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Have I made a mistake or am I overreacting?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Have I made a mistake or am I overreacting?

This topic contains 64 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 1 week, 2 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 49 through 60 (of 65 total)
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  • #836209 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Oh, You’ll have a dog. This relationship will soon have other problems. Other things you simply can’t agree on that you — surprise, surprise! — failed to discuss. Just wait.

    #836212 Reply
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    Ruby Tuesday

    @jd, I am definitely going to check it out now because every workday in this city makes me want to drink heavily. Thanks for the tip!

    #836213 Reply
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    Oracle

    Whats with women buying houses, having children (often multiple) with guys that they are shacked up with? Just why is it that they are feeding these (I must say loser guys) their already oversized egos? This guy even led her to believe he liked dogs. And she is going along with it. Anything, anything for some guy.

    #836214 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    I think we’re being kind of hard on this guy. We don’t know that he’s a loser (H doesn’t mention any other complaints she has about him) and we don’t know that he deliberately misled her about liking dogs. You can like dogs but also not want to own one. My husband send me cat videos all the time, and he loves petting cats when we see them on walks, but he never wants to share his home with one. If you’re truly in love with and see a future with someone, then choosing that human over the prospect of owning an animal in the future might make sense for you.

    I agree with Skyblossom that one partner should be able to veto the other when it comes to life-changing or expensive or time-consuming things, like owning a pet.

    #836215 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    What @lucidity said. By liking dogs but not wanting to be responsible for one, he didn’t dupe her. It’s was honestly just a communication mistake due to assumptions.

    #836228 Reply
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    Oracle

    Not buying it. She is just trying to spin it to make herself feel better. And it’s really stupid to buy a house with a boyfriend when you are not married.

    #836229 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    @RubyTuesday. 3rd and Mina down the street from the St Reg

    #836231 Reply
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    ron

    Yes it is stupid. If you split up, it is likely that one partner has the cash or credit to buy out the other, so you remain financially entangled.

    I know a lot of couples who never had a dog when they married and moved in together, but eventually had a dog ‘for the kids’. Unfortunately, know more than one parent whose kids got ‘their dog’ in HS, then couldn’t take it to college, even two whose kid got a dog in college and couldn’t take it with them to first apartment. The parents have had the dog for a decade.

    #836232 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    No, it’s really stupid to buy a house with someone without taking legal steps to ensure you are each other’s heirs/beneficiaries. That doesn’t necessarily have to involve marriage. Not everyone wants to be married, and that’s ok.

    #836235 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    I like dogs. I never want to own one. I also adore babies and love kids. Again, not going to have them. I’m not sure why that’s difficult to understand? Not everyone wants the marriage, the 2.5 kids, the pet and the white picket fence.

    EDT: Why is he the loser for not wanting the pet? And why is she being duped for buying the house? You can just as easily turn it around. Maybe he’s being duped.

    I’m not saying that’s the case LW. I’m saying it to point out that others are making a lot of assumptions based on nothing.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by avatar ktfran.
    #836240 Reply
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    Oracle

    If you want to buy a house without being married do so with non romantic persons. So many more things can blow up in romantic entanglements. Ron, at least here in California if one person even owns one percent of a property they can demand to be bought out (at a price they agree to) or the property will be a forced sale after a bunch of lawyer fees.

    #836244 Reply
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    Kate

    @ktfran I don’t think either of them were duped, it’s just what if they don’t stay together, and what’s the plan for splitting the equity if that happens, or what if one of them dies. Are all the angles covered legally?

    The other issue is, you buy property together before deciding if you want to legally commit to each other, and I feel like you’d be likely to just try to stick it out even if it’s not working, because you own a home together and it’s so difficult to extricate yourself. Your money’s tied up. I think it’s better to live together first in some kind of situation you can both get out of, until you’re sure you’re going to make that commitment.

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