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Dear Wendy

Has he lost interest?

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  • #845997 Reply

    We are both 21. I met this guy online. We text back and forth a lot. I forget to text him back one day and he says I forgot about him and I explain. We talked for about 2 weeks before meeting up at a restaurant. We were originally supposed to meet a few days before but he’s in the military and he said someone got a DUI so his entire until was called in. This happened to be an hour and 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet for our date. He says he’ll make it up to me. We reschedule. He says it’ll have to be soon because he’s going back to his hometown for Father’s Day weekend and wouldn’t be back until that Monday night.

    I meet him and we get along pretty well. I actually really like him and it seems mutual. We sit at the restaurant and I tell him I’m not really hungry so he gets his stuff to go and we just drive around and end up sitting in his car. We laugh a lot and talk about everything. He tells me a lot about his family and everything. He tells me he doesn’t like being in the house much and that he likes to go out. He says hopefully he’ll have me now. I tell him he owes me flowers and he says he’ll bring them next time. Lol. It was a good time.

    We end up making out in his car and he starts kissing my neck and ends up ******* my breasts. He says we can go back to his place and I say no because I’m not going all the way. He says we don’t have to and that I can just come and chill. I say no because we would be tempted. He says ok and we go on and everything is ok.

    He texts me when he gets home and says he had a good time and that he wanted to do more to which I reply that I know and I had a good time too.

    He texts me again the next afternoon and lets me know he’s getting off from work and going home for Father’s Day weekend. I say ok well text me when you can.

    He says nothing to me the entire weekend. I’m confused so I text him Tuesday morning and he says he’s sorry he didn’t text me and that he has a lot on his plate. In my head I’m like it sounds like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Lol. I say it’s ok and that he was on vacation. Nbd.

    He later texts me and says he’s stressed and that he could use some relief right now. *wink wink*. I say best of luck with that and I hope you figure it out and let him know that I’m laughing at him. He plays it off and laughs back.

    We talk again later that day and he’s giving me short one word answers and ends up not replying to my last text. I’m like alright then.

    He texts me the next morning which he usually does off and on and let’s me know that he has to be at work for 24hrs. I have no experience with military so I can’t dispute anything when he says something about work. I ask him when am I going to see him again and he says he doesn’t know and that he’s off tomorrow. I tell him I am too so we’ll see and he says ok.

    He texts me in the afternoon the next day and tells me to come to his place so he can see me even though he’s tired. I say no bc I know he’s not gonna want to sleep. He sends a straight face emoji and says he’ll text me when he wakes up.

    He never texts. At this point I’m like f it, I’m just gonna ask what is up so I can move on. Lol.

    I text him at like 3 the next day and ask if he’s still asleep and he says my bad, my phone has been messing up.(This could be true because he has asked me if I texted him before when I didn’t. I’ve seen his phone and it is cracked and when he was trying to play music, it had a short. So idk.) I ask him if he’s still interested bc he’s iffy with communication and that we haven’t seen each other in a week. I also told him it’s weird that we don’t talk on the phone. I told him it’s nbd if we aren’t a match and that I think we should be direct instead of wasting time. He replies “it’s not that, I’ve just been super busy and tired.” I say nothing else. He says nothing else. Idk why I feel like there’s a little anger or attitude behind it. Maybe not.

    This was yesterday and he still hasn’t said anything to me. I made a vow to myself not to contact him, no matter how curious.

    I think it’s one of these things but I’m curious of everyone’s opinion.

    1. He wants sex and he’s not trying to put in anymore effort to get it. He has lost interest. This is the most likely answer.

    2. He’s angry and feels like I’m a tease because of what happened in his car that night and possibly thought that getting me in bed would be easier.

    3. He’s playing games to gauge my temperature.

    4. He doesn’t have any money after the weekend he went home and therefore can’t take me anywhere nor get me my flowers. He just doesn’t have the balls to tell me that.

    What is happening?

    Sorry it’s long. Details are important. Lol

    #845998 Reply

    It’s #1. He’s not interested in dating you, but was interested in some low-effort sex.

    #845999 Reply

    At this point, I would have lost interest in him and wouldn’t much care whether it was 1, 2, 3 or 4. Ugh.

    But yeah, what Kate said. He was just looking to get laid.

    #846000 Reply

    Definitely No. 1. Forget him and move on.

    #846002 Reply


    #846004 Reply

    Notice that options 1, 2, 3, and 4 all start with the word “he.”

    Get out of HIS brain and into YOUR brain. What do YOU want? What do YOU think? Is this how you want to be treated? Does this feel right to you? What are YOUR standards for the kind of people YOU want in YOUR life?

    You are young enough to put this into practice immediately and save yourself a lot of trouble: prioritize your own intuition, and don’t ever waste energy trying to decipher where he’s coming from.

    You already know this guy’s a loser. You don’t need to ask us. Your gut is telling you, loud and clear.

    #846008 Reply

    Probably a combo of 1, 2 she 3. 4 seems extremely unlikely. A guy hinting that he wants “relief wink wink” isn’t going to be embarrassed about not having flowers.

    I’m now curious about what the appeal of this guy is. He sounds skeezy.

    #846058 Reply

    FYI had fantastic advice. It doesn’t matter why he’s doing anything. This is what a relationship with him looks like. It’s not going to change. Decide if you’re interested. I hope you’re not.

    #846076 Reply

    He’s just interested in sex. But to be honest, you don’t NEED to figure out why he’s acting this way. You just need to notice that he’s not that into this and acknowledge that there’s no need to keep talking to/trying to see someone who isn’t into you.

    I think he also sounds like someone who may already have a girlfriend, too, but who knows.

    #846077 Reply

    Wow, he literally asked you to relieve him! LOL.

    He just wants sex. Not having sex on the first date is not being a tease.

    #846086 Reply

    That text about “relief, wink wink” is not something a guy would ever send a woman he is excited about dating. It shows a lack of caring what you think of him, and that he puts you in the category of hookup. It’s cringeworthy, and not something to even respond to (unless you are also only down for a hookup).

    #846093 Reply

    Be thankful he has lost interest.

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