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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Grand Daughter is stealing money from me.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Grand Daughter is stealing money from me.

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  • #1096445 Reply
    Susan
    Guest

    My Granddaughter has stolen money from me 3 times total of $250.The first time I told her Father. He did not believe it. She is 35 years old and living at home with her two children. One who is non-verbal austistic. He is 12 and was just potty trained this year. She has never been a pleasant child and is worse as an adult. I am old and kind of forgetful about my purse in my own space( which she is not supposed to be in. ( I live in an RV on my Daughters property) The first time she took a hundred-dollar bill from a present for another granddaughter, while I was out. The next time $50.00 out of my purse that I left in the car. And this last time from my purse in my RV while I was in the hospital. I feel so violated. And broke.

    #1096463 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    How can your family better support your granddaughter so she doesn’t resort to stealing to care for her children? This sounds like a very sad situation!

    #1096464 Reply
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    I’ll start with this: Susan how do you know who took it? What evidence do you have to support your claim or are you assuming?

    If you know someone is coming into your RV, why aren’t you making attempts to lock it or find a safe place to store your cash. If you are able to navigate a smartphone and apps then instead of carrying cash, use cashapps like Venmo or Paypal. That way you can transfer money to whomever for whatever reasons.

    you can buy small safes online or in a store. I’d suggest doing that.

    I would suggest not to accuse someone of stealing unless you know without a doubt who it is.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 4 weeks ago by Karebear1813.
    #1096467 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    Your level of compassion is truly astounding, LW. And that’s — really — all I have to say.

    #1096471 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    First and foremost are you only dealing with cash or do you have credit cards and/or checks? Make those are locked away. Do you feel safe, if you were to call out your granddaughter would she turn violent?

    Since your granddaughter can’t be trusted stop trusting her. Unless you are going to move, you have to behave like you’re living with a thief, because you are. Get some locks for your doors, and some locks for within your home. Padlocks are easier to pick but some don’t need keys.

    If possible, do as much banking online. Stop using cash. And if you do that, put a passcode on your phone – not facial recognition, not touch ID (fingerprint). Use something that only you would know – not a birthday. I use a phone number (not mine) from 40 years ago.

    #1096472 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    Eh… I’m still not convinced it’s the grand daughter. At all. Everybody always blames the obvious suspect. And others sieze that opportunity.

    #1096478 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    The only evidence tbe LW presented here against the granddauughter is that the LW simply doesn’t like her. At all.

    🤷‍♂️

    #1096485 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Even if it’s not the granddaughter, she should still protect her stuff. Door locked and if not possible to lock well, then don’t leave tempting things where they can be purloined. Maybe it’s the son in law – who the hell knows?

    I know some people would be tempted to get a ring or home security camera, but those things creep me out. At least putting them indoors.

    #1096486 Reply
    Prognosti-gator
    Participant

    Evidence here is the key. At least two of the times you mention would be times you were not around, so how do you know it was the granddaughter? (eg. if you were in the hospital, how do you know she took something from a purse in your home?)

    Assuming you are being stolen from (you do mention being forgetful about your purse) you need to know that it was specifically her … rather than your daughter, or her husband, etc. before you level allegations.

    Locking your belongings is the best first step. This may be harder if you are relying on others for rides or other home care, as others will have your keys. But, you should take whatever steps you can to ensure your belongings are safe. Is it possible you misplaced the money?

    Not to victim shame … because elder abuse is a very real thing. But, you don’t have a lot to go on here to really pin it on the granddaughter.

    #1096489 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    If this is real, then yes, folks here are correct that you don’t know who’s stealing the money. Confronting anyone would be pointless because they’re not going to admit it.

    I think it would be good for both you and whoever is stealing from you (if anyone!) for you to stop keeping large amounts of cash around. Someone stealing cash may be using it for drugs or alcohol. Maybe get a metal lockbox and lock and valuables like jewelry (that could be pawned or sold) in there. Either don’t keep cash on hand or only carry what you need for the day’s shopping and lock the rest in the lockbox. See if that helps.

    Also maybe ask if anyone is having problems!

    #1096500 Reply
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    LW is just trying to paint the picture that she views her granddaughter as neglectful/irresponsible which is likely why she is assuming she is the perpetrator. And regardless of who may be in need of financial help does not give them the right to steal from them.

    Whomever it was not only burglarized her but robbed her. And thank you @Prognostigator for pointing it out – likely committed Elder Abuse. Depending on the state she is in but Elder Abuse can be a felony charge even though the monies stolen is a misdemeanor.

    Elder Abuse is very common among relatives esp their children and grandchildren and usually goes under the radar out of fear that they will lose their only support system even if its a sh*t support system. Lets not chastise this LW but encourage alternative means to assist in protecting her.

    #1096502 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Karebear–
    I disagree. A lot of posters offered helpful suggestions, but… those posters are correct that LW offers zero evidence that granddaughter has stolen from her. Father of granddaughter firmly denies that his daughter stole the money. He may know for certain, because he is the thief. Elder abuse is a serious charge and there is zero evidence that granddaughter is guilty of this. If she is innocent and LW levels such a charge, it is just more trouble for a poor woman who already has more trouble than she can handle.

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