This topic contains 17 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by LisforLeslie 2 months, 2 weeks ago.
February 2, 2019 at 8:10 am #828662
From a LW:
“My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half months now and he is the perfect guy for me. We get along super well we both treat each other great. The only problem is that his ex girlfriend is his best friends younger sister. She will always be around us and him. They dated for two years. He asked her and her boyfriend to go on a little day trip with us and her older sister and her boyfriend. He didn’t tell me he texted her because he knew I would get mad. This little day trip thing I saved in my phone for him and I to do but he invited his ex. I didn’t care if he invited his other friends so I could get to know them, but his ex?? He even told me he is still healing from those two years. He says he still cares for her. I just don’t know what to do.”February 2, 2019 at 8:22 am #828666
You’ve been dating less than a full season—you absolutely don’t know that he’s perfect for you. He sounds like he isn’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone. You don’t sound like the type who can handle an ex who’s around regularly. He’s withholding information because he knows you’ll get mad. That’s a lot of red flags for a short paragraph. I would MOA but I doubt you will so prepare for about a year of being in an angsty, doomed relationship. Maybe you’ll have some on again/off again fun combined with social media drama also. Good times!
February 2, 2019 at 8:38 am #828671
- This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by juliecatharine.
Why would you be with a man to begin with who flat out tells you he is basically not over his ex? Doesn’t mean he still wants to be with her but does mean he can’t fully invest in your relationship.
That being said, you have no idea if he is perfect for you after 2.5 months, you barely know him. You think you do, but it takes years to truly know someone and even then you’ll find out new things all the time.February 2, 2019 at 8:45 am #828672
“Treat each other great,” does not usually involve not telling you things.
I think you should really consider if you think this relationship is going to be what you want. He’s already keeping things from you, you know he still has feelings for her. This just sounds not really that great at all.February 2, 2019 at 8:46 am #828673
“Surprise! My ex is coming on our weekend getaway!”February 2, 2019 at 10:47 am #828675
Okay, okay. You clearly can’t handle this, LW. But, eh… I don’t see his actions as THAT grave a sin.February 2, 2019 at 12:33 pm #828681
You two have been dating for very little time. This is where you’re learning about the person and deciding if they are right for you. Not where you should just decide they are “perfect for you” just because you like them and have fun together.
If he’s not over his ex after two years, there is no reason you should have gotten into a relationship with him. Also, his ex is clearly a part of his life. If that’s not what you want, then don’t continue dating him.
Next time, pay attention to what the guy says/does in order to decide if he’s right for you.February 2, 2019 at 2:24 pm #828689
Yeah I’d bounce. It would be one thing if it was like, his bff’s event where the siblings were going to be there – fine, but he set up this outing and invited the ex. At best, it shows a lack of empathy for the new girlfriend. At worst, he’s not over the ex.February 2, 2019 at 4:25 pm #828698
Just tell him you don’t feel like meeting his ex right now. It is too early for you, after merely two months of dating. You have nothing against meeting his friends and having a week-end with them but not his ex at this point of your (very new) relationship. You don’t have to make a drama about it. Get mad would be a mistake. Just state that sentence and opt out of this little day trip: don’t join the party and don’t complain about it. You are not ready for that, right?
Don’t focus on this “ex” aspect. Time will show wether he is such a great boyfriend in general. This action shows more that he is still attached to her. Observe the whole relationship. It might evolve.
In short, I would take some distance right now and play it down.
He will very well understand if you simply withdraw from this project and state your uneasiness, instead of making a fuss. He will have more respect of you if you respect his choices and attachments. After two months, you have no right to state who he should see or not see, or how he should organise his life. Your withdrawal will show him that he needs to consult you in advance.February 2, 2019 at 5:57 pm #828701
There doesn’t seem to be anything nefarious about this. His ex is invited, but so is the ex’s new bf, and her older sister, and older sister’s bf. And, it’s a daytrip, not an overnight. She may have forgotten to list him, but it is a little strange that his best friend, whose younger sister the ex is, isn’t also invited on this trip.February 2, 2019 at 6:18 pm #828702
Agree with Ron, nothing really sketchy going on. That being said, yes I can totally understand not wanting to hang out with his ex, that’s a normal feeling and based on what you wrote you aren’t giving me any jealous red flags. BUT other reasons indicated above make me believe this may not work (Him not being ready).February 2, 2019 at 7:12 pm #828707
I think it’s not a good thing that he didn’t tell her about this because he knew she’d be mad.
I also assumed the older sister is his best friend. But that’s unclear.