Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Guy-friend's jealous girlfriend

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  • #854012 Reply

    Hi, I’m a 15 year old girl, and 1-2 years ago I was dating a boy who is 16, so around my age. I’ve known him (lets call him Andrew) since I was a baby, and we were practically best friends. We dated for around 10 months before we broke up, but we are still super close friends.

    But around the start of this year (around 6 months after we broke up), he started dating this girl (I’ll call her Amy). I knew Amy from when Andrew and I were still dating, and we’ve even gone out together before at that time, with Andrew, her, a boy from Leroy’s school, and me. I also have a lot of mutual friends with her from primary school and youth groups. I was pretty good friends with Amy, and we talked on social media a bit, commented on eachothers’ posts, and we even met up during interschool events. I would still probably be good friends with her if it weren’t for how jealous she gets!!

    Amy and Andrew started dating in February, and all their school friends knew, but they didn’t tell me until around a month later in March. I was okay with that, because Andrew also hadn’t told his brother or any of his other non-school friends. Even up to here it was fine, and I still talked to Andrew, and even talked to Amy about their relationship, and she asked if I was okay with them dating (i said yes of course). I also asked her if she was alright with me still talking to Andrew, since we’d still known each other since we were babies AND our parents are also best friends. She said that even though it made her a tiny bit uncomfortable since I’m still technically his ex and all that, she was ok with it.

    Being a good friend, I still talked to Andrew, but not as much since I didnt want to make Amy uncomfortable. It was all good until one of my close friends from primary school who is in Amy’s group at school (lets call her Alice) told me that Nikita was acting super jealous of me, and always talking about how I kept talking to her boyfriend. She would talk to her friends and ask things like ‘Oh, do you think shes pretty?’ etc. Ok. So at this point, I wasn’t even talking to Andrew that much. I also had a boyfriend at this time (we’ve broken up now) and all I talked to Andrew about on texts was usually just asking for the homework since we go to the same tutoring. Alice told me that even she and her other friends thought she was overreacting.

    But even up to there, I was fine, because I didn’t think I was really doing anything that wrong. I did meet up with Andrew once a month at family gatherings, but even then it wasn’t just me and him, there was also 2 other girls and 3 other boys our age.

    Around 3 or 4 months ago, Alice told me that Amy told Andrew that he had to stop talking to me, and to not respond to my messages. (I wasn’t talking to him that much remember!) Even though I get where she’s coming from, it still hurts me that she would try to cut me off from one of my best friends. I also feel bad because I’ve known Andrew for a super long time and I know that he would never cheat, and I know he likes Amy a lot, and it makes me sad that Amy wont trust him.

    Even when our group of friends wants to go out together (like 8 people, not just me and him) and watch a movie, go bowling, go to the city, or anywhere other than eachothers homes for family gatherings.:(

    I just don’t think its worth losing a friend of 15 years for a highschool relationship… Please give me some advice.

    #854026 Reply

    Andrew is going to either stand up for his friends or he’s going to do what his partner wants. That’s Andrew. You don’t have an Amy problem, you have an Andrew problem.

    Let Andrew go, if he’s not willing to stand up to his girlfriend, then what’s the appeal? Maybe after they break up, he’ll reach out and at that time you can decide if you want to give him another chance.

    #854033 Reply

    It’s not your choice. You have to let Andrew do whatever he does. If he won’t text with you that is his choice even if it was requested by Amy. He has made the decision to do what she wants.

    Amy obviously feels threatened by you. She seems to assume Andrew will like you better than her and so any contact is a threat. You can’t change her assumption.

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