He doesn’t want to make official because of the distance

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Anonymousse.
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  • Alice
    May 11, 2023 at 6:31 pm #1120309

    Hi! I’m in a strange situation. Im talking with this guy for 4 months now. We live in different citys and he is moving back to mine city in setember (not because of me). We meet when he came to visit his family. He treats me like his girlfriend, he talks to me all day, every day, he also give me a lot of attention. We had a conversation in the first month and we decide for exclusivity during the distance (because of money, we cant travel to see each other). But when i ask him about the status of us, he says that we´re dating with exclusivity, but we´re not boyfriend and girlfriend yet because we have to live in the same city to see if is going to work it. I dont know if i have to run or not. He is giving everything else, time, attention. We talk for hours during the weekends and week days. He sends me a text if he goes to the supermarket and than sends a photo of the supermarket. He tell me everything he does, when he does. I nerver asked for this, he does because he wants, like he is my boyfriend. This is why I dont understand why he do not want to make it official. I need help. Im being a fool?

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    May 11, 2023 at 7:03 pm #1120311

    I don’t personally understand the distinction people make between being exclusive and being boyfriend/girlfriend. That didn’t used to be a thing. What distinction do you see between the two? How would things be different if he called you his girlfriend? How would you feel different? Do you think it’s right to call someone your boyfriend who you’ve spent extremely limited time with in person? I think his position makes sense, that you need to spend time dating in person to see if you work well as a couple. I think you should be patient and try to take it one day at a time.

    I do think that documenting every moment of his day sounds excessive and weird. Is he feeling pressure from you to prove something? You say he does that like he’s your boyfriend, but that’s not what boyfriends do. That’s not normal. Does it feel normal to you?

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    ron
    May 11, 2023 at 7:27 pm #1120312

    It sounds like you’ve only met in person once. That’s not a lot. I can understand why he doesn’t want to say bf/gf yet. You’ll be living in the same city four months from now. That is not a very long wait and come September, you will be able to spend a lot of time together and decide if you want to be bf/gf. I interpret the exclusivity pledge as neither will date anyone else between now and September, or if they want to date someone, they will tell the other and break-up before doing so.

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    LisforLeslie
    May 12, 2023 at 6:00 am #1120315

    I don’t understand being exclusive but not being bf/gf. I think Ron has it right, but it still doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re “exclusive” then doesn’t that imply some sort of relationship? I don’t like linguistic gymnastics.

    THe cynic in me says that he wants to keep you on lock until he arrives in your city but wants to keep it in this limbo state so that he can keep his options open after he moves. I also think you’ve met once in person and you shouldn’t be “exclusive” or bf/gf because 99% of your time together is virtual.

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    Anonymousse
    May 12, 2023 at 7:26 am #1120317

    I’d just wait and see what happens and not get too hung up on the label right now. He’s going to be there soon. If you’re unclear about the parameters of being exclusive vs being bf/gf and what that means to him, ask him. If you’re basically single until September, make sure you’re living that life, too. To me it sounds like he’s being pretty rational?

    And yeah the weird documentation of his day to probe his truthiness is suspect.

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