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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Having some crisis at the moment, Advice please!

Home Forums Advice & Chat Having some crisis at the moment, Advice please!

  • This topic has 4 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 2 months ago by Anonymousse.
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  • #1116247 Reply
    kaffy
    Guest

    I just got out of a toxic situation not so long ago, it’s been heart wrenching for me and I’ve been suffering for a while now. On the other had, I just started a new course at school in a field I’ve always wanted to pursue. Luckily for me but also unfortunate, my parents literally had to sell some properties to send me to this school so this is a very big deal for me and my family.

    But the truth is I am having a hard time, I am not concentrating and doing my best, the situation that ended some time before I started school still hurts. I forget myself sometimes and just go to the place of pain and I can’t snap out of it and I stay that way for days and I can’t achieve anything .

    And on the other hand I am the only black person in my class. And also I’ve actually never seen a black person in my campus. While I have never felt discriminated or shamed by any of my classmates, I still feel like the odd one out. I can tell that they are more inclined to talk to the others than with me.

    It really makes feel like the odd one out. Asides from that, as I mentioned earlier my parents sacrificed a lot for me to have this opportunity so I can’t be so spending too much and my classmates want to go out every single time to drink and have fun or travel to a nearby city.

    They are not in my type of situation where I must work extra hard due to circumstances so they are more relax and keen to having fun as much as they can. I always end up going with time everytime,  plus the fact that I don’t want to be home crying and thinking of this guy, I just think it’s nice to go with them. But I end up spending what I don’t plan to or get home very late and don’t achieve much.

    So I know I need to be on my own and do my thing but I somehow feel this fear of missing out when my classmates want to go somewhere and cause I feel like the odd one, I’m always keen on going to see if I would try to fit in or something. The pick me in me is also feeling low as most guys in my class just gravitate more to the other girls and have better friendships with them , as a black girl I know I don’t fit into the beauty standards.

    I’m also schooling in a very white dominated city. But generally , I am just having so much crisis. I’m still suffering and losing myself  over the guy, in school I’m feeling like the odd one out, not having the opportunities and being the less privileged one out of all, not feeling like I belong here.

    This whole posts probably sounds really bad or dumb but this is how I currently feel and I don’t know how to go about this. I don’t want to disappoint my family and myself or end up failing over a guy or mess things up cause I feel different in school. I would really love some feedback or things I could do to help my situation. Thank you!

    #1116254 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    It sounds like you are in college/university — is that correct? If so, your school should have a counseling/mental health center available for students like yourself who are struggling. I think scheduling an appointment there is a good first step. They can help you develop coping skills and can likely help connect you with other black students on campus/find your tribe.

    #1116256 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I am so sorry you’re feeling so alone right now. I would agree that your school should have counseling available and that that is your best route to go.

    Am I understanding that you would like to go out but you feel anxious, or is it also that you cannot afford to go out to the city and drink with them? College can feel really bizarre when you’re suddenly in a different world where people grew up much different than you and have vast differences in income and life experiences. I had a bit of culture shock when I went to school. Big hugs.

    #1116258 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I also meant to add, re: overspending when you go out, that college campuses tend to have loads of free or cheap events and activities for students. Perhaps you can look into some of those and suggest that next time your pals are discussing weekend plans. If you’re feeling up for it, you could even go solo to one that sounds fun or interesting and try to meet other people that way.

    #1116260 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Yeah, and I’m betting you are not the only one feeling the financial crunch at your school, even if it seems that way.

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