Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

He moved on.

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  • This topic has 12 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 1 week ago by avatarBittergaymark.
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  • #1031653 Reply

    Hey everyone,

    When I first became friends with my current uni friend group, one boy in the group expressed a certain interest in me. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think he was cute, but he was only looking for a casual thing and I wasn’t on the same page. As time went on, I’ve become really close to everyone in the group, including him, and have come to realise that I do actually really like him. In fact, the rest of our friends are convinced that we would be a near-perfect match for one another.

    Well… over the summer break from uni he met another girl. She just came and visited him here where we are studying and now they are officially dating. Before she came to visit, he would often talk about her to everyone in the group – apart from me – and I am one of the few members of the group that didn’t meet her while she was staying. All of our friends are unsure as to whether the relationship will last, and also not sure what they think about her based on her short stay.

    Do I give up hope and try move on after being hung up on this guy for the better part of 6 months or remain optimistic that this new relationship won’t last, while still making sure he knows I’m happy for him!?

    #1031656 Reply

    I honestly think you should move on. You’ve no idea how long this relationship will last and you’ll only end up more hurt and bitter if it does last and you still like him. I think focus on yourself, try to be happy for him, be open to meeting new people and then if they do end up breaking up maybe you guys will be able to pick up where you left off. But I wouldn’t recommend pining over him while he’s with someone else, there’s a chance you’ll either end up bitter about it or it’ll become obvious how you feel and it will just damage your friendship with him. He’s focusing on himself so you need to focus on you. What’s meant to be will be. Don’t be waiting around for someone that isn’t waiting for you x

    #1031657 Reply

    You do need to move on. Even if this other girl was out of the picture, you two wouldn’t be dating. He expressed some interest in a casual thing with you, which wasn’t what you wanted. But he’s officially dating this girl. That tells you that he’s open to something more than casual, but not with you. His interest level in you is low to moderate, and that won’t change. It sounds like other people built it up into more than it actually was.

    #1031658 Reply

    I too was struck by your comment that he wanted something casual with you but he’s more formally dating this new person.

    Even if you like someone, if they are not going to give you what you need – it’s not worth your time. Move on.

    #1031659 Reply

    Give up hope. You didn’t want casual, and he doesn’t want more serious with you. You aren’t a near perfect match, even if all your friends tell you that you are. He has a girlfriend. It’s past time to move on.

    #1031663 Reply

    This is hopeless. You want different things. He is just not that into you. Please expand your friend group. There is more out there for you.

    #1031664 Reply

    He didn’t ‘move on’. There never was anything between the two of you, apart from a crush you didn’t mention. As I read your post, the two of you didn’t have even one date. I’m not sure why the ‘he only wants casual’ became such a big issue for you before even one date, which would give you a better picture of whom he is. Surely your preference is met by going very slowly and with the plan of bailing if you and he aren’t at least roughly on the same page after several dates. You might have learned after one date that you weren’t at all suited for each other and that would have killed your current, very unhealthy obsession with a guy, whom you think is looking for something very different than you are.

    #1031665 Reply

    Ron I read from it that he was just interested in hookups, not dates, but I could be wrong.

    #1031669 Reply

    Ron–dating in university and high school are a bit different from dating as an adult in that you frequently don’t go on a formal date before you “get together”. My now-husband and I “got together” in November/December when we were in uni, but we didn’t have our first “date” until late February.

    Rosie–I agree with everyone else here–he wanted a casual hook-up with you, you didn’t want that, so you were in the right for not getting with him. Just because he is in a committed relationship with someone now does not mean that he would have been in one with you. The best thing you can do is stop spending so much time with him so that your heart can move on.

    #1031673 Reply

    You don’t want to be the one who waits for a couple to break up to get your chance. This is pathetic. Give him up as an object of interest. Give yourself the freedom and right to let go about this guy and favor your own good. Don’t take part in any gossip – I have the feeling you are in a gossipy group. I agree with the advice to expand your friend circle. Meet new people. Have fun. Celebrate the end of this 6 months useless wait and infatuation. You are single, enjoy the liberty.

    #1031674 Reply

    Wait — they got together last summer? It’s March now. So you’ve been pining for him for at least nine months? Is that right?


    #1031677 Reply

    It’s the Southern Hemisphere

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