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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Hello all from Robert

Home Forums Advice & Chat Hello all from Robert

Viewing 12 posts - 205 through 216 (of 238 total)
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  • #1099664 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Robert, your dating situation makes me think of a rescue and recovery mission following a disaster or a missing person claim. There’s a rescue search as long as there is hope of finding anyone alive. Once that hope has passed, the search shifts to a recovery mission: one where the goal of the searchers is to find remains so that the case can be closed, and the bereaved might get closure and begin to heal. I believe that we have long since passed any hope of rescue here. You have shown next to no willingness to learn from the years of advice and insight you’ve been given. Aside from buying some new clothes a couple years ago and taking some new profile pics and incorporating the profile I wrote for you – has it been three years now since that happened?? – you’ve shown zero willingness to adapt to a dating landscape that has changed since your last successful relationship (in the 90s, right?) and the normal expectations normal women have in partners and relationships.

    Essentially, your motivation to find a fulfilling relationship is dead. I do not believe it is something you genuinely want or you’d show more interest in adapting. And it’s not surprising, really, that you don’t have a genuine interest in a genuine relationship. People are complicated and relationships can be messy. They demand some selflessness, flexibility, adaptability to be truly successful. These are not traits you’ve shown us you have in the years we’ve interacted with you. That’s not to say you are without good and admiral qualities. But the qualities that make a relationship work are not qualities you naturally have and not qualities you’ve shown any – I mean ANY – interest in fostering in yourself.

    It’s time to shift to a recovery mode: for you to figure out how to make your life fulfilling without a partner. I suggest building friendships, investing in your business/ business skills, and finding ways to give back/invest in your community. Giving to others is a wonderful way to build the kind of legacy you might hope having children would give you. It’s a wonderful way to build a community and feel a sense of purpose.

    And who knows, maybe if you take the focus off of finding a woman to spend your life with, she might actually find you when you least expect it. If that ever does happen, for god’s sake, show her some affection before the 3-month mark.

    #1099667 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    ??????

    #1099669 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    When I was single it was exhausting to take public transit. So many women hungry for smooching.

    LOL.

    #1099670 Reply
    Peggy
    Guest

    Wendy summed this up perfectly. I hate to call you a lost cause for advice here, or say that finding romance is a lost cause for you, but “it is what it is”. You have constructed the perfect method/mind-set for avoiding true open-ness and true connection, the very thing you CLAIM you want. Results show otherwise. It is really too bad. I wish you well.

    #1099673 Reply
    Peggy
    Guest

    It has just occured to me that you have been keeping this thread going forever with your stubborn refusals to “get” anything we say or to change. You are a time waster and tire kicker, like so many guys on dating sites actually are. They want attention from women even though they do not really want a relationship, or they have a girlfriend or a wife and are just looking for an ego stroke or boost. All talk and no substantive action.

    #1099676 Reply
    Avatar photoNookie
    Guest

    ‘there will be no survivors’

    #1099677 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    A kiss is not a handshake, and no one ever said anything like that! You shake hands upon meeting someone. When you’re dating someone, you are getting to know them and figuring out chemistry. Even a kiss at the end of a first date is nothing like a handshake. The comparison is preposterous. You’re making us all out to be whores or something and you’re the peculiar one!

    Robert, therapy. And you’ll also be amazed at this thing called “self help books.” You’ve spent decades believing women don’t like affection from men they’ve been dating for literally months? We can help you no more.

    #1099678 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    It’s amazing you can wax on for paragraphs about how much a first kiss means to you like you are so much better than everyone else on this earth. Everything just means MORE to you. No, it actually, really doesn’t, Robert. That’s just what you tell yourself. All of us are capable of deep feeling and emotion and love and romance and most of us have had long term relationships in our lives for the most part, or at least have had within the last 25 years. And you dumped your one and only gf who you loved so so deeply because she wasn’t as “ambitious and driven” as you, while she was making money and you say you were in debt! So that love and a kiss must not have really meant ALL that much at the time, ehh? Otherwise, surely you could have mansplained her into being ambitious and driven and successful just like you? You could love AND kiss her Robert, but still dump her over her unsuccessful debt free life?

    You’re full of bullshit, Robert. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

    Wendy’s advice was spot on, as has been Kate’s and everyone else.

    It boils down to, you frighten women away. Only you won’t accept that and will only argue how that’s not true. You could argue with your in real life friends, but you’ve pushed those away, too. Quite a while ago, right? So it’s not just women you’ve pushed away somehow.

    It’s you, Robert. I’m sorry but something about you puts people off and if you want friendships and ever having the possibility of love again, go see an actually therapist and keep going for a long time, especially if you think it’s pointless and not working. Stop dating. I hope you stop this outward blame bullshit and actually look inside STAT.

    #1099679 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    This whole thing about women being unreasonable and demanding when it comes to physical affection crossed into an uncomfortable area that does feel controlling, slut-shaming, and misogynystic.

    #1099680 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    You’ve put off literally everyone in this thread. Those of us still giving advice just have some problem where we like banging our head against a wall. Most people have bailed. It’s 100% your attitude, Robert.

    #1099681 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    It’s amazing Robert, truly. That you can be so blind and ridiculous. We’ve told you it’s YOU a million times in a million ways and you still want to blame…

    WOMEN as a whole. I think years ago, right at the start someone said you were an incel and here it is.

    #1099682 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Yes, I need to bang my ahead and a distraction but other than that, Robert I truly do believe you’re beyond hope because you’re so stubborn and refuse to listen to anything we give you as constructive advice. You’re hopeless because you refuse to confront your real problems.

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