and why things are still out-of-control five months in