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Dear Wendy

Got dumped days before the coronavirus. Help?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Got dumped days before the coronavirus. Help?

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  • #878150 Reply

    First off, I just want to acknowledge that I’m aware many people have it much worse than me during this pandemic. Lots of people are dying; others are more susceptible to catching the virus. I acknowledge that I am a healthy young person and am privileged in many ways that other people are not.I am thankful for that. And while my problems may not be nearly as pressing as others, they’re still problems that I want to fix.

    That being said, I’m hoping to get some advice on how to handle what’s currently going on in my life. I just got out of a brief but very intense relationship; it was the first relationship I’ve ever had, and on top of that, it was with another woman. As a young queer woman who hasn’t yet been accepted by her family, this was the first time in my life I really felt the love of another person, and now it is gone. She’s the only person I really want to be with right now, and not being able to talk to her/see her is killing me. I’ve never felt lonelier. It only happened about a week ago, and it was very out-of-the-blue. I still haven’t been able to fully process it, because the coronavirus is continually packing on additional stress that I don’t know how to manage.

    I’m currently stuck in a quarantine situation and I’m struggling (mental health-wise) about how to get through this breakup while I’m essentially trapped in my own apartment. I can’t do any of the normal post-breakup things – hitting the gym, taking a yoga class, going to the bars, going on dates – because everything is closed. I also can’t have my support system of friends around me, because no one can be gathering in groups right now. I thought I could learn how to cook, but my neighborhood grocery stores barely have any food in them anymore. And on top of it, my university has switched to online classes, and my job has been suspended because of the virus.

    I am heartbroken and can’t seem to find an outlet to start getting over this. Any tips on how to get over a breakup while you’re quarantined?

    #878154 Reply

    Did you write in once before?

    Apologies if I’m wrong and you didn’t.

    You can take a yoga class at home. Check out Yoga with Adrienne or the million other options on YouTube. You can workout at home. There are a ton of resources on YouTube, or a bazillion other apps and websites. You can text, call or FaceTime friends or use an app like Zoom and have a party chat. I’m not sure where you are but you can order groceries to be delivered, most likely.

    The only way to get over heartbreak is time, unfortunately so you’ll have a lot of time to think, reflect, forgive yourself and her and move on.

    Read books. Teach yourself to cook with what you can buy. Look up stuff to do for free online. There’s a million distractions out there. You could write her letters, old school style and just emote your face off and just never send them. Or save them for after the lockdown is lifted and cathartically burn them in a bonfire (safely, of course.) That could be cathartic.

    #878178 Reply

    There’s SO MUCH you can do inside. @anonymousse gave you some great suggestions.

    Netflix. Or any of the streaming services. Hours and hours of distraction. I’m catching up on all the shows and movies I haven’t had time to watch.

    Learn a craft. Loads of crafting sites are selling kits for beginners. You can knit. Crochet. Make jewelry. Paint. The list is endless. I’m working on a blanket and a pair of socks right now.

    And as for support, why do you have to go out and gather in a group to talk to your friends? There’s a bazillion chat apps. You can even do group chats. I talk to my best friends every day. They’re in other states. We video chat, we text, we talk on the phone. Hint: don’t use those chats to talk about how sad you are. Being interested in other people’s lives gets you out of your own head.

    If you’re able to go outside, just going for a walk in the fresh air will do wonders for you.

    #878213 Reply

    Yes! You can exercise at home – there are plenty of fitness services that are streaming right now. Other things that you can do in your apartment:

    1. Clean everything. The kind of cleaning when you use an old toothbrush in the corners. Some cleaning activities are a great workout.
    2. Fix the broken things. Get rid of the broken things that can’t be fixed.
    3. Get rid of stuff you don’t use and organize your closets. Get your clothes organized and organize your drawers. Sometimes I pull the drawers out, bring them into the living room and then organize them while watching TV. Find all the socks that pair – lone socks can be used for activity 1. Believe me when I say that organizing your stuff will make you feel better.
    4. Start an online bookclub. Pick a book. Set up a web chat a few days from now. There are resources online for how to conduct an engaging book club. Everyone gets to make a recommendation.
    5. Start an evening happy hour with your friends online. Get the chat app. Get a beer or two and have at it. Or watch a show together.

    #878214 Reply

    Check out skillshare. It’s an on-line community with a plethora of classes. Learn something new.

    I like all of List’s ideas.

    I had a virtual happy hour with friends yesterday. We all needed it. It was fun.

    #878227 Reply
    #878232 Reply

    You’re allowed to be sad about a breakup even though worse stuff is happening to other people. Cut yourself some slack. Facetime your friends. The grocery store should restock. People will stop panic buying when they realize the grocery stores stay open. You can exercise at home. Breakups suck and this is an incredibly stressful time. I hope you’re feeling happier soon

    #878243 Reply

    I am not going through a break up but I am mourning THREE long anticipated international vacations after not leaving the U.S. in 7 years!! Oh, and I was laid off. Plus, as a 1099 independent contractor I am NOT eligible to collect unemployment.

    So… To stay sane I am doing a billion projects in and outside of my best friends desert house! (I am very fortunate to have a vast semi isolated yard with many rocks to move and cacti to tend to. But there are lots of things you can do to keep super busy

    I make big lists on my phone and X them off when done and it’s been so fun oddly I only REMEMBER this shitshow sparingly as I keep really busy…

    Also bingewatching is no longer something to feel guilty about.

    A yoga class is a great idea.

    And I’ve been ZOOMING cocktail hours with my Burningman Camp nightly to chat and play games via the wifi. It was infinitely more fun than I thought it would be.

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