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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

He bloody well hung up on me

Home Forums Advice & Chat He bloody well hung up on me

  • This topic has 41 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 5 days ago by LisforLeslie.
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  • #1118177 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    I’m so cranky right now I can barely see straight. My husband just went in on me about my decision to WFH full time and how my work is trying to scam me (they’ve agreed to a cost of living raise to cover it, the amount hasn’t been decided as it was literally only today), then that they’ve made a unilateral decision, he doesn’t agree to his house being an office for my job (we’re making an office out of a spare room already) and why do I have to do all this extra work for my job as my new boss is a crook and out to rob us. Like, just so out of the realm of reality. We’ve had this discussion four or five times over the last couple of days and I finally hit breaking point and said I couldn’t have it again so he hung up on me.

    We called to talk about water heaters, like wtf. I’m really not happy about being put on the defensive every time I try to do the right thing and keep him in the loop.

    #1118182 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    So were you working part time, from work, and they switched you to full time, from home? I think I need more detail on the circumstances and why it looks scammy to him. I want to assume good intent on his part. His arguments seem a little out there, so I’m trying to figure out what he’s reacting to.

    Hanging up isn’t a good thing, but arguing by phone isn’t great either, and it’s possible he felt so attacked / things escalated so much, he needed to leave the situation and didn’t have the words to communicate “I need a break.” Maybe?

    What happened after that?

    #1118183 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Why is he calling it “his” house, though?

    #1118195 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Yeah, need more details here. In general, it’s become pretty common over the last three years for people to work from home at least some of the time, and for people to convert a space or room in their homes to office use or to even rent an office somewhere or join one of those shared office space coops. If turning part of your home – and why “his” home? – into an office bugs your husband so much (and he may well have good reason for this), it’s worth discussing with your boss reimbursement for an alternative near your home.

    #1118208 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    “My husband just went in on me about my decision to WFH full time and how my work is trying to scam me (they’ve agreed to a cost of living raise to cover it, the amount hasn’t been decided as it was literally only today),”

    This does require elaboration. If you are increasing your hours from part- to full-time (I read this the same way that Kate did), then you are owed WAAAY more than just a cost-of-living increase. Your phrasing suggests that you proposed this arrangement to your employer. If your employer proposed it to you, then they should have given you a specific $ and hours offer, including $ to turn your spare room into a proper office space. If you proposed it, then you should have discussed it with your husband prior to a proposal to your employer.

    Since you are a reasonable poster, I assume the clarification will make this all make sense.

    #1118218 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    No I work full time, I just meant working from home full time instead of going to an office a few days a week. It was my work’s suggestion but I said ok as I’d literally be the only one there now my old boss has left.

    He has absolutely no basis for saying my work is going to scam me except he suddenly doesn’t want me to work from home and he throws everything at the wall to make an argument stick. I agreed to do it only if I got extra money as I’m with him that it’s not right we should take on extra costs for it. I can get the whole set up done by work, that’s the law anyway. We have a room designated for an office already as I was already working from home 2-3 days a week. We’d discussed it before it was made official and that was our deal. Why he’s suddenly on this crusade I have no idea. He keeps saying he should have a say as half the mortgage payer and I’m like yes, you get a say but you don’t get total veto. Especially not when we already talked about it.

    Last night I didn’t even address it. He was already in a shit mood but was being OK and I didn’t have the energy to start all that again.

    #1118222 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ok, that’s odd! I’m struggling to understand why he’d be upset about you going from 2-3 days a week at home to 5 days. And getting paid more! In the US no one pays you more for wfh, running the heat and A/C, having to set up an office.

    Does HE work outside the home FT? If this were an unknown poster, I’d be thinking is he jealous because he doesn’t get to wfh? I don’t get it. I think maybe keep talking to him and try to get to the bottom of his actual concerns.

    #1118224 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I’m so sorry Ange. Didn’t you just move back with him like, within the recent yearish? I may be wrong completely , in which cases so sorry. Why is he upset you’ll be at home more? Is he at home? I truly don’t understand either. I’d love to work at home, or the husband. We’d save so much money…on gas, food, small treats to keep my soul alive.

    #1118227 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    We did live apart for a year and half as he got posted to the opposite end of the country but that was a few years ago now. Every job since then I’ve had a significant portion of it at home due to covid and he’s never complained like this. I can get that he doesn’t want to bear costs but he’s saying I should ask for half the money my work saved on office rent which is over $7000 and absolutely not a realistic ask. Our yearly bills don’t get anywhere near that. It could be money stress but him saying he wants compensation for the extra amount that I will walk on the carpets and wear them out is…. Whew. He’s also been sending me articles about working from home legalities all morning.

    Kate there may be something about him being jealous, he doesn’t like his job. But he could be doing something about it and he’s not. He has to get a professional resume done and he hasn’t and me organising my job in a way I prefer isn’t going to make his any better.

    #1118230 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Oh, see…pandemic brain warp of time. I’m sorry.

    #1118231 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    No probs, I get it!

    #1118234 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Yeah, I’m confused about why its such a big deal that you go from 2-3 days to 5 days a week working from home. I wondered if jealousy is part of it and I also wonder if he’s doing something at home on those days you’re at work that he doesn’t want you to know about? Is that at all possible? Does he work at home at all, or come home during the day (like for lunch) or get home earlier than you or leave later? I could maybe see if having his alone time routine disrupted might be upsetting if he really needs that time for his well being.

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