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Dear Wendy

“He Asked Me to Give Him Time”

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 3 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #845713 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months. Everything was amazing. When we started our chemistry was amazing, the guy was the sweetest, we’d video call almost every day.
    When he came for holidays, everything was fine at first but then he started acting all weird. He wouldn’t pick up his phone when I call, he’d sometimes decline them with no explanation. Every time I’d set up dates or tried to see him, he’d come up with all kinds of explanations.

    The days came closer for him to leave for school. He told me that he was leaving March the 4th. The 1st March was on a Friday, he dropped me off around 3 after we had spend the whole day together. When I tried calling him, he wouldn’t answer the phone. The next day my friends and I went to a local show where I met his friend who told me that my things are with him because my then boyfriend left the country. I was shocked cause he told me that he was leaving on Monday.

    I tried calling the boy calls didn’t go through, tried WhatsApp, nothing! I went on Instagram and saw that I was blocked. Used my friends phone only to see this guy posting planes and shit on his status and a whole girl on his wall. I recognized the face, it was his ex. I was hurt, felt betrayed. I’m still hurt, very much. This is someone I ran to for everything.

    Cool, a few months passed by. I went clubbing with friends only to run into this man. Being the lady I am, I greated him with respect. Only then he apologized. We started talking again, I know right. I still have feelings for this guy. But we started talking as friends a bit more too. We still wanted things to work out or at least I wanted to. But he mentioned it too.

    He was still seeing his ex. He asked me to give him time to prove things to me, to put in effort. This guy asked me to give him time. While I’m giving him his time he still comments on her pictures while asking me to give him time. I asked how much, he said not long. I asked him if your still with your gf , and me giving you time am I allowed to talk to other guys. This fool said no.

    Why do I feel like I’m being played again, or does this guys really love me, should I wait, what if I want and get hurt all over again, will I ever have my happy ending?

    #845715 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    You are being played, and you’re playing yourself. He’s still with his ex. He was probably with her all or most of the time he was “with” you (which sounds like it was long distance). You were his side thing. You know that because he became inaccessible to you when he came home to your physical area.

    His “ex” is definitely his primary relationship and you’re a back-burner option. You should just move on. She’s always going to be around and probably always come first with him. And if you’re honest with yourself, do you really want a guy who has a girlfriend but messes around on the side?

    #845716 Reply
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    Miss MJ

    You feel like you’re being “played” because you are being played. Or, I guess, as played as you can be when a guy is blatantly making you his side piece while he is obviously still with (and not going to leave) his ex. Be smarter than this. Cut all contact, block him on social media and aim higher next time.

    #845719 Reply
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    cdobbs

    yikes….this guy is a straight up liar and is playing you and his girlfriend….ditch him and find someone who will treat you with respect….not to mention the cowardly act of leaving the country without telling you….gah!

    #845723 Reply

    Is it being played, if you know that it’s happening?

    He apologized only because he ran into you. He started trying again with you only because you didn’t immediately walk away from him. Why would you treat him respectfully and listen to the apology? You choose to accept what he says as truth. The guy who ghosted you, blocked you and left the country with his girlfriend.

    He’s with his gf. She was probably never his ex. He’s lying to you and telling you that you can’t see other guys? Why is your self esteem so low that you’d accept this? You really should block him, forget him and look for a better class of men to date.

    #845724 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    You may have a happy ending someday, but it won’t be with this guy.

    My guess is that the ex wasn’t really an ex, and you were the sidepiece all along. Or a placeholder until he could get back with her.

    If I’m understanding the timing in your letter, he’s been acting distant since the holidays. It’s about as obvious as can be that he lost interest in you at that point, and that’s when you should have moved on.

    Yes, you are being played. He doesn’t love you. Block him and move on.

    #845737 Reply
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    Logan

    Woah did you even read what you wrote?

    Man treated you like shit, made you his side piece while trying to get back into his ex’s panties. Broke your heart and ghosted you and you want to get back together with him?

    Your either dumb and naive and have very low self esteem or extremely desperate to want to peruse things with him even after he said he is still talking to his ex!?!? Your just asking to be used as a side piece again and you’re always going to be paranoid about him seeking his ex or other woman. It’s like youre yearning for drama and heart break.

    Learn to respect yourself and find someone that respects you and treats you like you’re the only lady left on earth!

    Don’t Settle for trash.

    #845793 Reply

    Kinda harsh there, don’t you think Logan?

    Who among us hasn’t bent over backwards for someone who hasn’t deserved it? Only to look back and cringe with the benefit of hindsight?

    Though I don’t agree with his tone, Logan is right-you deserve better than this guy is capable of. Have your heartache, but block this guy from everywhere and move on. You will thank yourself down the road.

    #845794 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    “I greated him with respect”

    Why respect him? He treated you badly. If you see him you don’t owe him respect. Be polite but brief. Don’t have a conversation. You can say hi while you keep moving past him. Don’t stop to talk. Don’t ask if he is interested in you. Don’t ask if he is still with his ex. Don’t give him any attention at all. He deserves nothing from you.

    #845800 Reply
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    ron

    Is Logan’s tone really overly harsh. It is clear that LW wants to get back to her prior status of dating this guy. This despite 99.9% certainty that she realizes now that he was cheating on his actual gf the whole time she was with him. She was the woman he was cheating with. I think 90% certain she was aware of this when still with him. That doesn’t reflect well upon her. It is 100% certain that her ‘bf’ is a cheating, lying, gaslighting coward who lacks the common decency to say goodbye to her and return her things directly to her when he dropped her to go overseas with his actual gf. With all of this she wants back together with this guy. Why? Logan is dead on.

    #845808 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    I don’t think Logan is being overly harsh. He’s verbally attempting to shake the OP by the shoulders and say “wake up, you are being played!”

    The ex is a shit. He dumped you because he wanted to give his LDR any evidence he was cheating. He’s a coward and a cheater. Aim higher.

    #845811 Reply
    avatar
    FYI

    Jesus Christ.

    LW, you’re calling HIM a fool?

    The most frightening part about this is that you probably won’t listen to ALL the people who are telling you to wake up.

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