September 16, 2021 at 9:28 am #1097838CopaParticipant
What everyone else is saying about chemistry/attraction is accurate. It’s not (just) about objective looks. One guy I went out with seemed like a good match on paper/online. We met in person and he was good looking, but I didn’t like his overall demeanor/disposition (if I had to describe it). (Contrast that with my boyfriend who, as I’ve mentioned, I didn’t “just know” right away. I thought he was cute, nice, easy to talk to. I told a friend after our first date that I’d go on another date with him and remember mentioning that I really liked his amiable disposition.) There are some things that you can’t know from a phone call.
I don’t know the context of @Cleopatra_30’s comment that you quoted, but when I read this, this reads more like how she determines who she wants to meet in person. Looking for common ground is fine as a starting point, it can help you filter out who you think you might click with and who you won’t. I assume @Cleopatra_30 has more matches to sort through than you do. And from there, she’d have to go through that some process anyone else would have to go through where you meet in person to see how you mesh and whether those intangible qualities are there. By contrast, it doesn’t really sound like filtering prospective dating candidates is something you’ve had to deal with. And then you approached online dating and the dates you went on by having a very specific list of qualities you were looking for and would rule women out for things like not going to 17 Christmas light shows and parades each year or (gasp) getting tipsy. It was your absurd checklist that prompted everyone to tell you to get to know people as people rather than interviewing them to see if they fit your list, because no woman was ever going to fit that list.September 16, 2021 at 9:29 am #1097839
People get hired all the time who don’t even qualify for the entire job description, be a of chemistry. People get together romantically who don’t check all each other’s boxes because of chemistry.September 16, 2021 at 11:01 am #1097842anonymousseParticipant
Robert just doesn’t fundamentally understand how human people make and have relationships and interact. He doesn’t have many, if any friendships, right, Robert?
How someone appears and stacks up as far as “looks” go is not the attraction you feel for a specific person. You understand that, right?
Are you attracted to every woman you go on a date with, Robert? You’ve had chemistry with every single one?
I don’t even know what purpose trying to give you advice is, since you rarely take it and are arguably in the same place you were, more or less than what, two years ago?
Therapy, Robert. Have fun figuring out yourself in therapy.September 16, 2021 at 11:05 am #1097843anonymousseParticipant
People who work regular, cogs in the wheel jobs also have a steady income, Robert. They probably don’t deliver food for another company that doesn’t even offer them any benefits, and consider themselves their own boss. Last I knew, you were a gig worker. And renting a car to deliver food. Incredible that you consider other people inferior to you and your career.
I wonder how the women feel when they discover you don’t own your own business or work for yourself but deliver food and Uber or whatever it was.September 16, 2021 at 11:19 am #1097847VathenaGuest
@anonymousse, Robert doesn’t even have to GO on a date to know he’s compatible with someone. He just needs to have a quick phone conversation to determine whether they both like Christmas lights and Easter egg hunts, and then he can just go ahead and propose. In fact he never needs to meet a woman in person to know whether she’s wife material, because why would you waste time doing that when a phone conversation reveals all? ANY woman will do as long as she has an average BMI, is vaguely symmetrical, and will go along with what he finds fun.
Robert, have you considered a mail order bride? Just get one that claims to enjoy the Western/American style holiday traditions and you’ll be all set. Although, I suppose a mannequin might be more economical…an empty vessel and a pretty face.September 16, 2021 at 11:22 am #1097848
Omg “average BMI.”
Preferably slim, but will accept up to average BMI. Long hair a must.September 16, 2021 at 11:28 am #1097850VathenaGuest
You know the more I think about it it seems like the mannequin is the way to go. I’m sure they can be customized. …wasn’t there a Ryan Gosling movie where he had a blow-up doll as a girlfriend? Lars and the Real Girl? Or that one where the guy falls in love with an Alexa, as voiced by ScarJo? There must be some kind of bot that Robert could chat with as he strolls through the Zoolights.September 16, 2021 at 11:34 am #1097851
Yes, Lars and the Real Girl. I remember my parents loved that movie, and when they love a movie they watch it repeatedly.
It’s not a bad movie. Definitely recommend for Robert.September 16, 2021 at 11:38 am #1097852
And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s
She said I think I remember the film
And as I recall I think we both kind of liked it
And I said well that’s the one thing we’ve gotSeptember 16, 2021 at 11:44 am #1097853ktfranParticipant
I do find it ironic that Robert compared office workers to robots when his interactions w/ the human race seems extremely robotic.
Others covered chemistry/attraction well. You can’t base either off of a photo and a few phone calls alone. With on-line dating, you message (or I guess talk to) someone to see if there is a good rapport. If there is, you meet that person to see if there is chemistry and then you decide if you want to see that person again. There could be a million reasons that it might not work out, NONE OF WHICH ANYONE OWES YOU AN EXPLANATION FOR.September 16, 2021 at 11:46 am #1097854ktfranParticipant
Personally, I think you should forget dating for a while and start with making friends, of any gender, so you can learn how to better interact w/ people.September 16, 2021 at 11:55 am #1097856PeggyGuest
Robert I agree with Kate. You are missing some type of Chemistry “gene”. We have explained this concept for ages, explained as well as we could, as chemistry between people is really indefinable and different for each person. You just won’t, don’t or can’t grasp this.
It can not be charted, or slotted into boxes or conjured up because you both may like a particular hobby or eating green beans.
Therapy is needed because you have trouble with nearly all relationships, in every aspect of life. Perhaps because you seem to view everything as transactional, and added to that, you see each transaction you have had as somehow “giving you the short end of the stick” every-time. Even things like taking your car to a garage for service. Something is very “off” with you.
I am tired of trying to help because I do not think I or we can. All of the discussion and our suggestions have fallen on death ears. You are very defensive and narrow minded.
I think that it may be worth it for you to consult a one on one dating coach or match maker. Only I am sure you will say it is too expensive. Then, if you did consult with someone, you would not listen to their analysis and suggestions, and instead list all the reasons they are wrong, like you do here.
Sorry, I really feel bad for you, but we are all spinning our wheels here.