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Dear Wendy

Have I made a mistake or am I overreacting?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Have I made a mistake or am I overreacting?

This topic contains 64 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 37 through 48 (of 65 total)
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  • #836178 Reply

    So. Much. Shit. Some of the stories are funny but man, it gets old.

    #836179 Reply

    My ex was once out of town for work but at a party sending me pics of the costumes since it was Halloween, while I was clesning dog shit (his dogs) off the ceiling. I to this day don’t even know how that is possible. Told him one more pic of him having fun while I’m scrubbing poop off the ceiling and I will lose it!

    #836180 Reply

    I like most dogs. I’ll pet and hang with low key ones. However, I won’t own one. Even if my husband was desperate for a dog, it’s not something I’d take on, especially living in the city. Luckily, we had a pet discussion on we’re on the same page.

    I mean, maybe he’ll change his mind. I wouldn’t count on it though.

    There’s a huge difference between liking something and wanting to care for and be responsible for a living thing.

    #836181 Reply

    “To state that there are “no pros” makes it seem like it’s some objective truth rather than what he wants… It sets it up as if there’s no use arguing with him, it’s not his opinion, it is fact.”

    It IS fact. It’s HIS truth. For him, there are no pros to having a dog, so there really is no use arguing with him.

    I don’t think it’s strange that he could both like dogs and also feel like there are no pros to owning one. I get it – I like meeting and interacting with dogs, but I don’t feel the same emotional connection to them that I do with cats, so I would get nothing out of owning one. All I can think of are the cons: the schedule restrictions, the costs, the messes, the inconveniences.

    That said, you’re not being silly, H. Having a pet bring so much joy and is scientifically proven to boost your mood, decrease stress, combat illnesses like depression, anxiety, and age-related decreases in cognitive functions, and has even been shown to extend life expectancy! It’s 100% understandable that realizing you were wrong about your boyfriend wanting a dog is something that would greatly upset you. You have a difficult decision here. I agree with Skyblossom that if you pressure him into getting a dog, you will likely both be unhappy, so can you be happy without a dog? I thought I would always have a cat, but I fell in love with and married a man with terrible allergies. That vetoed cats permanently from my life, which I still sometimes feel very sad about. I knew he was allergic very early on and chose to continue dating him, but it was truly a tough choice! If you don’t think you can or want to live without a dog, then maybe he’s not the right partner for you.

    #836183 Reply

    It amazes me how very little so many people discuss before shacking up. I mean how do you NOT talk about such basic shit?! Do you all sit around in comfortable silence 24/7? Or instead endlessly debate the meaning of bad tv shows? How do you make major life decisions together with ever apparently discussing them?
    I remain simply baffled.

    #836187 Reply
    Ruby Tuesday

    Today, I watched a man drag his dog through the crosswalk on Mission and 2nd Street in San Francisco while it took a shit. The dude just kept on walking. I yelled for him to come back and do the right thing. He never looked back.

    #836188 Reply

    Neither of you may be wrong, but you may be incompatible.

    I could never, NEVER, have a dog. I just, no.

    I’m crazy about cats. But I could live without one if we were talking about the love of my live not wanting one. But I could not live with a dog, no matter what.

    Thankfully my husband is on the same page as me.

    Your partner cannot live with a dog. That’s not a character flaw, it just is. Can you live without one? If you can’t, again that’s not a character flaw on your part, but if you cannot be happy without having one again at some point in your life, then he’s not the guy for you.

    Pets are not a small thing. Sometimes people treat them as a frivolous concern to have as a deal breaker, but they bring a lot of joy AND responsibility into our lives. If you guys can’t get on the same page, if it’s guaranteed one of you will be unhappy no matter the outcome, this isn’t maybe a good fit.

    #836189 Reply

    Also I can’t fault you for not having this conversation, it’s not on the usual “must discuss before marriage/moving in” serious talks lists, but maybe it should be.

    I think usually it’s pretty self evident, or at the very least it’s more common for one person to have strong feelings one way or the other while one partner is more whatever – so the opinionated partner drives it.

    That said, now you know he won’t ever want to have a dog, so you need to level with yourself, can you live without one?

    #836191 Reply

    Thanks for the advice it’s helpful to hear your opinions (except bittergaymark – you’re kinda rude)
    I am beginning to accept that I may never have a dog and I’ll have to be ok with it, I wouldn’t break up with my partner over it so I’ll have to suck it up and get a hobby that involves dogs!
    Funny to hear about all your dog and cat poop stories!

    #836197 Reply

    I wanted a second cat, my husband didn’t. We have a second cat but I had to bring him around to the idea bit by bit and I was prepared for him to never say yes. Honestly I love both cats to pieces but two cats is getting up there to dog levels of responsibility and I totally understand not wanting to take that on. Pets are like kids, it has to be two enthusiastic yeses or everyone is in for a bad time.

    You can turn it into a net positive by volunteering at a shelter or something similar, it’ll be great for the dogs there.

    #836198 Reply

    @ruby Tuesday but did you go to Alibi for a drink to calm your nerves after? Hehe. My best friends bar a block away.

    #836203 Reply

    You can do what I did and get a job at a vet clinic. We have clinic cats that roam the back so I get to spent all day with them when I’m in my office. And I get to meet so many dogs I don’t have to take home!

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