Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“He Says He Doesn’t Know ‘What We Are’”

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  • #848234 Reply

    Eh. They are broken up. God, straight people get so crazy about exes. It’s both pathetic and unhealthy.

    #848236 Reply

    daaamn you can kiss that best friend relationship good bye if you have not told your BFF about kissing her ex’s and wearing his shirt, what’s next, you gonna ask for his used skid marked undies to wear to bed??


    ” isn’t there like some kind of girl code in regards to dating an Ex among BFF or just in the circle of friends?? ”

    #848238 Reply

    I definitely think sleeping with/dating your best friend’s most recent ex is probably breaking some unspoken boundaries. It depends on all sorts of things. Some friend circles date around and it’s not a problem. If it’s your best friend it’s probably not going to go over well. If you respect and value the friend, you either wait an appropriate amount of time which varies, talk it out or I don’t know what. It’s not just straight women who balk at this. “Bros before hoes,” right? Even my not-straight couples have had some drama when that sort of thing happens.

    When I was a much younger asshole, I totally went home with a (not best) friend’s ex once. There was some booze involved. Great sex, bad guilty feelings afterwards.

    #848241 Reply

    The whole DIBS things is —- again —- so fucking childish. But then, really… MOST people fail to evolve past the emotional age of ten.

    #848245 Reply
    avatarRuby Tuesday

    @bgm, don’t forget that teenagers are wired to be irrational. While I agree with your stance, good luck trying to convince a seventeen year old girl that.

    I’m assuming that LW did not initially mention the best friend because she knows her best friend will be upset. It sounds to me like she likes being the center of attention, which is why she’s making out with her best friend’s ex in secret, but rejecting his dates.

    If you want to date this dude, your best friend will dump you. Best friends don’t screw around with their friend’s exes in secret. A real best friend is up front from the beginning that you are interested in her ex and want to date him. Considering you are only seventeen, you might lose a best friend in that scenario too. The most important thing is to be a friend who is honest and show respect for other people. You can’t control other people, but you can take responsibility for yourself.

    #848251 Reply

    I think the real issue with dibs is a fear that the ex will tell his new gf from friend group embarrassing things about the person claiming dibs. It also matters if friend dumped him or he dumped friend — that makes it an ego thing.

    #848261 Reply

    We coddle and enable stupidity far too much in this nation. If people are being dipshits — fucking cut them off. NEWSFLASH: nobody is exactly miss one more bratty teen with an attitude.

    #848265 Reply

    Teenagers, Mark. She’s 17. No one called dibs. There’s an implicit dibs when bffs are involved. Unless she dumped him and he’s an actual nice guy. Revenge fucks are a thing.

    #848266 Reply

    No one has dibs on anyone else, but frickin’ be upfront about it at least. Show some respect for the friendship. “Friend, I am thinking of dating Dude. Giving you a heads-up.” Don’t secretly wear his stupid shirt.

    #848269 Reply

    Logan, there is a world of difference between wearing someone’s shirt and wanting to sleep in their soiled underpants; I think that was a tad offensive to the LW, whatever you feel about her dating someone who used to go out with her friend.

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