Guys don’t have to be dense, they have the same observations of social situations that we do. Why is he getting a pass when he was told to his face there was no chance? We need to stop giving men a pass because they’re ‘stupid’ it does both them and us a disservice.

Bittergaymark is one of the few reasons I still lurk this site.

@Bumblegum I’m sorry you are in pain and if you are feeling mentally unwell please seek a therapist if you don’t already see one. Break ups are so painful. I hope you have people to lean on and you are treating yourself kindly.

I agree with Ange that if you clearly communicated disinterest several times then he should have backed off immediately (unfortunately men often dgaf). I think our culture is predicated on exonerating men not listening to women/trans/nonbinary people saying no. This is how we have a rapist president and a whole lot of violence at the hands of cis men. You are 100 percent right he is an adult and he was opportunist in expressing his interest the moment he saw a window (right after a break up, that is SELFISH).

Is he wrong or unethical for simply having feelings for you? No, of course not. You both still have so much life to live and experience. You are both still understanding what your boundaries are through trial and error. This is error but hey you learned something. Give each other space, integrate the lesson and move on. Maybe one day you’ll be friends again but idk if he really sounds worth it. Only you know what is best for yourself.

The bests lesson I learned in my twenties are if I don’t like how someone is treating me I back the hell away and stay away. The other one is listen to your gut, intuition or whatever. You knew he had feelings for you. He was indicating attraction to you and even though you said ‘hey no bueno’ that was unfortunately a half measure. Next time you feel a certain away, pay attention to whatever info you are sensing and act in a way that is congruent with how you really feel. Not what you want or wish would happen. We can’t expect others to act in our own best interest. You got to have your own back.

In relationships people OFTEN don’t make the kindest, least painful decisions for all parties. In the future do what is most kind, least painful for you. And as for men, well there are gonna be alot more opportunities to practice firm boundaries and discernment.

Whoa @Keyblade – where is that coming from? Someone gave a compliment to BGM and you take it as an insult to you and the whole site? Are you reading something different than I’m reading?

It wasn’t backhanded at all. I’ve been following Wendy since she was on the frisky.com. Please don’t project on me and if an online communication is confusing for you seeking clarification is a helpful tool to use.

I genuinely love BGM and his way of giving advice.