Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Guy friend confessed his feelings hours after my breakup
- This topic has 98 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by mellanthe.
Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have said that to him about the crush versus being in love.
This is how he justified his behaviour:
“I would rather my feelings for someone I care about be truthful than keeping them in. True it has seeped into my actions and words but I think it’s because you just broke up with someone after having a year and a half long relationship with them.”
That is just so disrespectful to me. I was SO upset that day. We made plans to go to a concert that day and I didn’t cancel them because I assumed they would cheer me up after just going through a break up earlier that day. How does that give him the right to not be able to control his behaviour around me? I needed a friend. I was distraught and heartbroken because i had just gone through a breakup!! And yet he used that as an excuse to justify his behaviour. Sorry, but WTF!?
AND this morning I woke up to something he posted on instagram. It is a picture of him frowning and looking sad and the caption is as follows:
“Im sorry to everyone i have wronged, i am so angry at myself for being myself. Im just one broken guy, and i never wanted to hurt anyone ever, but i know i do because of my selfishness and my anxiety, i am a bad friend – i dont want people writing me sympathy letters, because i deserve to feel this way. let me feel this. Im damaged product and want everyone to know”anonymousseParticipant
Ugh, gross. You should unfollow and block and move on. He definitely is really selfish. He’s a jerk.ele4phantGuest
Honestly, if he was a good friend, he should’ve distanced himself when you had a boyfriend. If you can’t be friends with someone without mooning after them and jumping on the VERY first opportunity to get them, clearly you don’t actually care about them and their thoughts and feelings.
Don’t be friends with this guy. He’s (always) about what he wants, and is throwing a tantrum because he’s not getting what he wantsMiss MJGuest
OMG, passive aggressive social media posts are such a turnoff.anonymousseParticipant
The Instagram post was to make you feel bad. He’s manipulative, selfish and an asshole. He’s not a friend. He was just biding his time to get a chance with you and now he’s acting wounded because you aren’t interested.Ms. VaderGuest
Why are you friends with him? Seriously…what is he bringing into your life right now aside from harassment, manipulation and stress?
He is manipulating you and trying to get others to be on his side (see: instagram post). Walk away. It’ll be hard if you have previously had a good relationship, but honestly, this will be the best thing for you. People who actually love one another do not treat them this way. One of the main tenants of love is putting the person you love above yourself – and he definitely didn’t do that here.
Would he even take no for an answer if you were to even go on a date with him? I suspect not – based on his behavior.ele4phantGuest
I realize it may be hard to lose someone you perceive as a good friend – especially when you’re already feeling down because of a recent break-up – but remember, he was never actually being a good friend to you.
It was always just an act. He’s spent the last year waiting in the wings so he could pounce, and now that he’s been rejected, he’s trying to make himself into the victim. He couldn’t even wait a damn day after your break-up to confess his “love” for you.
Fuck that noise.bagge72Participant
Yeah definitely pulling out the nice guy cards so everyone feels bad for him.MPGuest
Oh god he’s being such a manipulative Nice Guy TM. LW you did the kindest thing possible, you set polite and firm boundaries and were honest! I’m sorry this guy you thought was your best guy friend well, turned out to be not such a great friend. 🙁 P.S. how old are you and your friend?? If y’all are older than high school age I’d be seriously disturbed by his passive aggressive Instagram post (not that being in high school would excuse it, but it’s not super abnormal for teens to do this kind of stuff).BubblegumGirlGuest
We are both 20 years old. Which is crazy to me. I just feel completely betrayed by his actions because throughout our friendship he has made himself out to be this kind-hearted person that only wants the best for me. He would tell me things like, “my dad thinks we are a couple. he even suggested I try to make moves on you even though you are in a relationship. I told him to f off blah blah blah…” I am now realizing he was probably just trying to make himself out to be a great person to improve his chances… he would constantly brag to me about good things he did for his friends. (always girls) He also talked about how every girl he friends with has a mom that wants them to be together and thinks he is just the perfect guy…ele4phantGuest
He did betray you.
He presented himself as someone who was a genuine friend to you, who cared about your well being and best interests.
Really, he was always trying to angle his way in as a boyfriend, and is reacting VERY poorly and entitled when you don’t reciprocate his interest. And now he’s making his nonsense your problem; when you’ve already got enough of your own shit going on.
Block him and don’t look back.
And 20 is too old for the shit he’s trying to pull.MPGuest
Re: “my dad thinks we are a couple. he even suggested I try to make moves on you even though you are in a relationship. I told him to f off blah blah blah…”
Ugh! My dad gave this entitled, gross advice to my little brother too. Thankfully I was there to call him out and even my brother said that was messed up . This is on the level of ‘don’t take no for an answer’ as far as bad advice goes.
The fact that your “friend” is telling you this anecdote is so concerning and reads as guilt-tripping. His white knighting (aka bragging about the good things he’s supposedly done) is just him trying to convince you he’s a Nice Guy that is entitled to sex from you.
Dear sweet LW, please block him. You’re doing him a favor too, because it’s teaching him that his bad behavior won’t get him what he wants.