Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

He ‘slow faded’ after 2 dates. Should I message again?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice He ‘slow faded’ after 2 dates. Should I message again?

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  • #1036673 Reply

    So, when I was online dating, there were sometimes situations where I’d reach out just one more time to be sure. In this situation, I don’t think I’d bother since you’ve reached out first several times after the second date and each time it has fallen flat. I’d consider that your answer. If you feel like you can’t let it go without reaching out just one more time, I think that’s fine, but keep your expectations low. I wouldn’t advise waiting a month to reach out — I always thought it was kinda weird when I was on the receiving end of that kind of behavior.

    Anyway, I’m sorry this didn’t work out and that you’re disappointed. Online dating IS hard. If it’s helpful at all, I met my boyfriend of almost three years online after doing the online thing on and off for a few years. I know it can be hard to get your hopes up even if it’s only been a couple dates and how frustrating the process can be. Keep swiping, keep meeting men. There are duds out there and you’ll have some disappointing false starts, but there are good guys out there, too.

    #1036674 Reply

    “what do I really have to lose if I send him a message in a month”

    Just some self-worth. Some self-empowerment. And a chance to keep that seat vacant for someone who really wants to be next to you.

    #1036710 Reply

    So you can do whatever you want and keep trying, but that won’t change anything.

    If he was interested, he’d be keeping the conversation going and making plans to see you again. It’s that simple.

    There’s nothing you can do or say or some cadence of right checkins that will change that.

    It would be a better use of your time and mental energy to move on and be open to a new connection.

    #1036727 Reply

    There has not been ONE time that I’ve reached out just to be sure, and had anything come of it except forcing a polite rejection. It just doesn’t work that way.

    #1041984 Reply

    My grandpa gave me the best advice. “Barring serious injury, a man will let you know if he is interested.”

    I have started seeing someone new recently (three weeks in) and the last two weekends he went on already planned trips to see friends he hasn’t seen in a REALLY long time. This last weekend was a childhood friend who has struggled. He still made it a point to exchange a couple texts. He didn’t need to, I would have understood a day of silence, but he still let me know I was on his mind.

    Save your energy for someone who will put energy into you.

    #1042113 Reply

    I agree that you should just let this go. Oh, I get that YOU are really, really feeling it. But He isn’t, unfortunately. If he was, trust me, you’d hear from him.

    #1049112 Reply

    “He’s just not that into you.” Liberating words, quoted from Sex and the City. If a guy is interested, he’ll be texting you before he gets home from your date. That being said, just watch out for the obsessive types, lol.

    #1050267 Reply

    Why complicate your life like this? No, don’t text him. Delete his contact so you won’t be tempted- don’t make yourself look silly like you’re still thinking about him. Stop giving guys like this the power to just do stuff like this and think it’s okay. Even if it’s an issue (which is very unlikely- a dude that likes you will even leave his mother’s hospital bed side to talk to you because the reception is better on the hallway- happened to me or for me). Like just relax and date for fun- true connection lasts more than two dates- this is nothing special. next!

    #1050273 Reply

    Ok correction- don’t date for fun. I meant have a more relaxed and fun attitude and if it works out it does if not- whatever

    #1050276 Reply

    Preach! What a healthy attitude for you and for the guy you’re dating. Applause 👏 🙂

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