Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Having trouble with girls, need help

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  • #963813 Reply
    avatarOriginal Poster
    Guest

    >be me
    >11th grade
    >6´4, plays varsity football and basketball
    >try and talk to a girl freshman year
    >get blocked as soon as I post my face, girl still looks at me in the hallways awkwardly
    > like this this girl in sophomore year thats in my league
    >talk to her for months
    >ask her out
    >get friendzoned
    >stops talking to me after a week
    >try and talk to her during quarantine
    >one or two word responses
    >she still considers me a friend because she made a new insta account and I was one of the 1st pepole she followed
    >find this girl whos attractive and in my range
    >only have gym with her
    >don’t know what i should do

    #963815 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    I guess this is a more refreshing format than the super loooooong posts.
    EVERYONE is awkward in high school, even the people who SEEM like they aren’t. These girls may not know how to handle dating stuff either. Don’t get bitter or resentful at them, just understand that everyone is stumbling along and trying to figure it out.
    Just keep trying. Be yourself. Don’t play games. If someone blocks you or whatever, leave them alone and move on to some other girl. Try not to think in terms of “leagues,” but in terms of girls that seem good-hearted and kind.

    #963816 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I think eventually it will happen for you, and in the meantime you need to really stop yourself from getting intense and obsessive about one particular girl and being overly stubborn about seeing signs that aren’t there. I’ve talked to you on here before, and you do give off that vibe.

    With the gym girl, smile and say hi. Try to talk to her about something situational. And then watch what she does. Does she smile and say hi to you next time? Does she talk to you? Does she say hi in the hall? Does she avoid you? If you get positive signs, talk to her again. Don’t proceed if she’s not reciprocating.

    #963837 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Stop trying so hard. Stop taking it so personally. Treat women like you would any other human. And don’t be a creep or act entitled. No one owes you anything, including their time. Assuming someone should want you because they are in the same “league” you are is not cool. Not everyone wants someone for the sake of being in a relationship or to gain experience, which is what your post seems like you are trying for.

    #963840 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    A couple things I noticed here.

    While your post is brief, it comes across as a little bit entitled. The first thing you mention is your height and that you play football and basketball. You mention things like girls being “in my league” and being “friendzoned”. Take some time to analyze how you’re coming across.

    Once you’ve got that figured, be a bit more direct. The girl you describe as “talking to for months” before asking out you should have been more upfront with from the beginning if you were interested in dating her. By waiting for so long before making your intentions known, she’s probably now wondering if the whole friendship was just a ruse to get into her pants. You should ask yourself if it was. And, don’t overthink the being-followed-first-on-Insta thing. It doesn’t mean anything.

    #963845 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    I abhor the term “friendzone” Many women do. Complaining about being deemed a friend, not a bf, isn’t a good look. Makes you sound like if you can’t get sex from a girl/woman you don’t have any use for her. Talk to the girl you’re interested in. Be friendly and casual. Don’t be intense and pay attention to how she responds to your attention.

    #963849 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    This is the thing with entitlement. You wrote in a few times about that girl last year. It was clear from what you wrote that she was not interested beyond the attention factor & having someone listen to her problems. But you kept insisting you knew better and that she was actually into you. Now you’re insisting she’s your friend when she doesn’t even talk to you. She wanted followers on her insta so she followed other people. Followers give her validation, without having to actually interact.

    You need to cut to the chase quicker, and actually objectively observe a girl’s behavior. Don’t keep interpreting any response you get as interest. Entitlement is when you think a girl should be interested because you’re tall, play football, and pay attention to her.

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